These last few days have been pretty strange. I can’t really put my finger on it, but the atmosphere has a certain feel to it that is not the usual here in my personal space. It could be the weather that has been unseasonably warm for this time of year, but I think it goes much deeper than that. It may be that I am just exhausted from being myself? I really don’t know.
During this period of odd feelings, weird thoughts and hard physical labor (the usual work days and some back breaking projects around our home), I have had a very “empty” feeling accompanying my usual, I would describe as, “even keel”. I have so much that I am blessed with, my family problems are minimal and I really have no reason to feel the way that I do. My wife told me the other night that I am looking for problems because I really don’t have any, but she isn’t me. I took the comment with a grain of salt and have been kind of keeping to myself for the past few days. It’s not that she is wrong because I have been known to stir up things in recent years just because that was the destructive pattern I was used to in the years passed, but it isn’t the case in recent days.
The only thing I can narrow it down to is fear. I have a strong will and a passion for overcoming the things that ail me in my personal walk, and fear was always one of those things that held me in a position that limited my abilities — a silent killer in my world as I was maturing. It took a lot of time, prayer, study of His Word and patience to learn how to manage the demon called fear. Cognitive therapy was an awesome tool in learning how to manage my hurts as well. Even with all of that, it is sometimes still very difficult to shut off a mind that is riddled with unmeasurable amounts of complexities.
The blob of mush called the brain — minimally understood.
We all have the things we struggle with. But, we can learn how to manage those things. As God as my constant and my rock, I will get through it. In His time, I will learn why I had felt like this in recent days. Sure, I do have bouts of fear, even though I know that God has it all figured out. The thing is, I don’t. I don’t get to see the far off picture; the future battles that bring on the losses and wins. As the angels said as they appeared to the people in the Bible, “Do not fear”, I will have faith that all that appears in the future before me (which bring the vibe of the current days) is in His best interest.