I woke up. It was enough for me this morning to just be grateful for waking. Taken for granted, most days. Yesterday had its own worries and blessings, and I am assured today will be the same. She has a new diagnosis. She read about the devastating effects the shit could very well have on her. At worst, fatal. Watching her lock herself in the … Continue reading Diary Entry
I knocked on my father’s door at the end of the hall last night. I knew that it was his apartment because of the items outside of his door. He didn’t answer at first, but he finally did. As he appeared, his mostly naked body stumbled backward as he let me in. His nose clearly had been broken, his words were slurred, and his eyes … Continue reading A Man—No More Than A Dream
I watched the beautiful sun setting yesterday evening, and something occurred to me. It’s been a rough season for me personally. Outside of the pandemic and all of its trace consequences, I’ve had quite a bit of distress of my own. This virus crap is minimal within my worries. I believe death is not only inevitable but it is also something that we cannot focus … Continue reading The Rushed Descent
People need content. They need something to think about. Less than a week ago I had decided to stop blogging for an unknown period of time. The things that I was allowing into my life, via posts I had been reading, were causing me to get very irritated. During my temporary hiatus, I have noticed that more people are actually following my blog. Well, they … Continue reading Obscured Observance
What a sad and cheerless world… I’m getting closer to being done with WordPress. My decision may change in time, but due to most of the posts lacking any sort of inspiration, I’m thinking about hanging it up. The walk along the road lead me to a choice to blog. With Jesus in mind, I began writing about how His provision was/is a part of … Continue reading Better Days Ahead
I looked into the eyes of a man in a photo this morning. He is an esteemed leader in a mega-church. Thousands of people love his teachings of the Bible, and they respect his rank of Senior Pastor within the church. “Senior Pastor” is a title that the world has crafted up based on our merit system. Nothing to do with the Bible, but that’s … Continue reading Just A Man
It is intriguing for me to observe the interests of others and to wonder why they do what they do. It’s also important. Being a deep thinker is hereditary, I’m finding. As I grow older, I’m beginning to see just how much of my father is really in here. He would study people (not in a creepy stalking manner, FYI), observing their words, facial expressions … Continue reading Something To Do
The real killer is not COVID-19, it is fear. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, fear is the driving force the world thrives upon. I cannot go anywhere or read anything without recognizing it. Usually, the fear turns into some other form of emotion, such as hate. I read a post from a woman last night on Facebook that had me boiling. She, … Continue reading We’re All Going To Die!
The morning opened with a familiar sin. Crawling out of bed was quickly greeted by the weak and tired mind being obscured by a sin that I continuously struggle with. It’s not surprising. I know full well just how bad the particular vice I struggle with is, yet I sometimes give in to its tempting pull. It’s no excuse, I know. If we are called … Continue reading Again…
A few nights ago, I had a terrible nightmare that was all-consuming. Do you ever have that type of dream that is lucid and so realistic that it seems as though it is actually happening? Where you wake the next morning, questioning the true reality of your existence? Well, this nightmare was one of those. I suppose it had been the questioning of certain aspects … Continue reading Substance
After a long work week, I spent some time cycling along the roads of the city. There are lots of neighborhoods, rural roads, wooded areas with dirt trails, and the streets I used to frequent when I did live in my hometown. I choose to ride in these areas because it is good for my thoughts as I take in all of the oxygen. Cardio … Continue reading Where Ends Meet
The past few days have brought me a few realizations that had not been completely embraced, until now. Spending a good amount of time alone is something I’ve learned to deal with. For the past three days, I have been taking a break from work. As my wife has been working third shift and sleeping the majority of the rest of the time, and as … Continue reading King Of Pain
I’m going to be completely transparent this evening, and it may disappoint a few. There is a lingering sadness that hangs over my head. It is not a type of emotional condition that one may quickly identify with or relate to, but rather a true part of me that life has courteously thrown my way. I use the word sadness to define the overall condition … Continue reading The Quest For Hope
“The old has gone, the new is here!” Yes, that is from 2 Corinthians 5 in what is called the New International Version (NIV). I’ve been up and down the road of religious uneasiness for several years, and it was because of words like these that I had such a bad experience. The “old” me: the one that I had struggled to make even the … Continue reading Oh, How They Love The Self-Patronizing!
