It goes against the very grain of me to live in the Now.
How often it has been throughout my life to go off into a time that only exists within my head; in memories of another now. The times when I had or went without. Times when things were not as good, or maybe better. Forgetting and most times ignoring those past times as all that I had known in that particular presence within this stretch I call my life. Going back, only in my mind, and becoming what I was…
Why do we go back and grab hold of memories as if they are where we should reside for a period? Insanity, the more I learn about it. As I take in the thoughts within the present leisure time, and while glimpses of the past are observed, I realize just how much of my life, the writings, years of thoughts and focuses have been on the places that only exist within the mind. Unconscious. Delusional. Facets of the Emotional Pain Body, as my teacher calls it. Reflections of our lives are sometimes fueled by the egoic mind–pulling us out of the current moment (the only true time) and ultimately reconstructing our consciousness into the unconscious state. One that robs us of the observance of our thoughts. One that places us back into the delusion: identification with a time only existent within memory. Oh, how it ransacks the thoughts that ultimately turn into those emotions we drown ourselves in.
The unobserved mind will take anyone into fantasy, and fantasies aren’t always good.