Behind The Heart

Just be what you would like to see in others. The moment one begins to act as if they are above someone else, it quickly sets them in a position that people tend to avoid.

What do you see within yourself? Beyond the flesh and bone that surrounds the true, inner self, what do you see?

The thought that I had this morning as I was waking up to my first cup had me going over what truly lies inside me. I came up with the opening phrase of this post (a summary of my self-assessment) while taking a good look at myself.

Here’s the thing: I’ve had a lot of deep wounds. I had dwelled upon them for many years, but within the last several years my heart has done some serious shifting. The inner self (the heart) has been reconditioned.

When I had typed out, ” The moment one begins to act as if they are above someone else, it quickly sets them in a position that people tend to avoid. “, it was humbling. It is a truth about myself that took a very long time to accept.

Here’s some more truth: those deep wounds shaped me into a total a#$hole.

When someone is injured, they step with caution. That is exactly what I had done for many years. I did this by taking all of my inner frustration and stuffing it deep down into the inner man (the heart). I took the things that had caused me the grief over the years, bundled them all together and placed them far down within me. While they were there, I coddled them. I protected them. I saw them as a reason to believe that everyone else was not as hurt as I was, and while doing so I totally missed what was really happening around me. I missed the fact that I was looking down upon the world, others, and especially the ones I loved. Also, the ones who loved me. Like protecting a wound from being bumped with the fear of it inflicting more pain, I did the same while protecting my mental anguish.

But, do you know how that comes across to others? Do you know what those deep, inner issues do when others view you from the outside? Do you know what holding onto pain not dealt with properly does to you? I know what it did to me.

It destroyed everything.

It made me have deep-rooted trust issues. It caused me to use substances that destroyed my mind and body. It killed my spirit. It put me in a haze of sorrow and deceit. It tugged me down into the relentless undertow of darkness where my life began to fall apart. It destroyed my family. It took me far from the truth and persuaded me to fall for the lies I was telling myself. It made me look down upon others by seeing them as nothing but another threat. It made me proud. It made me one of those people very few could tolerate or be around.

It was much, much more than that.

As time went on, the Lord began to show me just how destructive my life was.

Yep. He let me hit rock bottom before realizing that a serious change needed to take place.

As I go through this journey of mine, and as my heart is now taking steps in a different direction, I see with new eyes. I see my heart as it truly is — vulnerable. It is susceptible to the world and the things of it. And, it is capable of being filled with more than just a few scars from the days that are now gone.

With vulnerability, there is a protective shield that can be applied. When Jesus spoke to the individual or the masses, He emphasized the importance of love. I don’t believe that it was so much the emotion that He was speaking of, but rather the heart that should be shrouded by it. Without that shroud of love, the root of the opposite takes place within. That opposite being, ultimately, the work of the devil. But just like myself, we all have our individual demons/scars that define the devil’s crafty work within our hearts.

I encourage each reader today to observe your own heart. Is it hurting you? Is it hurting others? What do you see in it? Is it what you would like to see in others?

I pray this morning that you get to know Holy Spirit and His power within you; that you form a relationship with the Lord by getting to know His love for you through our Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that you lay all of those scars that cover your heart at the foot of the cross, and leave them there — never picking them back up! I pray that you bear the fruit that you would like to see in others, and that the kindness that stems from your heart is a witness to the hurting. I pray that you understand that Jesus paid the price (all of it — in full) for you to be reconciled to our Lord AND yourself, and that all of the anguish that you have upon your heart has been removed. I pray that you know that those things that have scarred your heart are of nothing more than the yesterdays (not in the right now) of your life, and there is now room in your heart for Him!

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