Why I Do Not Write

It has been a few years now…

A blog was suggested by a friend on a social media site. I was continuously posting my thoughts–mainly of my new-found relationship with Jesus–on the feed that everyone had access to. My beliefs were firm and assertive, and the way I wrote each post was somewhat controversial. After all, there were many whom did not possess a belief in a god within my list of friends on the site. They either didn’t speak of it, or didn’t completely freak out on voicing it like I had. I lost a lot of them along the way. People didn’t like the preachy posts, especially coming from a guy who was sharing the complete opposite types of posts, just prior.

So, my friend said that I should begin the blog.

My great, “awakening” served as the catalyst for the rush to spend a few bucks for this little domain. I was now able to share my voice with the whole world! At first, I thought the whole thing was a great opportunity. I was able to say what I wanted to say, in a manner that I wanted, with no acquaintances to judge the words. I had a new audience. I was now able to get others to see what the Lord had done for me, with the hope of those others jumping on board with my ways…

Yes, my ways.

I went through many changes while expressing myself and my beliefs during the progressive period.

For the past few years, I have shared hundreds of writings and thousands of words. While doing so, I have picked up hundreds of followers (people who enjoy my writings, I’m guessing). The opportunity to follow great writers and other people who share my faith has also been a great opportunity. I can view all of these voices put into word from across the globe. That’s pretty cool. As the time has passed, I have started to notice something that has recently captivated me, almost to the point of giving up writing about anything and keeping it all to myself. In many cases, as I had said, the “my way” shines through within the writings many display here at the Press. I mean that in a way that is not cool. Not cool, because I realized that I had been writing for the same reason:

Big ego, wanting validation.

A recent video I had viewed of a man who’d claimed himself to be a Prophet of God really made me realize just how full of myself I have been all along. I think now that a great majority of Christian leaders, as well as followers, see themselves as something more. After all of the interactions with others, words read and the words I have written here at WordPress, and especially after viewing the delusional foolishness of the man in the video, I have come to a sensible conclusion. Conclusion being, I am tired of using God to validate myself. It’s almost as though I’m using God as an idol. Idolatry is forbidden in my belief. So, why should I carry on in it?

There is so much in this life that can consume us. My mother, for example, is consumed by fear. It is at the forefront of each day, each decision, each chapter of her life. Others are consumed with such things as their ego, big ones, begging for validation. Others are consumed by a god that gives them the right to sit high upon a throne and spit upon the world with their spittle of honey. They share words, make videos, and count the followers, and their head just gets bigger and bigger…

I’ll no longer write for those same reasons.

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