I was walking through my place of employment the other day when something really hit me. A verse had entered my mind. I started to really meditate on what it says…
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. – Eph. 4:31 (NLT)
There has been a deep rage stemming from a very unhealthy relationship within my personal life. This person whom I wholeheartedly love has been very difficult. So have I. We do not get along, and the past has pushed us very far away from each other. The words that we’ve used have cut deep, the mistakes that we both have made are embedded deep within each others’ emotions. The verbal abuse seems to pour out of our mouths when we make our efforts to reconcile. I was not willing to make any effort to mend the relationship, until this verse popped into my head. My self-preservation is very important, but through the memory from an Ephesians verse, I am now ready to tear down a little of the high wall.
I called the person. At first, I was very tense. The guard was up and the reluctance was intense. But, I silenced myself and listened. I heard the persons’ words and decided to pursue an opportunity to hear them out. This person and I have been meeting with a licensed therapist over a period of time, and we mutually agreed to go back very soon. Although I am a bit skeptical of the outcome, I know God is leading. That great epiphany which placed the verse in my mind had meaning. I believe the Lord has a plan.
The great release of tension has left my body. For now. That failure to patch up some things within this relationship with my loved one has been taking its toll. Eating away at my inner-peace. Hindering my relationships with others, and with the Lord. I wanted things to be okay, but our differences had other plans. I have been battling myself over the forgiveness that I know I should exercise, as well as the proper way to handle this person. I know that it will be as the Lord intended. I fully trust in His guidance through the experience.
Today, I have a ton of other battles that I am facing. It’s crazy though, how one little triumph has released a large amount of toxicity from my life. I feel much better since the tension that even my dog was sensing, has left. One small victory in a vast world of tribulation.
I also ran into an old friend yesterday. Our friendship had come to a very ugly end several months back. But since I’ve had this new outlook of moving on, or forgiving, or noticing just how ugly we all can be, he and I shook hands. We apologized to each other, left each other with kind words and will now be able to enjoy our time together.
I have a keen sense of noticing how the Lord moves, and how He works in His time. Not in mine. I see just how the hardening of my heart has led me to a better place. It took a long time for many things to be conditioned in order for His comfort to come. Just read my blog and you’ll see just how long. “From Victim, To Victor” is what I titled my landing page. I am just that. No longer a victim of a life apart from Him, but a victor through a relationship with Him. I now see just how He works in my life, and how He pushes me towards His greater good.