In the morning, I usually sit at our kitchen island, on a bar stool. Throughout the island are little remnants of our lives: various papers, pencils and pens, bills, keys, wires for devices, magazines, and this laptop that I use to write. Although we have five here, I find myself alone in this early hour. The kids are asleep, one is away. My wife is still working her graveyard shift at the hospital. During this early time alone, the new begins again. I am welcomed by the various remnants, the low, peaceful hums of distant fans (a thing none of us can sleep without), numerous clicks and ticks, and a silent train of thoughts that bustle through my waking mind.
Silent thoughts. It seems to be this time in the morning that provides for the deepest intimacy with my racing musings. All types of things run through my waking head: the day before, what lies ahead, lessons learned, lessons I had failed at, what God has taught me. There is also the more prominent things I often ponder: people and their ways, the question of why so many are so hard on themselves, religion-driven reprimands (that I specifically find within the Christian community), and the grace and love that I know God has for all of them.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the more prominent topics I had mentioned. It sometimes is inspiration for the things I choose to write about. At the same time, I have a lot of mixed emotions as I think about the particulars of these specific topics.
People and their ways– not mine. Not my choices, my thoughts, my reason. Outside, looking in, their choices sometimes look great, and I am honestly happy for them. As, everyone deserves to be, “happy”. Other times, I look at people and wonder, ‘What in the hell is going on?!’ It irritates me to see so many carry on within a certain lifestyle, many times, using excuses to justify their wounding ways. Coming from a pretty troubling background myself, it just hurts to see people carry on within a hurt, especially when no one knows how many days we have to live a life. As I said, everyone deserves happiness.
Then, there is the question of why so many are so hard on themselves. I can read between the lines many times, and I see the self-pummeling that so many willingly do to themselves. It’s so sad. It hurts me to know that so many: anyone from the most decorated and respected, all the way down to the one’s who hide in the shadows, beat themselves up. So many insecurities. So many questions fill my mind in the mornings as I wonder why he or she is so insecure — so hard on his or her self.
Then, the frustrating, religious Christian that takes me to a level of frustration and anxiety that I usually carry with me throughout a valuable day…
I’ll just stop there.
Finally, I think about His love for the world. I think about the Christ — Jesus. I have a constant battle between His light and the opposing forces of darkness walking with me throughout each day. In me, the world, and in each man and woman, is a constant battle of forces. We all have this battle going on, within. As I realize that everyone is a creation of God, and that everyone fights the battle of good and evil, I think about how much value the Christ truly beholds. To even begin to fathom that through a man — claiming to be God Himself — dying, being buried and rising again was the way for anyone to be reconciled to our Creator is beyond comprehension, or words. What’s even more astounding is knowing that it was all because of the love that He has for us.
Yes, we need Jesus.
His grace, mercy, peace and love (that you begin to understand the longer you walk with Him) is a beautiful thing to think upon — especially in the morning. It makes the value of the bird that sings outside, greater. It makes the remnants of us — scattered throughout the kitchen island — a definitive part of the reality of our lives together, and the love we share together. It makes for an easier way to remove the inevitable dark from the light that He beholds.
I sit at this little area in the morning and choose many things to think about. I sometimes put these things into words, or maybe just keep them within my thoughts as I go about the day.
What do you begin your day with?