I’m so tired from trying to save someone dear to me. Literally, I am drained to the max.
There is a person who is sitting alone, everyday, chain smoking their cigarettes and being entertained by little animals. Contained in a little box. The delusions and lies, finger-pointing and blameless character keeps many from knocking at their door.
I’m drained. Drained because of their failure to listen. To accept. To acknowledge the facts. Failure to accept their words that were recorded. Acting as if they never were said. Always saying that they were simply, “misunderstood.” I’m drained, because of their nonsense.
I suppose the codependency has a lot to do with this guilt that I feel by not allowing the person to manipulate me into just accepting their torturous ways? This person reared me when I was young, and they also instilled their unhealthy patterns into my fragile mind. I no longer desire their ways. Their pains. I desire the ways of my Lord.
I pray for them, but it is hard to not be bitter. It is hard to not feel sorry for someone who refuses to help themselves. Someone who sees nothing wrong with the choices they make.
The people who drain the life from others need extra love, but I have little to give. Being drained of my energy at the hand of someone else leaves little within me. It drowns my empathy, cuts my feelings, warps my sense of peace and places God on a back burner. Too much time to think at times only increases my load.
“Oh God, where are you when I know that you’ve got this, but I’m in the middle of this dysfunctional brain of mine?”
Appreciate those who build you up, and pray for those who squeeze the life out of you. Accept the fact that some have issues they are too afraid to deal with, and those issues will always be someone else’s fault. They will always be the fault of anyone but the narcissist.