So many times throughout these last few weeks, I’ve found myself having to take control of the wandering thoughts.
These thoughts, which in turn lead to the emotions that have absolutely ruined my life in years passed, have been making their way in. It’s mysterious: the thoughts that I know that I don’t need have a way of inching into my efforts of keeping them out. “Satan at work,” I suppose. Sometimes I wonder if that has any validity as I go about my numbered days? Yet, the thoughts come. They are not fruitful, they lead me into familiar escapes that didn’t end up working in the past, and they absolutely rob my joy. It’s been happening a lot lately.
The specifics are unique in my personal experience, as we all have our own. It’s coping with them that varies.
I often used to run to my Bible and read through texts that were relevant to my troubles, and it honestly helped. I really don’t do it much anymore. The thing that I’ve learned, and have stuck with, is the fact that if God is omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent, I only do the damage to myself when trying to please and appease such an unfathomable deity. In my little mind, this equates to much more than what a book and religion can accomplish or explain. I really have to look at human biology and the ways in which the Creator has crafted the magnificent body in which I live. I must look at all of the intricate factors that go into the ever-changing engineering of my complex brain. It makes a lot more sense than staying in a box of religion, with a million contradictions and loose ends. Unfortunately, religion is what caused a great amount of my delusional thoughts that led to emotional ruination.
These thoughts that lead to emotions is something that I am studying right now. Its interesting to see how strange we really are. The coping mechanisms are cut and dry, yet we seem to fail many more times opposed to overcoming. Recognizing when a thought is there that will lead me into harmful territory is what I am practicing taking control of. I’m making a habit of it.