Kudos to those: The ones who claim to have a grip. The ones who pretend, like children in fantasy worlds. The ones who believe they have found the undisputed truths, with proven alternatives beside. The ones who make their lives appealing before the eyes of spectators because they are not happy with the internal; behind the eyes of insecurity and the lies they convince themselves … Continue reading Branded
A teacher was traveling with his students from one city to another. As they traveled, they happened to pass by a lake. The teacher asked one of his … 5 Reasons Why you Should Practice Stillness Continue reading 5 Reasons Why you Should Practice Stillness
Before light, my mother would wake me on school days. After the alarm wouldn’t manage to budge me from my coma, due to the evening of drugs and alcohol the night before, her persistent voice would fill my room. I recall the usual routine of sitting at the sofa with the candy dish that I used as an ashtray, while flicking my ashes from the … Continue reading Change
I don’t read what most have to say. Yesterday was a beautiful morning. There is a certain long stretch of road surrounded by the landscape of trees that I especially enjoy in the early morning, as the sun’s rays display nicely there. I have been taking the road for the last few months on my commute to work. It’s a peaceful beginning to the inevitable … Continue reading The Calamities In You
Writing is a great outlet for my true identity. It took me a very, very long time to reach this current place of contentment, and I thank the ways of the past for getting me here–the nasty, destructive, dark and disastrous. Without the overcast, I never would have been able to find the glorious light outside of its thievery. Since writing and displaying my transparencies, … Continue reading Into The Day, And Night
Checking the weather forecast is certainly something I take for granted. To see beautiful, sunny days with given percentage chances, on the news or an app, is a marvelous thing! When I see little symbols that show a sun, or a sun with a few clouds surrounding it, my life changes!! Just being lighthearted. In all seriousness, I truly do love a sunny day in … Continue reading The Value Of Sunny Days
It has been a rollercoaster ride here at WordPress, to say the least. The extremes have gone beyond what I had ever envisioned when first beginning the blog. Extremes, meaning the varying voices of the entire world–in how people choose to use their voice. I began the personal walk with the Lord less than ten years ago (possibly longer, but that is my considered timeline), … Continue reading We Think We Know
When I say, “heart,” I suppose I mean the inner being of myself. The soul–the thing that is driving this flabby, muscly, bony body. The magic that keeps me alive, if you will. Truly, the whole God thing really tugged at me, causing great mental and physical distress. The whole experience became an obsession. I had to figure this stuff out. The thing is, I … Continue reading Square Peg–Round Hole (Part 2 of 2)
“I don’t understand the darkness” is a statement someone had made regarding my chosen style of writing. Throughout the past few years on WordPress, I have poured myself out through text. As a helpful tool I had used while evaluating my personal cognitive complexity, writing later evolved into a passion. I began to write of experiences, thoughts, my walk with God, as well as poems … Continue reading Where Darkness Lies
“He is risen!” The headline of the day is flooding our cyberspace, thoughts, gatherings (although limited during quarantine) and hearts. We, as Christ followers, are celebrating a day that is considered sacred within the eyes of so many. Each man and woman in His body has a certain way of looking at this day, and each heart is in it for their own individual reason. … Continue reading He Is, Always.
The truly deadly pandemic is the constant mention of the fact. People falling prey to the media’s poise and tact. Worry and fear sell the story of instability and prose. Tune in for consternation. Your life, now decomposed. Talk about a plague!? It’s right here, everyday. In the headlines, in the blogs, in the words that many say. Have a cup of trepidation. Drink … Continue reading Contagion
It is interesting to see how the emotions play such a huge part in our experiences. I turned on my computer this morning to see a small monkey gripping firmly to a tree branch as the Windows program was booting up. Random pictures appear in this process, and they are usually accompanied by a few words to draw interest that pertains to the image. Anyway, … Continue reading Behind those Foster Grants Of Life
I think I’ll look for peace today. Not worrying about the panic and the current, stressful way. I think I’ll enjoy the songs of the birds outside my door, and see the beauty in someone that I’ve never seen before. Maybe I’ll catch the sunrise as I’m heading towards the east– capturing the calm that, for a time, had sadly ceased. I think I’ll look … Continue reading Rise
Please, add some depression to our depression! By all means, make the voice of the media your new obsession! Open your mouth as quickly as they! Turn off your own thoughts and listen to what they say! Think on their fearmongering words while running for cover! Suffer even more as the anxieties hover! Tell myself and others so we, too, are distraught! Destroy the peace … Continue reading NOOOO!!!!
Battling the “ups and downs” of this life of mine can sometimes be an all out war. When the mood disorder that I’ve always had trouble balancing rears its ugly head–pulling in every direction, with the corruption of its character having the upper hand, I sometimes become engulfed within a funk with no real reasoning behind it. I’ll then attempt to find “reasons” for the … Continue reading Trying To Forget
Surfing through a few writings this morning, and after reading the specific focus of one writer proclaiming that his dad was his “hero” while growing up, it occurred to me: I had no heroes. One can look at the word in a number of ways. In this instance, the guy was obviously talking about his father being the role model that he looked up to … Continue reading I’ve Always Been My Own Hero. I Had No Choice.
The biggest problem I have with my own faith is seeing and knowing absolutely great and loving people, and being forced to believe they are going to hell because they don’t necessarily believe what I do. It’s not limited to those outside of Christians, but within the confessing community. It bewilders me when I think about how the Lord blesses the world with so many … Continue reading Keeping My Love Unlimited
I suppose my willingness to remain strong comes from the constant fight to not fall victim to my circumstances again, and to not begin to see the world in the same ways that I used to. It was once all that I was–my circumstances. It was the only thing that I defined myself as. Failures: circumstances. Wins: circumstances. No power to get on with life: … Continue reading The Personal Real
I watched a baby Koala embrace a stuffed animal, and it made me fall into a deep, spirit-filled prayer. The video was a short clip of a little Koala that had lost its mother shortly before, and someone had brought a fake stuffed Koala to it. It seemed to be weeping, as it had its paw over its eyes, appearing to be grieving from its … Continue reading Go. Be. Do.
