My Chart

My primary care doctor of many years, retired recently. I was forced to find a new physician, and did so. I visited him for the first time yesterday. My experience was very pleasant. Everyone from the receptionist to the doctor was warm and welcoming. I had no problem with the choice I had made with the new health care provider.
I had a lot of mixed emotions within my hour and a half visit yesterday. There was an easy feeling at the introduction of the doctor. He was friendly, and very talkative. He had a lot to say, and spent a lot of time going over my history. As we reviewed my chart, it addressed my poor choices over the years, and how these choices effected my health, my family’s health history and the lack of knowledge I have about my father and extended family, surgery and reasons for visits, and so on. It brought back memories of things I haven’t thought about for years. It showed us a timeline of my progress, as well as the times of the past that were difficult, and unhealthy. It really showed us both how the new choices I was making were paying off. Our conversation about my health ended with him telling me that I am in pretty good shape. That was great, and I’m thankful.
In between the conversation about me and my health history, the doctor filled in the gaps with his wisdom, as well as stories about his many years as a doctor. He told me about his education, his relationship with my previous doctor, his wife, his thoughts, his this, his that. I really could not get many words in, because like I had said before, he had a lot to say. I just listened, and observed. I thought to myself a few times how the man has worked hard to be where he is, and the knowledge that he possesses has been compiled over more years than I have been alive, but I also thought about how much he likes to talk about himself. Even though he is kind of proud, he has earned his position.
I left the doctor feeling kind of ridiculous. Here I am, looking at things like my substance abuse history, my mental health history, my poor physical health history, and the lack of knowledge when it came to my family, and this guy is talking about his successes throughout his whole life. I guess I shouldn’t have felt inferior, but I did for a few minutes.
It was a pretty long drive back to work, and I passed many different areas. Some areas were places that were poor. Some areas were very nice, and had large homes. I took a look around, and it dawned on me that the environment in which we live in has a great deal of influence on the decisions, successes, thoughts and attitudes we choose. The types of homes were just a reminder. I’m not stereotyping, or talking about the material world in which we live. The areas were just a reminder of how the environment in which we live has a lot of pull on the way we think, especially when we are young. When we are young and developing, we need a good environment. I didn’t have that luxury.
As I was listening to my medical history, and listening to the doctor speak about his success, it was another experience that made me realize that just because it was the way it was for me back then, I have a long road ahead of where I am today, God willing. The doctor is twenty four years older than me, and has worked hard since he was a young man to get to where he is today. I’m pretty sure his upbringing had a lot to do with his success, but I don’t know? What I do know is my upbringing had a lot to do with my poor medical history, and my poor choices in life. But, within the history that we reviewed, was success. Progressive, positive results were evident from the work I have put in, on a timeline that was revealed to me yesterday at a doctor’s visit. Even though I missed out on a lot of core lessons and support, and the things that a child needs in order to develop in healthy and fruitful ways, I have overcome those old obstacles in a lot of ways. I am successful, but I’m not a doctor. I am smart, but just not educated in the medical field. Why should I have felt inferior for even a moment after leaving the doctor’s office yesterday?
We have a choice to make each day. We can stay where we are, and die within our pain. We can feel inferior, or we can be happy with who we are. We can choose to change our lifestyle. We can become educated in an area, and start a new career, or start a new way of thinking. We can be a victim of our past, or we can claim victory over it. We don’t have to be doctors, or lawyers, or engineers. We just have to be loving, and loving towards ourselves. We should be happy with what we are doing in this life. If you don’t like where you are, change it. It takes work, and time. It takes thinking outside of the box at times. It takes being proud of your scars, and taking control over yourself. It takes the power of God to lead you through the challenges of life, through a relationship with him! That is where the power comes from! It may take a good support system, so find one. You can be a success or a failure. It’s up to you. My doctor’s visit has me thinking about a new road, to go further than just staying where I am.

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