Bad Medicine

Writing is not as therapeutic as it once was.

I believe, in many ways, writing is an excellent way to process emotions. Unfortunately, my emotions have had a lot of control (probably due to the fact of being bipolar to a certain degree). I’m beginning to recognize how writing, while dwelling on the topics I choose to write about, more often than not cause me harm.

I’m certain the uneasiness I was really experiencing, underneath all of the assuring words of my posts about Jesus and God, led me to my current recognition. I always had a feeling of fooling myself into believing I knew, without doubt, “the truth.” I always felt as though I could win the argument about the Lord, no matter what question someone would throw my way. In all honesty, away from the writing platforms and while alone in my head, I didn’t really believe what I was proclaiming. Like now, I believe there is certainly a God–a Creator–and that Jesus, if anyone or anything, is the mediator between God and man. The only reason I even consider the Jesus factor is because of the Bible. I don’t need anything other than the natural world and its order to see God, but I digress.

I still have faith in Jesus. I still pray. He/it is still my way. Do I understand it all? No. I cannot figure God out and I will no longer try. Reading through the WordPress posts about God only adds to my problems addressed here.

The whole, “being human” gig is very difficult for me. I am very analytical and anal-retentive. Not much of a gray area within my thinking. So, instead of writing out my emotions, I am just doing things that bring me pleasure. If I need to step back and process my emotions, I do so, with either myself or also with people I truly trust and love. Away from this place I have made a habit of coming to, which usually results in battles with myself and others on a screen, I have a different view of life. A more therapeutic one. Since observing the majority of the writings here at WordPress, I am finding that others are also battling themselves in many of the same ways I am recognizing within myself. Not only do I not wish to add fuel to my own fire, but I also do not wish to fuel theirs.

2 thoughts on “Bad Medicine

  1. For me it’s the bible, I can’t bring myself to read it much anymore. After reading all the difference in opinions or “theologies” as some call it and all the verses people use to justify themselves, actions or beliefs, I just can’t get into it anymore.
    What I’ve learned is you either trust God or you don’t, everything else is insignificant to some degree.
    And I’m not saying the bible is the problem, nor am I saying one shouldn’t read it, there’s lots of good stuff in it.
    Ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s a blessing, there’s no faith like blind faith. Some believe that blind faith isn’t a saving faith, I tend to disagree.
    Sending you and yours much Peace and Love Damon.

    Liked by 1 person

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