“I don’t understand the darkness” is a statement someone had made regarding my chosen style of writing.
Throughout the past few years on WordPress, I have poured myself out through text. As a helpful tool I had used while evaluating my personal cognitive complexity, writing later evolved into a passion. I began to write of experiences, thoughts, my walk with God, as well as poems that were inspired by the writings of my late father. And, whatever else came about.
Unfortunately, and it may be more unfortunate for the reader than myself, I have a lot of, “darkness,” within. For the record, it’s not a demonic possession or a lack of spiritual guidance, as I’m sure some of my readers would like to imply. No.
It’s called honesty. My honesty. My experience.
I know a lot about the opposite of light, or, the grim. The things that scare many. The opposing force. Satan? I digress. In my life, there was a great deal of misfortunes that shaped me into a concoction of tainted flesh. Many of these elements were not by choice when I was a very young. As I matured, the “dark” became an interest–an escape from the hell I was already living in. Some people don’t know about that type of life. I suspect my critics are those. I would purposely run to places that had the numbing power; an aid to my pangs. Mental distress–the kind that controls your every move–is not a joke, and, unfortunately, a thing that many do not understand. Many believe that all one needs is Jesus, but honestly, all the prayer in the world never healed my brain. If it weren’t for medication, I’d be dead. Although, Jesus is the reason I am here. That’s my belief, and one I’m not writing about today.
I do believe that God is why some of my audience is so inept when it comes to deciphering my literature. Some believe that if I would just do this or do that since all things are possible through Christ, I would never have a dark spot in me. Thing is, I embrace my spots. I strongly believe that my experiences are beneficial. They have taught me lessons that aren’t taught in the classroom, and that many never see. They have taught me right from wrong (as I spend much time self-evaluating and implementing introspection), and they are there for me to share. I personally believe God has things for me to show others in order for them to see themselves in ways they wouldn’t have before reading my words.
So, I’ll write. It may be dark. Hell, it may be real dark. If you don’t like it, move on. My life is poured out in words. Take it or leave it. I do have a lot of “light” within my life, and I’m at peace. It may not be evident to some within the little words I display, but it is in me. That’s all that really matters.