The introspection has lessons to teach if we allow it to do so.
I’ve been fortunate the last few days, and it is through the pain that I’ve come to a few realizations. My work schedule has been put on hold for five days. While listening to music and spending some time reflecting on the many facets of my life, I’ve concluded a few facts.
Facts: The truths of myself. Since I’m keeping this blog going for personal reasons, I think it’s time to be honest. I share the following to hopefully allow someone else out there accept the facts about themselves.
Fact: I don’t accept the judgments that come to me, over and over, whether they be from the chatter in my own head or from the mouths of others.
I sat for many hours today thinking about the conversation I had with a loved one. I also had lunch with another person whom I love. After reflecting on the last 24 hours, I have found that this self-induced pain I’ve been feeling from the “chatter” is not me; it is not the real me. The real me is not the talk that comes and goes. Fact is, I’m a compassionate man with good intentions. A man that has trouble in this life, dealt the cards that I’ve dealt and have been dealt, while doing the best that I can and could do at the given present times. I can only be and could only be myself at the time. Cutting out the BS and getting down to the fact of being a human that is complicated.
Fact: Having trouble loving myself because of a screwed up upbringing has washed away my desire to be a good friend.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a few friends and a few people I love with my whole heart. I know my people. But, I no longer seek people out with the goal of calling them friends. Unfortunately, many people have a very sharp knife they cannot wait to shove into your back once the opportunity arises. I don’t need it. Period.
Fact: You, me, nor anyone else knows where we come from or where we are going after death.
Save the religious talk. If you were born into a Catholic family and raised Catholic, there’s a very good chance you will also be one. Protestant, Muslim, a cannibal, a sex addict, whatever, you get it. You’re a product of your environment, and many times we don’t get to think for ourselves because of the conditioning of our minds. Myself, and I mention the whole of humanity here because we all put our pants on one leg at a time, knows as well as everyone else that we have no idea what this life is really. It’s all a faithful belief in the unknown.
Fact: I am proud of myself.
I’m completely sick of feeling terrible because of the world and the people in it. People are by far the biggest challenge in the world. Think about it.