Spiritual Vertigo

As I have been writing this series about love and forgiveness, I have been learning more about myself.

Many people do not wish to know some of the hard truths about themselves, because that requires a choice. That choice is to either acknowledge those hard truths and change them, or remain the same. Throughout the past few weeks, I have been listening to what the Lord has been teaching, and I have been willing to change.

For someone reading whom may not understand what I mean when I state that I listen to the Lord, I mean that I actually believe what I read in the Bible. It means that I have a relationship with God through Christ, and have an inner voice (His Holy Spirit) that guides me through this treacherous world that we live in. It also means that He, opposed to what the world has to say, guides me into all truth.

I truly hope and pray that you also have that.

So, through my personal relationship with Him, I have been learning so much about how His love and His forgiveness–and how they come into play within this treacherous walk through life–has been transforming me into someone I have never really been before.

For the better, I am growing in a new direction that is helping me to experience a deeper love for my fellow man, a more empathetic stance as I journey along and a much better view of how things should be. Before this recent experience of mine, I still held onto (with a very firm grip) a need for being unforgiving in the subtle ways that should have been released.

But, there were reasons for that at the time.

Not good ones.

We all have these boundaries that we simply have to place around us in order to withstand the raging seas. In my case, I was having a tsunami outside of my walls, and I had to temporarily cut some people (my mother and her husband), out of my life. Long story short, my mother and her husband split, and the walls between my mother and I were torn down. It was not because of her and I that she and her husband had called it quits, and their relationship was none of my business, but I was being dragged into their mess. That is why the boundary was put between my mother and I in the first place. I just had to do what was best for my family and I at the time. But, through it all, my mother and I reconciled.

I believe God has a plan for all of us, and I believe that the boundary served as some kind of temporary plateau that, in the end,would result in a deeper understanding of God within me.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not this flesh. Sure, I have the physical, but the spirit of me is the truest form. When things of Him are illuminated, or acknowledged or understood, I truly have a deeper understanding of how loving God really is. I have a sense of alignment with the perfect flow of His grace. As I have learned to sit back and watch; a sort of self-reflective, silent-observing version of myself–outside looking in, so to speak–I find that His harmony and will for me is always on time. Meaning, His time– not my own. This mysterious thing that I have found while walking along the road with the Lord has shown me that life is made up of free-will choices and the plan that God has for us.

That’s a freaking mystery!!

As for the result of my boundary and the end result after the temporary hiatus, my mother and I are in the most loving place. She is different, I am different, and we are being very forgiving towards each other.

Forgiveness, I have personally found, is nearly impossible when the things that we create go against the grain of His love. Man, can you not count the ways in which you have personally gone against the grain? I seem to create the things that go against the true nature of God when I get wrapped up in the pride that I can so easily fall into the trap of. When I read His Word, I see that this same pride is the very fabric of all that destroys the true relationship that God longs for us to have with Him. It keeps one from inviting Him in, hinders the harmonious relationship we should have in Him, and it sure does place unnecessary boundaries in places where they shouldn’t be. If I lack or neglect any of these things, I find that I get closer to a place that the devil delights in, opposed to the light my Lord provides.

As I keep learning about my personal journey, I’ll share it here. Maybe it will help someone? I know that testimonies have helped me over the years. It is nice to be able to talk about another victory I’ve had by following His powerful lead! Glory to God! It’s also nice to be able to grow in a different kind of direction that frees up the hardened and sin-stricken heart, making room for His presence.

4 thoughts on “Spiritual Vertigo

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