Quiddity

The beginning of a transformative way of observation has been leeching. It is something that has latched onto my thinking mind and is slowly becoming the new normal.

I took a long bike ride through the city yesterday evening. The five o’clock hour marked the beginning of a nine day vacation from the employer. It is always a freeing experience to ride for me, as the intake of oxygen provides the euphoric nurturing. But the ride last night was a bit different. It was nice to know that I have the upcoming days off, but the moments–each of most of the moments–during my trek around the city were fully embraced without the judgments my mind is habitually prone to.

Those judgments are what I’m used to. For the majority of my life, I wasn’t aware of the silent observer within. To observe the thoughts without my judgments of them–in other words, studying my emotions, letting the feelings pass before my observance, taking what enters from the externals and not allowing myself to be entangled within what it brings or presents to me–has liberated me from the mind I’ve always known: the egoic mind, as one teacher calls it. The ego always wants control. What is interesting about my new way of viewing the world and myself within it is the recognition of essence having no ego. Essence–mine, yours, the tree, etc.–has no ego. Unlike the tree, we create from the deep-rooted ego, our own demise. What is coming to light is the realization of the fact. It will always be impossible to completely stay away from the egoic mind, but knowing that it is achievable has opened me up to experiencing the essence shared with the tree.

The world for me is, as I used in a previous writing, “illuminating,” in its essence; the universal essence, I am beginning to understand. Knowing more about the essence is bringing me out of the destructive mind and further into the essence.

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