The willingness to move on: Do you possess it? One of my co-workers has a tendency of getting stuck within one task, and staying stuck. There may be several other tasks that need to be completed, but he finds himself completing (if that many) only one. It’s a wonder that he gets to keep his job, I sometimes think. As I thought about this example, … Continue reading Extinguish Before Exiting
I think it’s interesting to see so many people endlessly try to explain God (or the many facets of God) within their personal view of Him. All the while, existing within a reality of limited understanding, claiming to know a God they’ve never met, knowing for certain there was/is complete truth in their experiences. “Holy Spirit said to me“, or, “I know from a dream, … Continue reading Observing the Obscured
This seems to be a good way of putting the atonement in a way that can be understood. The saying “He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross” gives the impact of it but without the explanation to accompany it. “He bore our sins” by becoming one of us ‘in the flesh’ […] via JESUS DESTROYED OUR SIN IN HIS BODY [1330b] — … Continue reading JESUS DESTROYED OUR SIN IN HIS BODY [1330b] — CROSSROMAN
Writing about what is real is often accompanied by the ruffling of feathers. People seem to want validation, acknowledgement, agreements and a “like”: the newer form of appreciation we find. The great thing called social media — impersonal and unclear, many times — is the hip way of the world. We don’t have to sit with anyone and converse… Just give it a like!! Anyway, … Continue reading What??
No, not Acts of the Bible. My mother used to tell me, “It’s okay!” when I would begin to cry after seeing people in wheelchairs. She would tell me that they couldn’t walk. It was just devastating for me to see that they were not able to. When I was a very young boy, I was exposed to a lot of grief. Search my blog … Continue reading Acts
I didn’t go to church yesterday. I didn’t dress for a part to play. I didn’t have a dime for the plate. I didn’t proclaim the speaker was great. I didn’t eat more than I can hold. I didn’t join in with the stories told. I didn’t act as if life is fine. I didn’t correct what isn’t mine. I didn’t quote a verse, bringing … Continue reading I Must Not Be
Do you ever feel as though you joy is being robbed from you? Within the last few weeks, I have. It had been a very stressful time in recent days as I took on the many tasks, dealings with people and the lack of sleep. The combination had me pretty edgy throughout most of the hours. A very physical occupation which also requires a great … Continue reading Invasion Of The Joy Snatchers
The following is a writing from Alyson Kieda, via Our Daily Bread website Today’s Scripture & Insight: Matthew 9:27-38 When Jeff was a new believer in Jesus and fresh out of college, he worked for a major oil company. In his role as a salesman, he traveled; and in his travels he heard people’s stories—many of them heartbreaking. He realized that what his customers most … Continue reading We, As Shepherds, Are Sometimes Bias
Sometimes I sit and wonder if this blog of mine is really of any value to anyone other than myself? We all desire to be heard. We spend a lot of time speaking and listening, so it is obviously what God intended for us to utilize. With this thought, I am thinking deeply about the real reason why I am currently blogging. Is it really … Continue reading My Reveal
Knowing exactly what I personally don’t want in life — after making all of the bad choices that led to dismay — has paved the way to my current place of contentment. It’s a wonderful feeling to have the majority of your ducks in a row, but I say this with great humility. I’ll be the first to admit: I’ve been the worst! The absolute … Continue reading What We Want VS What We Need
Christmas time is upon us, and I have been reading the usual Christian posts: the real reason for the season, the Pagan roots of the holiday, the reasons why we should or shouldn’t celebrate, Scripture quotes. The usual. I have been thinking about what the true meaning of Christmas has become to me while being up at this very unusual hour of the morning. I … Continue reading What We Give
I sometimes witness the outward appearance of another — the composition they personally extend to the world. Getting my personal idea of just what they are made up of is sometimes very hard to pinpoint at first sight, and, many times, even harder to see the more I get to know them. I think I’m too observant, and I do tend to analyze the crap … Continue reading What Fuels Us
For over a year and a half, I have been putting my thoughts, feelings, photography, videos, many experiences, insight and the things I have learned along my personal road into a blog. It’s pretty cool having a place where I can do so. The whole intention of this is for others to see themselves (in whatever way that is) through what I share here. As … Continue reading I Can’t Be Real, It Seems
I’m up so early this morning, and just maybe it’s for good reason? I have been noticing how everything that has been going on within my life — outside of the inevitable wages of sin that tend to show up everyday; the fallen world we live in — points me directly to the love of God. I’ll do my best to explain. Everything — from … Continue reading It’s All Love
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Welcome! This infinitesimal corner of the web is a place where my fairy tales, poems, and images collect and remind me of where I've been. Enjoy and feel free to comment on your parallel existence! Peter Ellis
tips , tricks , advice's
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"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7
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Never feel alone on your journey with mental health.
A Christian's Journey through Social Anxiety
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To justify the ways of schizophrenia to man
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fan into flame the gift of faith
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