The habit of dwelling on the negatives was a daily necessity; an absolute need. For the great majority of my life, I had to remain focused on the limitations. If any sort of possibility presented itself, I would quickly shoot it down.
I sit this morning and remember a time in my personal life when my self-esteem had me in the clinches of shame. The very fabric of who I was, so I had believed, was weaved with the torment of the thoughts of not being worthy. All of the emotions that accompanied this frame of mind were digging my hole of despair: one which I had fallen into, as I gladly backfilled it with my own self-pity. It was the norm. It was my reality.
I really do have a chemical imbalance. It was not until I was able to find the right doctors who prescribed the correct medication that I was able to get to a place stable enough to focus; an even keel. I was able to see just how chaotic my mind was. The racing thoughts had calmed. The need for the illegal substances were no longer a necessary, daily part of my life. I was then able to start the work I should have started long before my messed up head had taken me down into that pit of despair. Unfortunately, at the time, it was the only way I had known. I didn’t know there was a life outside of feeling like a total failure.
I got tired of being sick and tired. I had to make a decision for myself. Not only for myself, but for the people all around me. It was because of my inability to sustain the even keel that my life was full of the many complications. My ways of thinking, the harmful habits, trauma that had not been dealt with, the things that I had not let go of, not really forgiving others and not allowing God to show me the truth of it all, had me in the deep hole of excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness. It really hurt.
It was not until I began to read about ways out that life began to change for me. Since I am devoted to the Lord through Jesus Christ, I began to seek out Psychologists and teachers that specialize in the areas I was having trouble with. I recall writing out the list of things that I was able to identify within myself that weren’t working for me. I was able to take these drawbacks and, through CBT and lots of research, great Christian-authored self-help books, His Word and the guidance of His Spirit, pull together an ongoing plan that has, and continues to, get me out of that hole.
To the reader who thinks it’s not ever going to change… BULL!!!
It can change. It will change.
The place that you are currently at: that life of despair. The place that keeps you in the hole. That place which seems to be a place where no one is there to help you. The place where life seems to have no meaning. The hole that life has thrown you into. Take it from someone who knows – Life can be joyous! I don’t care who you are or what you have been through, life – a life of abundant joy and peace – is possible! The thing is, YOU have to want it. God will guide you in the correct direction, but you have to take the leap of faith. You, and only you.
It can be scary at first, and it probably will be. Anything new is, usually. I assure you, I promise you, as you grow in a new direction towards being the opposite of all that has ailed you for all of those years, you will become more of how God intended: a joyous Spirit!
Blessings upon your day. I pray this morning, in the mighty name of Jesus, that anyone who reads this takes that first step – that first foothold in the slope of the hole – and begins a new journey. In Jesus’ name!
Life is short here, so why waste it in a dark place?