Our own toxicity is sometimes what keeps us from moving forward.
I had a brief talk with a co-worker yesterday about what we choose to fill our lives with, and how those things affect us. The conversation started out by me saying something that was interpreted as negative, and it was. I was very tired yesterday when first arriving. Unable to accurately recognize emotions in my fatigued state, the negative comment just fell out of my mouth. I think it made the guy think that I was going through a rough spot in my life? He gave feedback that needed to be said, and heard. It was a simple message.
“We can choose to dwell on the negatives, or find some positives.”
I kindly apologized for my negative comment. We continued to gab for a brief period. I went about my day, with a few more cups of coffee, and the work routine forced me to wake up. Against my will.
There are many things I choose not to discuss with co-workers. The guy has no idea how hard I am fighting the many struggles that are pressing within my personal life. We all have those battles. We could compare, but why? Sometimes life is just difficult, no matter how much we pray, wait for the Lord’s timing or lean on Him. In the world of sin, we sometimes lose the focus. We sometimes throw our hands in the air, and get very sick of struggles.
I could get into many verses about peace, hope, joy, love, patience, sovereign grace, sanctification, His perfect timing or “considering it all joy”, but let’s be real for a few minutes.
The most devout man or woman sometimes finds it difficult to abide in Him. We cannot fully be at peace as we find out our father has been killed in an accident, or when the doctor tells us that we have malignant cancer. We sometimes lose that willingness to cast our cares upon the Lord. We can sometimes try to convince ourselves that the worlds of hurts that we experience are for a greater purpose, but we still fight a battle within that brings us to a place of doubt. We fight, and lose.
Even knowing that we are fighting a spiritual battle within is sometimes not convincing enough to override the emotional atrocities. We are called to be like Jesus, but sometimes that walk with the devil within our own wilderness leads us into darkness. We simply do not notice the craftiness of the devil that is weaved into our very nature. We are going to fail. That’s life. That’s real life.
Yes, we should keep praying, have faith, put on the full armor of God. Don’t get me wrong, I quickly go back into doing what is His. My point today is this; we are going to fail. Every one of us. We are sometimes tired, and say some pretty pessimistic stuff. We are sometimes separated from His provisions. We are many times, caught up within our complicated minds that place us within reach of negative patterns, old demons, buried pains, bridges that we have already burned, or on the path with that old devil. May we remember one thing though, and a very important thing. If we have devoted our hearts to Jesus, there is nothing that we can do to lose Him. Unless we totally reject Him for good, He does not leave! He is always with us. He is right beside us. He sometimes allows us to walk ahead, and gives us room to choose, but He does it in order for us to run back into His strength!
When I am having a bad day, I sometimes get so lost within anger and frustration. It is an old pattern that has been carried along with me throughout my entire life. But, I am constantly learning how to undo the ties that bind. Those habits and learned behaviors are always taken to the Lord in prayer. The things that harm are not always immediately noticed, but He already knows my hurt. When I finally do realize, or throw my hands up, I surrender my heartaches to Him.
It is so wonderful to know that God of all creation has made a way for me, for all of us, to have a place to run to when our hurts have finally caused us to tap-out. A place of love within a not so loving world. Have you experienced that place? It is within, and it can be found through Jesus Christ. Life isn’t perfect, but take heed, HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD.