The joy of Christmas is something that has changed for me this year.
A few months ago I was gazing into the vast and infinite space. Behind what was visible, I thought about how small I was. In the grand scheme of what I could comprehend as I observed, it occurred to me that my mind has such a minimal say in what was going on in that space. ‘It is like I am a conscious grain of sand in an ocean,’ I thought. It was so humbling to realize that.
As I go on with the daily experience that occurs, I find it harder and harder to believe that the Bible has it right. It is impossible to think that out of this infinite space, man is the God. It is asinine. I saw a picture of the brain this morning with the spinal cord and nerves. It had me thinking about the miracle of how that tissue is in control of the rest of us and how the whole of us works. It is amazing. What is the life force? What is consciousness? The questions are mind boggling.
Beneath the stars that night, I gave up on the will to commit to something with no definite proof. I don’t care what that book says. If it works for some, then that is okay. It just doesn’t work for me. I’ve grown tired of people trying to prove things that can also be disproven, both, with pieces that are not even solid to say the least. It’s a game I’m sick of. The pagan holiday we celebrate this year is still centered around idolatry and other things that people shove under the rug. Although, I love Christmas.
Christmas is about coming together and sharing. It is about giving, because it is through giving that we receive. It’s about being human, and kind. It is about experiencing the warmth and love in every person, and even deeper than that, for me, it is about the realization of everyone being broken in their own ways. At Christmastime, I am more inclined to put aside differences and disagreements. It is kind of sad, now that I type it. Why shouldn’t I ALWAYS do this? Boundaries have to be placed at times, but I need to be less involved in residual emotional scarring. A gift to myself this year! A work in progress. But Christmas is about inviting all people into the compassionate spirit we are all a part of. We all take up our microscopic space in the infinite space, and we all deserve to know what a thing we call love feels like. We need to share that. It is universal, at least, in the human experience. As for the rest of the universe, I don’t know. Maybe there is some other emotion far greater somewhere out there? Perhaps there is other life that has the same questions as we do?
This particular year is a start of something new. I am no longer bound by a belief. I don’t have any desire to hurt anyone anymore, even though the scars are there. I’m learning to observe the thoughts instead of becoming them. Tomorrow, as we come together as a family, I just want to live in the moment and share the joy I have. I want to experience the lives of those I care for. Hope you will too.