The only thing I knew at the time was the fact that my soul was in need.
The beginning of the past week was like most of the previous ones. A new work week had me longing for the weekend well before noon on Monday. I was prepared for what the beautiful forecast on Saturday would deliver.
Yesterday morning, I packed up a few things—not much, just enough. With my digital camera, some water, a blanket and a few snacks, I jumped in my vehicle and began the drive. The anticipated sunshine I had looked forward to the entire week was right there with me as I headed east on the highway. In less than two hours I would soon be at my destination.
Hemlock Cliffs is a little spot I had never been to. In the middle of nowhere near a little place called English, there is a wonderful and peaceful hideaway…
I had asked for a peace before leaving to reach this place of mystery. I had faith that the Lord would hear my request. As I walked along the creek bed and explored the steep hills, I decompressed.
The world has been robbing me of what little joy that I have left. I wish that I could tell everyone that my life is ideal, and while the appearance of it to others may look suitable, it is my inner being that suffers. I carry a heavy load of baggage and my demons haunt me. Religion has stripped me of giving a damn about the consequences of sin, because I’ve been such a self-perceived, “bad man,” all of my life. Now, I’m only worse than before in the eyes of the Lord, according to the book that is supposed to be the written work of God Himself. I had beaten myself with the holy whips of chastisement long before being introduced to the messy halls of churches, or the many cults of manipulation: just choose a denomination, a set of rules everyone can agree on, and if you play the cards correctly, then your soul–the same soul that admires such beauty as this natural place I have visited–may be saved. Throw in the division the world drives in our current times, a handful of games that people love to play, and I’m pretty much done with most of my personal world.
Thankfully, the experience with nature yesterday gave me insight…
I climbed that steep hill and fought through the pain in my legs. Each step was cautiously balanced. Slipping on the leaves as I climbed, I thought about the destination at the top, wondering if it would be anything like I had imagined.
The blanket was spread out and I took a seat. The vision in my head all week of just sitting in an unspecified location, under a canopy of trees while breathing in fresh air, was now before me. It was the moment that took away all of my recent maladies…
Lying back with my head on my pack, I was at peace. Perhaps it really was God providing me the little bit of serenity I had asked for? I admired His majestic creations and released my mind for a bit.
It again occurred to me that I am just a form that takes up space, in a space full of nothingness. Peering through the trees, I thought of the infinite blackness, or nothing, that we inhabit. We are only an unmeasurable decimal of the things within the vastness of space. We clutter our minds with our own madness. We make, see and long to understand things within the nothingness and call them what we choose. I realized that we miss the true essence of God: that which is outside of these things we perceive. In God’s infinite, “no–thing,” we suffer. We dig for reasons to disconnect from that which yokes us to our fears and the perceived world in which we live–the same thing I was attempting to do there on that hill. Yet, I needed the hill to realize. I needed that place of God’s wonder to understand. I had to go there yesterday in order to remember that silence and nothingness (space) is where the peace of God is found.
While staring into the beauty of the manifested world, I was enthralled by the planet’s offering…
The path was magnificent with every step.
A sense of clarity began to ignite within me as I headed back up the trail. Things will hopefully be a bit different from now on.