Sometimes my walk with the Lord is a very real emotional rollercoaster.
Yesterday started off very nice. It was a peaceful morning, and I had planned on meeting a friend of mine who needed a helping hand later within the day. The weather outside was nice. Bright, and calm. I had accomplished some things around the outside of the house that needed to be done. I was feeling really good about the upcoming day, and stayed positive through a few bumps in the road I had encountered later in the morning.
Those little bumps in the road became mountains as the day progressed.
I had a good visit with my friend. He and I have known each other for nearly forty years. We were cutting up and laughing about life, and moved on to some serious talk about the Lord. We prayed as we usually do, and I left feeling very uncomfortable. There were a few things that we had talked about that had me pretty fired up. Our differences about the context and content of the Bible were discussed for nearly an hour, and we had to agree to disagree. By the end of our visit, we were talking as friends, and didn’t let the discussion bother us. We agreed that we have the very same view of Jesus Christ, but some of the details about His Word differ. It will not be a problem for either one of us. Everyone is different, and we individually get what we get from our faith and understanding.
On my way home, things that we had touched on really started to bother me. I started to think too deeply about how my friend understands the context of the topics we had discussed. I did not agree, at all. It really started to make me mad. It was not easy to sit and listen to him say things that were not first studied, and then said. I knew a little more about some of the topics, and it killed me to see his face scrunched up, and being so passionate about the belief that he has. It was hard for me to stay calm at a few points. It was something that played over and over in my head as the day passed into the evening.
I started a terrible pattern that I constantly struggle with as the night progressed. I was getting very irritated with very small things as my family and I were conversing and doing our Sunday night routines. There was a point where I had to withdrawal myself from a simple game of Uno with my kids. The frustration that started with a discussion with my friend was carried home, carried around and carried into a friendly game with my kids. Later that evening, I had to withdrawal again as my boys were picking on each other. I was getting very irritated. Full of anxiety. I spent most of the evening, away from everyone, in my bedroom.
I believe the devil is real. I believe that beast is always looking for a way into my mind to cause harm. I believe he came about yesterday through a fruitful and joyous day that was going very nicely, and turned it into a day of stress. Yes, I believe that, just as much as I believe that Jesus died for us. Yesterday was a struggle between flesh and spirit. I called upon the Lord as I was going to bed last night, and asked Him to take this from me. I asked that He would help me wake and be at peace again. Back to His alignment with joy, and peace. This morning, He has delivered.
I struggle with people a lot. I believe it comes from a lifetime of dealing with many harmful people who have brought me to very low places within the world, and within myself. I do know that many of the things that brought me to the lows were due to the choices I had made to put myself around them. Unfortunately, I was searching for love through those people at the time. A feeling of belonging. I was always searching for a love through people who were void of God, like myself. Trying desperately to fill that great hole that could only be filled by God almighty, with things of the world. Through troubled people, and their troubled ways. I guess those experiences really left a dent in me? I have tried to figure out why I am so guarded for years.
Little by little, those barriers are being torn down by the grace of God, and His love. This I know. In His time, and His way. Through all of this, I will continue to call upon the Lord, and try to remember to do it a little sooner than I did yesterday. Before the rollercoaster of emotions that the devil is conducting begins, and the little bumps become huge hills of struggles.