If you have been reading my posts lately, you have seen the writings about the therapy sessions I have been attending with a loved one. We had another session this past Thursday. I would like to share some key lessons we both have learned within our time together. For anonymity purposes, I will only refer to the person as my loved one.
My loved one and I have spent a good portion of our life together. We grew up together, shared our thoughts and feelings throughout our relationship and had many disagreements within those times. We were influenced by others, the world as we understood it and the ways it had shaped us. We had our understanding of God, which honestly changed drastically for both of us in our own personal ways. We both had major blows throughout our lives which modeled us into our own personal monsters. We were both weaved within the devastation of torment delivered by the hands of others, and we were both too weak at the time to distance ourselves from that harm. We lived separate lives, but tried desperately to have a life together.
When we meet in our therapy sessions, there is often a lot of rehashing that occurs. Our therapist gets so frustrated because she recognizes the animosity which stems from our shared habit of bringing in yesterday’s garbage. What she refers to as, “old waste that is rotten.” We do it a lot. It has been these patterns that have kept us distant for many years. We continuously bring up things of the past. Even those things that have already been discussed, apologized for and buried. When the anger within both of us arises, those old topics are dug up, the rot is consumed and the contamination is regurgitated with harsh words and hurtful results. We become so angry towards each other. After the fire has been ignited, we both find it very difficult to extinguish it. As a result, our therapy goes nowhere. Our hour is up, and we leave our therapist’s office back at square one.
This past Thursday, my loved one and I had a short heated moment, but overall the session went well. We left feeling sort of standoffish, but we took a few minutes to talk afterwards. After discussing a few things, we both decided to leave those things of the past, in the past. That is the goal for the coming days. My loved one and I are having lunch together today. We had spoken on the phone this past Friday and we mutually agreed to make an effort to leave the past alone. We both now know what digging up the past can do. We are also learning about how living in the present is really, all that we have.
Living in the present and knowing that it is all that we truly live in is nothing new to me. I have learned much about it throughout my battle with depression and anxiety. Although, it is sometimes not remembered. When things are painful, the overwhelming emotions sometimes drive us into those old habits of rehashing. The remnants of the past which are still fragile and distressful are not always buried as deep as we would like. There are several methods I have embraced which help me to divert away from those feelings. It is very important to practice the methods often. When you have lived a life dealing with mental anguish, you have to find what can keep you away from that old life.
Faith is of the utmost importance for me. It is His foundation which keeps me within a boundary not found within myself. It has been His true strength of Holy Spirit which now resides that, most times, eases this troubled mind. A mind that has been tormented by the fallen world, flesh and the things thereof for most of my life. As I move on with my loved one, I will lean on Him for guidance. I simply pray for strength right before our meetings.
We sometimes have those things of the past which start to pick at the old wounds. A thought can quickly turn into a rehashed emotion. We can run with the emotion into a place that is not currently present. It can become so consuming that we actually begin to live somewhere outside of the now. We are not there; the past or future. We are here. Now. That is all that we have. We can observe the past and prepare for the future, but to get caught up within both in unhealthy ways can devastate us in ways that destroy the present moment. If you struggle with living in the present, I would suggest that you research the topic or speak to a professional. Take it from a guy who knows how beneficial it is to choose the present moment.
As I meet with my loved one today, I will remain focused on the pleasures within us both. I will keep the Lord at heart, and I will do my best to keep the mind aligned with it. If we can see that the present life we share with others does not have to be filled with the hurts of the past, we can find peace, joy and beauty within the present. We can still admire that which has been tattered by the weather, in its current shape.