I Woke Up

After listening to Mr. Alan Watts tonight, it is evident to me that what the last few weeks have illuminated is a direct reflection of what he had spoken of.

There have been times throughout those weeks of mine, involving a handful of certain individuals, that have served up the evidence to back up the words I’d heard from Mr. Watts tonight. And to save a long post, it comes down to no human being really knowing what the hell is going on in this place we call the universe.

It is the freeing and peaceful fact of never knowing what the internal and external worlds we know- objective and subjective; the natural world and what we pea-sized brain humans make of it- really are!

I encountered a few co-workers and family over the last few weeks that had me painted into a corner thinking about the topics I believe are the truth, but Mr. Watts broke it down for me tonight. The night has been uneasy and I was rather depressed earlier on. Work week had come to a close and around six this evening I laid down for a nap. After rising and kissing my lover off to go to her shift at the hospital, I sat in the basement and began to paint. All of those thoughts about the individuals this past several weeks began to bombard.

Normally, Friday nights are enjoyable, but not the beginning of this one. See, I have a hard time with EMOTIONS. Sometimes it hurts deeply to face them. And that is exactly how I do it anymore, I face them head on. Being somewhat empathetic is a blessing and a curse, and one might say it fucks with the mind-made sense of myself. Which is also another topic I dwell heavily upon within myself and everyone else. Picking apart every single thread while I walk around this place. A curse, I tell you! But that was the way I arrived here after my encounters over the last few weeks–drained mentally. Totally blitzed from too much feedback from others after seeing their truths.

Painting became a chore, and I am tired. Writing became a better thing to do as Mr. Watts said it like he does. There was nothing but factual words of straight truth coming from the speakers of the television. I had to get on WordPress and write it out for the world because it just hit me that way in my tired and drained state. It comes down to me, a mere human, only called that because humans created that word for it (remember that word), forgetting about the surface crap we know as existence and the little games I/we play within it, and getting on with the show. We all run around in our bubbles thinking we know what is best, that we know God, that we have our lives figured out, et cetera, and run into these miniscule problems, like my own tonight, while acting like we know what the universe is and so on. Knowing tonight that it is all rubbish has opened me back up to my true self, and I’m happy now. Yes, not knowing what the real thing (this life really is) is exhilarating. It is the God of Gods, this thought alone. Why should any of us think we are far more than we really are in the grand scheme of things?

2 thoughts on “I Woke Up

  1. I agree, Damon. I’ve found that I’m more at peace with accepting the mystery of everything instead of exhausting myself with endless rumination trying to figure things out.

    Liked by 1 person

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