It was a bad night. Some very frightening events, that now lie still this morning thankfully, were another reminder of just how quickly our lives can become something that is completely unsettling.
The last few weeks have changed me. Yes, the dross metaphor my father had once talked about—those life changing moments that are skimmed away revealing a different perspective beneath, or within—has been evident in recent days. Put bluntly, I’m jaded to the core over many things. It has changed me. Sometimes that nasty dross reveals purity beneath that has a composition of complex and complicated values. Me being that. I’m really okay with the new feeling as of late. Truly not caring about what others expect from me is what it ultimately comes down to. See, I’ve had this thing about holding on, and it pertains to the too many shits I’ve given for the majority of my life when it involves the thoughts others have about my personal decisions. Well, I’m not sorry anymore. Putting up with the crap other people CHOOSE and having to work with it, while handling my own choices, well, if I don’t feel like it is worth it in my gut, then I’m walking away.
People pleasing. Yes, that’s the words I was trying to gather. Not going to anymore. I’m so completely exhausted from the constant, trying to do the right things in order to keep everyone “happy” all of the time. Then finding that selfish people really don’t care anyway is the truth that I’m now seeing more and more of in life…
So fuck them.
The scary events last night revealed the people who really matter, and it was the eye opener that also illuminated the people and things that really matter as I sat here this morning. Jaded may not be the word? Maybe it is better described with saying, it is what it is. Now, for me, where I am.
Holding on loosely and expecting little from this life is working, and sometimes it involves holding on very loosely to others and their stupid decisions. All things pass away, and clinging too tightly to the wrong things can rob the joy before you right now.