Rehash

I don’t like some of the truths about myself.

There is a whole blog that I created here that looks back on the past; all of the conditioning that created the monster I am. All of those failures and flaws that, in my thirties, caused me to see a god of judgment. The good Lord was a just spirit, or man, or both, and he would provide for me a reason to not have to deal with my emotions and thoughts. I just had to believe that there was a little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, and it was my decision to whom I would listen to. The human ways–the ones we all possess, Christian or not–are somehow summed up in the pages of a book that has been fabricated by authorities of Rome, and we, in the current age, are supposed to base our whole life upon it. Well, that book and period of my life did nothing but make all of the emotions and thoughts even more erratic. Making myself try to believe it all was a waste of precious energy. Why, after all of the suffering that I had caused myself because of my own ignorance would I give my life to more discombobulation called, “The Truth,” or as millions call it, the Bible? More conditioning, that’s why. Pretending we are inadequate, because the constructed god of the Roman Catholic Church or a possibly fictional man named Moses said so, is not good for us fallible men and women. But, for many, living in a fool’s paradise provides comfort, which I suppose comes from fear of being burned for eternity? Or maybe it comes from not having the courage to spend some time working on one’s self? The Bible is the way out of the mess that humans are, and if I didn’t believe this, I was only serving myself, not God.

This blog: a bunch of stories of the past; a time relived each time I open up the posts and read of something that yesterday held, not usually relevant to where I am now. It is not something I really like anymore; something I don’t really like about myself. It always seems to be a stroke of my own ego. I like to believe that it helps others, but I’m not sure that it is true. The thoughts of my religious nightmares probably only send people into either their own emotional rollercoaster or a prayer for my lost soul. So maybe the blog is just a thing of the past that I need to let go of? That’s the truth I’m trying to find this morning. Is this my fool’s paradise?

2 thoughts on “Rehash

  1. Fundamentalist Christianity created so much cognitive dissonance in me that it has now become a trigger – thankfully, I’m learning to deal with it.
    I relate to all the points you’ve made, Damon.

    Liked by 1 person

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