I’ve been humbly accepting of the way things are lately. With that being said, things are kind of all over the place. My faith, my family turmoil, my patience, my frustrations and my ability to care all that much about the overall impact it all is making on me (and mind you, I’m still being kind to others around me, regardless of my inner struggle), all these things are, really, not all that bothersome.
I’m fine with not being fine.
The current whirlwind that I am going through is so typical. It tends to happen in my life. One year, or month, or day — good and wonderful. The next, the same miserable bullshit I have always been prone to. I suppose it is just something I am used to and also something that I am becoming numb to; not nearly as abrasive on my soul as it once was.
Which brings me to how numb I am when it comes to that part of me regarded as immortal. I’m not too concerned in this current period of time with where I’m going to spend eternity.
It’s like this: I believe I’m going to heaven, regardless of the preaching of otherwise, going on all around this site and others.
This recent period I have been experiencing has revealed a plethora of many thoughts, brought about, mainly, by narratives of all of the different beliefs “Christians” have. Being perfectly honest, I think most of the writings I have been exposed to, with the exception of a few, have completely left me baffled by how ridiculous some are. I mean, the religious attitude and grandiose self-images implied, within their spoken word or within their described, “godly ways”, is appalling to me. It all seems as though a great majority of the world of Christianity is nothing but false hopes and illusory happiness, made up of regular people on an emotional joyride –little flocks of social clubbers and attention seekers.
Not following Jesus by faith alone, but through faith in being good enough alone.
Showing the world just how good they are at being, “right”.
Vomit. It makes me vomit.
I love the guy or gal who can and will lay it all out there — exposing every flaw they have. Giving a testimony of just how far from the cross they are; just how much they fall short. They are Christian. They are the ones in need of a Savior. The others who are living in their little fantasy worlds don’t need God, because they already are their God.
If you claim to be a righteous man, or woman, and if you give yourself a title like Pastor or Bishop or Reverend, for God’s sake, be honest with yourself and others — you’re just a man or woman like everyone else! Step down from your platform or self-centered righteousness!
I won’t be talking about (ever) how glorious my belief is, because the whole world looks at the Christian as a holier-than-thou bigot.
I won’t be one of you.
The way I see the Lord is pretty simple: Love God, love your neighbor and love yourself. Anything beyond that is pride. Anything we claim as righteous is what the devil did, and look where he ended up.
It is solely upon Christ and what He did in order to get the filthy washed clean. So quit scrubbing, you’ll never get your stains off.
I’m a filthy man, full of the crud that I truly do my best to embrace and remove, so help me God. And you know what, so are you. We all need to remember just how much we don’t deserve to be seen as good. Take a look around you. You aren’t any better than the next, Christian or not.
So, I’m comfortably not comfortable where I am. I have my current position within my faith, my family turmoil, my patience, my frustrations and my inability to care all that much about the overall impact it all is making on me.
And I’m okay with it, because I rely solely on Christ to get me through. He’ll still be picking me up while all the modern day religious Pharisees destroy His name, as well as my comfort when around them, and their voices.