The past week has served up a lot of different people and their true natures. It has also given me a lot of opportunity to observe how I interact with others.
Holidays bring about the many faces, and I believe that this is the first year in a very long time that I will be able to truly deal with all…well, most of what comes along with it.
I’ve been testing myself lately. It was never hard to seek out the imperfections in others. I always had a wall up around people because of past experiences with my emotions. There’s a lot to that. In short, negative emotions always dampened the way I interacted with people. The test on myself has been interesting. I’ve began to see what a lot of my problem has been all along: Over analyzing. Being too analytical I’m finding is harmful. I do it to everyone. I do it to myself. It then becomes critical. This alone has been the problem for me for more years than I can count. It has come to light this week.
There is a blogger who reminds me of my late father. He, in my eyes, is an extremely pompous human being. His opinions, judgments, ways of wording things; the few interactions I’ve had with him as well as the content I’ve read that provides glimpses of his relationships with others has convinced me of him being the same type of religious bigot as dad.
The blogger hits a nerve in me. I’m sure it has something to do with the relationship I had with my dad. There is something in me that longs to know what kind of pain is residing within the blogger, in the same way that I wondered what it was within dad. What is the underlying cause of projecting the frustration and anger into the world? If I had to guess, there is the underlying but also the religion aspect intensifying the frustration. To me, as found in my own experience, religious dogma (specifically, Christianity) has a way of warping the human mind. Frustrating in itself, it becomes more of a pain than a comfort. Yet, people desperately try to convince themselves of it being the answer to every single one of life’s problems. The drunk stays drunk even after being dunked in the baptismal waters and the Priest still watches the little boys. An underlying cause of pain is happening to all people, all of humanity, and deliverance from it is being attained when individuals get down to the root of what causes it. Introspection and therapy don’t have to be a religion of their own, and thankfully it isn’t something only offered in churches.
No matter what a person chooses to put their personal faith in, an underlying malady can be identified and snuffed out. It definitely can be recognized and put to rest. Unfortunately, some people fear that unknown area. Suffering is much more familiar and anything new sounds scary as hell. For myself, the testing this past week has proven to be a challenge worth risking. I have seen just how much of the past conditioning of my mind manages the present, whether it be within myself or during interaction with others. It was really nice to be able to brush off insults, have a lunch with a friend without freaking out on things that I normally would, and it was absolutely awesome seeing myself at ease in situations that would normally bring anxiety. Learning to live in the present moment and to observe every thought I have has given me a freedom I’ve never had in my adult life. The real power to overcome lies within ourselves. If we can embrace that, we surely learn to accept all of these colors we find within the broken people of our world. It just hurts to see so many of the Christians doing the opposite because of their exclusionary views…
I’ll do my own part, and it is definitely going to take some work. The goal is to just be kind and to remember that everyone has a share of struggle–it’s part of being human.