A woman who seems to be deeply scarred by men from her past had me thinking about the people from my own past this evening.
I tend to read the posts from the other bloggers I follow more so on the weekends. In a late night surf through the followed sites, I ran across another one of her writings. She seems to spend a lot of her time wrapped up in the past. Thoughts of those times seem to compel her emotions, and this is what she desires as she reflects, from what I understand.
It seems to be a common need for many–reflection of another day; a far away pain or pleasure to once again bask in.
My buddy Jason died over a decade ago, and when I listen to Pink Floyd I recall so many moments he and I shared together. The whole life back then–a good ten years of my life beside Jason and a good deal of his family–was accompanied by the music of the Floyd. Pandora spit out an acoustic version of Wish You Were Here tonight with no lyrics included. As I listened, I recalled so many intimate moments within that decade of the past. Too many to count or describe. The emotions rose. The memories–never exactly as the experiences were in those moments all of those years ago–painted pictures of gratitude, and subtle gleams of sadness. It was a reminder of the person / people he and I used to be, as well as all of those around us in those times.
We played a similar version of the same song at his viewing before the burial in 2006. All of the emotions were much different than tonight’s. I didn’t shed tears like then. There was no deep sorrow to accompany the memories of the interlude. In all actuality, it was an overall pleasurable experience in the here and now.
I don’t know the lady that well, but her post had me wondering if the emotions she experiences when thinking of the past somehow keep her in another time outside of the now? I don’t know. It just seems to be a necessity, much like my own in very recent years, to live in the past. A past that cannot be changed, or manipulated, or altered, no matter how we want it to be. A past kept alive within the mind.
The tune tonight had its place in my life. Once upon a time, I spent a lot of the days within my head, and the song’s lyrics coincided with the who and what I was in that time. Tonight, I observed the thoughts–the technique of not getting lost in them, now known. Back then, I made excuses for myself, and the deep meaning of Pink Floyd as I had interpreted in those days aided my self-pity. It gave me solace. Tonight, it really helped me to remember that the past is a teacher for the things before me in the present moment, as well as the moments to come.