It’s very difficult for me to really trust someone to the point of being able to fully share my heartaches. There are things that I am consumed with that only a select few and the Lord know about. Yesterday, I was able to give away some of those things that have been weighing on my heart.
My beloved wife and I had a few minutes to sit together. Our limited time together, in between her third shift work schedule and my first shift relaxation time of the weekend, is a short time that is valued for only an hour or so. On most Saturdays and Sundays, she arrives at home after her shift, just as I am pouring my third cup of coffee.
Yesterday, my wife brought me a Father’s day card, a collection of chocolate and a nice word. As she handed it all to me, I lost it. I began to weep. It was within that moment that my heartaches poured out of the depths of the man I try to be for her and my family.
Talking to her for the next twenty minutes helped tremendously. I was able to get some things out that have been bottled up for a period of time. I was thankful for her as she simply listened. As she stood beside me and held me up for a moment. It was within that moment that I was able to let some things go.
I told her something that is completely true and a big part of who I am: I don’t trust many.
I am very thankful to be married to my best friend. She is a strong woman who didn’t need me when we met, but saw the good in me. Unfortunately, she has also seen the very worst of me. Through it all, love prevailed. We were able to, and we continue to, keep love at center of our life together. It’s a blessing to find that. It seems that so many are so wrapped up in loving themselves that they haven’t the time for loving others. True love. Deep love. The kind of love that the Lord has for His children – at least a small fraction of that love. We can never fully grasp how much more the Father loves His creations, but at least we can get a small taste of it through loving others.
It’s sad: the part of me that has fully trusted others, only to be completely let down by their ultimate alliance to no one but themselves. The part of me that keeps things – the things that I have carried with me recently – bottled up until the right person comes along who can let go of themselves long enough to show a little empathy. They are so hard to find. Fortunately, God has given me a woman who can. He provides.
I sit here this morning and think about the blessings the Lord provides, and the ways that He paves the road to those blessings. In His time, in His way, through my choices. Through my heartaches. Through my struggles and pains. I see the love that I only get a glimpse of through my life here, and I see that all I experience is for a greater good. A good – outside of what I try to define it as. I ponder and try to make sense of why I have these heartaches in life, and why so many lack empathy. Why so many are too wrapped up within themselves to give. To serve in love, as He commanded us to do. We fail Him daily when it comes to being obedient in this area.
I pray this morning that each one of us are able to look past ourselves long enough to see the man or woman who needs an ear to listen. A hug at the right moment. No advice given – just present. Present, with a love in the heart that is poured out for someone else.