The Damage Done

The Grand Canyon in the northwestern part of Arizona was formed by the Colorado River. Over time, the huge gorge was carved by the movement of water. The steep-sided canyon is over a mile deep and up to eighteen miles wide. It is quite a vast place.

That river had a lot of time to cut so deeply. The constant flow and its persistence has left its mark. Quite a remarkable mark. Like the river, one’s anger can also leave a mark. I know all too well just how much of one.

The anger emotion can get way out of hand. I wish that I could turn back time and change some of the ways I had responded throughout my life, but I can’t. My goodness, the trouble it would have saved not only myself, but everyone involved. I’m not talking about regular anger at times, I’m talking about extreme and beast-like anger. Slobbering, screaming, sweating, throwing whatever is near and breaking everything type of anger. Man-baby fits.

There was a river that started to flow within my life as I was growing up. That river was full of so much debris. A violent father and a screaming mother, bad relationships, the wrong friends, drug and alcohol influence, being a spoiled only child, and most of all, irrational choices. Above all, the lack of the Lord and His voice. I didn’t listen to anyone but my tormented self, let alone the Lord. I didn’t yet know Him, and I didn’t recognize my unhealthy patterns. My choices weren’t yet influenced by Him. They were only influenced by my lack of control.

The Lord had a lot to do with my choice to really focus on my self-control. When I had really started to take a hard look at the fruits of His Spirit, Galatians 5:22-23, those nine words opened me up to what He is. Most of those attributes were not a part of me. I had to focus on that. The river of deceit had flowed, carved and eroded for way too long.

Yes, the canyon carved by my anger is vast. It will take time to repair the damage. It’s just not worth allowing that dam I have now built through the hand of God to open. It’s just not going to happen anymore. If I encounter a place that pushes me to become angry, I’ll stop to observe the canyon I’ve already created.

 

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