Flypaper

Those coiled, sticky strips that are hung in homes are effective, but they sure are gross! I was an exterminator for a period of time and used to see a lot of people using the eyesores. Growing up my grandma loved to smack them with the swatter. SPLAT! She seemed to enjoy it. Spread the bug guts on surfaces, or watch them slowly die on the paper? We choose. I don’t know why but my cats love to catch them and eat them. Hey, if they get their kicks from munching on the prize kill who am I to stop them?

It occurred to me this morning after a good talk with my mom that her sticky mess of a relationship is now dissolving. Why it reminded me of someone being stuck to the nasty flypaper is beyond me, but it illustrates the way in which we all get ourselves stuck in overwhelming situations…in my strange mind, anyway. She had a long and difficult dissolve with her soon to be ex-husband throughout the last few years. She and I have not seen the situation in the same manner, understandably, but I try to remember that it was her battle, not my own. All of the talks we had about pressing on, pulling through, mind over matter, living in the present moment–the positive and bright side I’d just throw into the air while she was stuck to the paper. All of that business was definitely not what she needed to constantly hear. Maybe it was a good bug to place in her ear? Hehe. The talk with her this morning gave me a hope I cannot say I’ve had with my mom, if ever? She was very positive today!

Mom has been a rock for me, the biggest burden of my life and the worst example. She has been the constant that I abused and neglected to recognize. My life was very difficult because of her choices. In recent times I’ve felt that she and I had little more than a ‘oh god do we have to be around each other’ type of relationship. But I can honestly say that many changes and brutal honesty has mended us again. That’s what love does. It is sometimes very painful, but worth the pain in many instances. Backing off of mom is something I’ve had to learn to do for both of us. I’m the go getter, and a male which makes the difference to her for whatever reason. She is a follower, a female (lesser, I suppose?) and she has spent most of her life surrounded by fear. It used to irk me to listen to her, what I had only envisioned as a poor me outlook. Honestly, backing off and taking a deeper look at the way I am had to be done. The attacks, even though meant to be helpful at the time of me doing the Mr. Positivity song and dance, were taking her down further. Stepping away and letting her do her was a good choice. Of course, right before Christmas I was a blunt and coarse shithead throwing the facts around about her life. Not a good thing to do. I hate when people lie to themselves but beating someone when they’re down? No. Can’t do that. I smoothed it over during Christmas. It’s a shame I had to, but I’m me.

This morning my phone call to her after a week or so of not texting or calling was a blessing I wasn’t expecting. I know my mom’s voice and know when she is up or down. Her voice sounded so alien today. It was nice to hear her say all of the positive things that have been missing for more years than I can count. It was beautiful! I was using words of praise and props when responding! She obviously has been speaking to her friends and her sister I gathered. They are strong and I believe they have been helping her along. She seemed to be a little more thankful and grateful. Stronger. Happier. It was a good start to both of our mornings.

I think about that nasty flypaper and see that both mother and I have been stuck to it many times throughout the years. Maybe we wiggled free and left a leg or two behind, and at times we were on the verge of dying there while suspended and dangling on the sticky trap. We both agreed that we are the only ones who can really free ourselves. The pace and methods just vary. What was cool about the morning though was both of us acknowledging the enduring love that has always reciprocated throughout our relationship. Heck yeah! It makes me glad!

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