After some thought about this morning’s post, I’ve decided to keep the blog up and running.
There was a great deal of fatigue earlier in the day. The evening before was a rough one for me. I didn’t sleep well last night, and the tired mind had a lot of pull on the early day’s writing. I spend so much of my time consumed with the whole God thing–it always seems to find its way into my head chatter. When I’m tired, the residual battle with religion within myself tends to nag and pull, and I have many posts elaborating this. This morning, while lack of sleep and many negative thoughts about the unfortunates within my life were present, I once again wrote about the religious experience.
It’s really a situation for me. When I cannot figure something out, it seems to put me in a weird place. Being the way that I am due to the past, I have the tendency to push until things are completed. There is one problem when it comes to knowing the certainty of God--I don’t know. The bigger issue is, for me, the knowing that no one else knows either. I’ve spent countless hours reading, studying, listening; going to places of worship and attending Bible studies, taking in the words of scholars here at WordPress, and I’ve stared into the depths as I’d try to convince myself that it was all the truth. A lot of energy was spent, and truthfully, it left me empty. It cut to the quick, and I’m still to this day left bleeding.
It is becoming a nuisance: this nagging question of God. I don’t believe in the Christian one, and I don’t know what all of this life before me is about. I refuse to claim that I know what Jesus was talking about, for I know too much has been manipulated within this religious sect. If Jesus was real, then he had some sort of insight that most of his time did not. I refuse to believe anything beyond that. It is fascinating to think about some of the things I’ve read in the many different translations of the Bible, but I cannot say for sure that it is all, or at all, God-inspired. So I’m going to make a pledge and hopefully stick with it. From here on out, no more God talk. When I choose to write, it will be about the face-value topics of the life and world I know.
If people need a means to an end, and they use religion to attain it, so be it. I can no longer demand that the answer to this life (God) must present itself when I already know that it won’t. Hopefully in the future my blog will acquire a new spin–one that will edify and provide some sort of food for thought for the viewer, and not a bunch of talk about the source no one can define.