Today is one of those days when I am done with trying so hard to tell myself that I’m not going to hell.
In this very moment of my life, I am thinking that I’ll probably end up there.
This whole blog of mine is centered around the living Christ and the work He has done, does and will do in me. So, I feel that this time is just another lesson within the big question of my personal life, as well as life, collectively. It’s not unusual for me to feel as though I’m ruining my chance at making it to heaven/ eternal peace/ the kingdom of God, and it’s not unusual for me to think that my works will make of break the opportunity…
and I think I know why.
There are so many “teachers” of the Word who are either one way or the other: Jesus plus works, or Jesus plus nothing.
I am so damn confused by these men and women!
In my view, Christ paid the full ransom when He died upon the cross, but contrary to what He proclaimed when doing so, man has always demanded that we add to that finished work. The more I listen to these, most times, paid men of the church of today, the more I start to hate trying to appease and please God.
I get completely sick of thinking that God will only love me if I give enough, do enough, give up enough, pray enough, ‘play church’ enough…the list goes on.
I tend to think that the motives of men within the 501(c)(3) system are usually driven by the desire to control others, and for monetary gain– rarely after the gain of making true disciples of Christ. It sure does seem that way, no matter which church I attend. Denominations: man-made. Sects: man-made. Giving your money to an organization: man-made. Paying your preacher’s yearly income: man-made.
I’m not afraid to say it: the devil clearly has his hand in running the production!
The sinful ways of men have bled into the so called, “church” of today (the very redefined, unbiblical one), and have ruined, in some cases, the hope only found in Jesus. Like my current disposition, others have lost hope in God because the church has told them all that their works are included in the sacrifice Jesus had made for our dirty, slimy, relentless, habit-proned, nasty, degrading, sinful selves– as if we would ever be good enough to contribute to perfection within our binding, human means.
Perhaps we should just reject Jesus, and rely solely upon ourselves to gain entry into His eternal place of love and peace? Perhaps we should throw out the Bible, and rewrite one that teaches that Jesus wasn’t enough? Maybe we should not believe that God knows where every heart is, why it aches and how hard it is for all of us to stay rooted in Him, and tell the world that they had better be working their way to heaven?
Nevermind. The church is already taking care of that.
I sit this morning and wonder if I’m going to hell.
Thanks, “men of God”.
I suppose these holy men will continuously have me questioning the completed work Christ had made for my very flawed self, but that’s only if I listen to them! I think we should all spend more time with Holy Spirit–getting to know Him and His truths–and spend less time listening to these false preachers.
Discern wisely. Stay rooted in Him and His love for the broken.