Take Me Away

When reading many of the writings of others, a common thread often appears: An escape is necessary.

There has been so many roads along this personal journey. The times now behind have brought me to this very moment, and as reflection can be now be observed, I recall such disarray in my youthful ignorance. It was a bad, bad deal. I just didn’t know, as I winged my way through this weird world, how to process the constant trauma, both self-induced and residual. The two, always reciprocating and encouraging each other.

Something to numb the mind of its tragic maladies, or a go with a God who never spoke the same language as I could.

In recent times, the thoughts have diminished. I know now what had never occurred to me before in all of those days of suffering and accelerated destruction of myself and the world around me. I never knew how to be that silent watcher of my mind. There was never a time when the religion or therapist had told me to look at the face value of what was being played out in thought. The constant string of jazz, always changing and contorting. It would consume most of the time. I remember sitting at one point with my gun and wondering if the pull of its trigger would end the thoughts I couldn’t escape.

I don’t really know how I’ve arrived at this place where all seems to be so easily accepted, as long as my habitual tendencies step aside. To fall back into a trap of becoming my destructive thoughts; being controlled by a conceptual narrative derived from sensory, is a practice I really cannot see happening anymore. The fiery pits have destroyed my will to suffer, so I do have a deep drive to keep the knowing of what thoughts truly are, and how they pinch and pull.

We all try to escape the thoughts. Very few practice the observance of validity in what crosses the mind. It is humbling and increasingly soothing to see what is happening within. Perhaps one day the world won’t need an escape from the mind.

7 thoughts on “Take Me Away

  1. So true Damon. I wonder how many of us use/have used mind-numbing agents just to survive. It’s taken me such a long time to have the courage to face suffering, both my own and that of the world. It’s also taken a long time to learn that forgiveness is not a one-off occurrence – it has to be done on a daily basis, both on my part and on the part of those towards me.
    Like you, I feel ‘in a better place’ now – I would hate to to back through those turbulent years!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I woke this morning and thought about how the pull of negative thinking had taken control of me over the weekend on several occasions. That residual and habitual tendency to stay with the familiar ways really had me in a subtle place of negativity, especially Saturday. I was aware at least. Sometimes a review is essential, so I watched the video. Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Being aware . . . that’s great! Often it’s all too easy just to let the negativity overwhelm us, so being aware is a real step in the right direction. We’ll begin to build on the foundation of good habits – even if it takes a lifetime! πŸ˜€πŸ™Œ

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My personal experience is that when we stay with our pain long enough one day it just lets go and something pure and whole and even cleansing rises up.. some kind of acceptance, no rejection any more of any aspect of the journey just the clear sighted seeing it was all for a reason.. but each person’ s path varies and all paths have value.

    Liked by 1 person

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