Closure

After some thought about this morning’s post, I’ve decided to keep the blog up and running.

There was a great deal of fatigue earlier in the day. The evening before was a rough one for me. I didn’t sleep well last night, and the tired mind had a lot of pull on the early day’s writing. I spend so much of my time consumed with the whole God thing–it always seems to find its way into my head chatter. When I’m tired, the residual battle with religion within myself tends to nag and pull, and I have many posts elaborating this. This morning, while lack of sleep and many negative thoughts about the unfortunates within my life were present, I once again wrote about the religious experience.

It’s really a situation for me. When I cannot figure something out, it seems to put me in a weird place. Being the way that I am due to the past, I have the tendency to push until things are completed. There is one problem when it comes to knowing the certainty of God--I don’t know. The bigger issue is, for me, the knowing that no one else knows either. I’ve spent countless hours reading, studying, listening; going to places of worship and attending Bible studies, taking in the words of scholars here at WordPress, and I’ve stared into the depths as I’d try to convince myself that it was all the truth. A lot of energy was spent, and truthfully, it left me empty. It cut to the quick, and I’m still to this day left bleeding.

It is becoming a nuisance: this nagging question of God. I don’t believe in the Christian one, and I don’t know what all of this life before me is about. I refuse to claim that I know what Jesus was talking about, for I know too much has been manipulated within this religious sect. If Jesus was real, then he had some sort of insight that most of his time did not. I refuse to believe anything beyond that. It is fascinating to think about some of the things I’ve read in the many different translations of the Bible, but I cannot say for sure that it is all, or at all, God-inspired. So I’m going to make a pledge and hopefully stick with it. From here on out, no more God talk. When I choose to write, it will be about the face-value topics of the life and world I know.

If people need a means to an end, and they use religion to attain it, so be it. I can no longer demand that the answer to this life (God) must present itself when I already know that it won’t. Hopefully in the future my blog will acquire a new spin–one that will edify and provide some sort of food for thought for the viewer, and not a bunch of talk about the source no one can define.

4 thoughts on “Closure

  1. You will keep on blogging, Damon. It’s part of your make-up to express yourself through writing and the blogging community would be that bit poorer without your posts. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been going to pack it all in – not because of anyone else, but because of myself being agitated and not at peace. I’ve gone through the ‘religious’ struggle that you’re going through and I really do understand the frustration of it all.

    There is a way through it, though one person’s journey may be different to someone else’s. For me, I have come to see, as you have done, that the bible is pieced together with writings from anonymous people – their vision of a god as they saw it in ancient times, and then accounts of Jesus by people who wrote long after he died and had no first-hand contact with him. It’s all been manipulated by the church ever since with endless dogmas and creeds. The historical Jesus would be devastated to see how his message of love and compassion had gone so horribly wrong.

    I’ve discovered that it’s entirely pointless to argue about the whole thing with Christians. For me, I had to walk away for my own sake – leave them to their beliefs and let me get on with my own evolving perceptions. Breaking away from the fundamentalists was the first step to discovering a more peaceful, loving and fulfilled way of life.

    Sorry for this long reply, Damon. I just wanted to reassure you that you’re not on your own. You’re going through something that many, many people go through and come out of being all the happier for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for the reply, I do appreciate it. Thanks also for your encouragement and understanding of what I’m learning. It is good to know that you and I share this common experience and that we are both pulling through. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When we are constantly struggling to try to understand about God we are growing. It is a painful process and may never go away. I think that all of us who don’t accept pat answers will continue to ask questions and try to find answers that we can count on. We want certainty. Unfortunately, it is not to be had unless we are willing to believe easy answers. You don’t want those answers any more and growth is uncomfortable. Most of us want answers that we can hold on to. They make us feel safe. With God only accepting that it is a leap of faith and there are no answers is all we can do. You are growing. Embrace it. Those of us asking serious questions all go through this. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

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