Yesterday was a breakthrough. A close loved one and I have been everything but loving towards each other. The last year has brought on many different emotions that have surfaced at the worst possible times. It has definitely hindered our individual lives in various, negative ways. We have been attending therapy sessions for the past several months, and our hour together yesterday was a much needed break from our hostility and anger towards each other.
I was so very reluctant. In no way did I want to take on such a burdensome task. The last session together was draining, and it only dug up the deep-seated anger in both of us. Most of you know how that goes? When you are angry, the fire is lit, and it burns! Although, yesterday was not like this. What happened yesterday was a new beginning. We both listened.
The therapist allowed us both a time to speak by using an object to hold. In our case, it was a throw pillow, and neither one of us could speak unless we were holding it. It allowed us to say exactly what we wanted. The therapist would paraphrase, with her added professional twist, and convey the message. She made sure we understood the words that were spoken from one another. Although I was very focused, the other person clearly wasn’t at times. That’s okay though, because through allowing only one person to speak, the other was forced to listen. At least, that was the objective. Overall, I believe it was very effective. We were able to understand each other without the introduction of anger that has done nothing but pollute our progress in the past. We have many things to discuss, and the struggle is very real, but we made progress yesterday. That is good enough for the present. We are trying to remain in the present, because that is all that we have, and remember that the past and future are not where we are. So, we accept the things we cannot change, and we are working on not fearing what could happen between us in the future.
I would like to emphasize how imperative listening is. How it can, in many ways, make or break our success.
My life has been a mess, to say the least. The listening was not something that I liked to do. The past rebellion has shown how advice and direction had fallen on deaf ears. Today, I embrace all of the advice and fruitful direction I can get. How else can we grow? Yesterday was a great breakthrough because I recognized how the other person was actually responding after listening, instead of reacting after partially listening. No triggers were pulled, and they didn’t pop off because a thought had taken off within their mind, drowning out the rest of what had been spoken. When we don’t listen, we lack understanding. We limit ourselves to the whole message being conveyed. For years, the triggers were like a hair-trigger on a gun for both of us. If we didn’t like the tone, or the word, or if we weren’t listening, we would fire off at the mouth. We would become angry, and make things much worse. Little self-control, leaving little time to make amends. We are both changing, and that’s enough for now.
It is through my relationship with the Lord these things are taking place.
I had a realization; an epiphany, leading me to the desire to at least try, even though my thoughts and fears stood in the way since then, to go to therapy again with my loved one. I wrote about it a few days ago. Here it is, if you are interested…
The Lord knew what needed to take place. He has shown me that even in my despair and fears, He is with me. He had, and has a greater plan. For this, I am beyond thankful.
All of the experience reminded me of something that Jesus said. “Whoever has ears, let them hear.” In other words, He was telling the people to pay attention. As I heard the call of the Lord while walking through my place of employment the other day, I listened. I trusted. I wasn’t sure of the outcome, and the devil was fighting me in many ways throughout the time between the epiphany and session yesterday, but the Lord spoke, and I listened. He knew that my heart and mind would be at peace yesterday within the trying time. He knew that my anger would not be present, as well as the other person’s, and the day would be a small breakthrough.
Will you listen to what He has to say today? Take it from me, it is so very worth it.