Change

Before light, my mother would wake me on school days. After the alarm wouldn’t manage to budge me from my coma, due to the evening of drugs and alcohol the night before, her persistent voice would fill my room. I recall the usual routine of sitting at the sofa with the candy dish that I used as an ashtray, while flicking my ashes from the … Continue reading Change

Rise Again

A collection of thoughts make their way through this tired mind as waking takes its time. Which one to choose; which one to take along for the day ahead? Should it be of the media’s choice? My shortcomings? The gorgeous weather? Ah, to choose–freeing, or binding.   Fog from the inadequate in our lives blinds sight of peace. Focus on the problem, not a solution, … Continue reading Rise Again

Polychrome

Created are the atrocities Inventions of the mind Beyond our control Within check at times Practices can manage Chemicals may heed Chemistry is a riddle Understanding is the need Past will perform Vivid stage play in memory Present screen play in monochrome Flushed by what used to be Instability is the writing on their paper See how it will go… Take two, then come back … Continue reading Polychrome

Rise Above

It’s been a relief as I have recently been able to let a toxic person go. Today marks the triumphant first day of letting someone go–a someone whom became an obvious fake over the course of a few months. A man I’ve been conversing with here at the Press had (and I say had with a sigh of relief) been watching my blog from a … Continue reading Rise Above

Square Peg–Round Hole (Part 2 of 2)

When I say, “heart,” I suppose I mean the inner being of myself. The soul–the thing that is driving this flabby, muscly, bony body. The magic that keeps me alive, if you will. Truly, the whole God thing really tugged at me, causing great mental and physical distress. The whole experience became an obsession. I had to figure this stuff out. The thing is, I … Continue reading Square Peg–Round Hole (Part 2 of 2)

God and Man (His War With Self)

Little brains bringing pains Giant pointer The moron blames Better than An upper hand Knock ’em down before they stand     The way I see me and me Your way is dumb You should agree   Human you are Under me by far Idiot Thoughts bizarre   So so blind The tales you find Thinking life is craft By design   Monkey man Think … Continue reading God and Man (His War With Self)

Where Darkness Lies

“I don’t understand the darkness” is a statement someone had made regarding my chosen style of writing. Throughout the past few years on WordPress, I have poured myself out through text. As a helpful tool I had used while evaluating my personal cognitive complexity, writing later evolved into a passion. I began to write of experiences, thoughts, my walk with God, as well as poems … Continue reading Where Darkness Lies

He Is, Always.

“He is risen!” The headline of the day is flooding our cyberspace, thoughts, gatherings (although limited during quarantine) and hearts. We, as Christ followers, are celebrating a day that is considered sacred within the eyes of so many. Each man and woman in His body has a certain way of looking at this day, and each heart is in it for their own individual reason. … Continue reading He Is, Always.

Fulcrum

There are times, like right now, when I begin to wonder how God could love me. The are ways in me that, if I can, He can see, that are sinful. Brothers will say, “You MUST change your way”, yet, I’m selfish. I sometimes believe that a devil can deceive, while a God has saved. Other times, I am lost… If He died on the … Continue reading Fulcrum

Our Rivers

The bleeding heart: never void of the coming and going. Taking in–thrusting forward. The life-blood faithfully jaunts, replenishing; renewing. A carrier of our drive; a river of nourishing fare. Vital. Not critical. Tolerant. Here we are: bias and unfair… Nothing like the blood that we all share; unlike the blood sent abroad by the bleeding heart. Continue reading Our Rivers

The Feed

Fear is waiting in the shadows, and it patiently watches you. It takes its seat a few chairs down. You go on without a clue. Closely, it observes your routine. It studies your schedule. It has an endless time to plan ahead, never losing its cool. It uses tools that you feed upon, like the devices you willingly watch. It uses the writings upon your … Continue reading The Feed

Rhetoricals

Why are some inhuman? Why do some toy with the emotions by tearing away at the most vulnerable parts of others? Why do the Christians use the wrath of Old to portray the New of Jesus, as if He is some sort of bipolar lunatic? Why do they hate, with love? Why do they fervently read His Word, while never understanding His Word? Do they … Continue reading Rhetoricals

He Was Sure

The reality of one man in a documentary I’ve recently finished really had me thinking deeply about the realities of many, including myself. Without going into lengthy detail, the man had spent a great amount of his adult life convincing himself of something that simply wasn’t true. He added lies to his story for his book and, later, documentary. He crafted manipulative, strategic bluffs and … Continue reading He Was Sure

The Son of Today

The innocence we portray, as though we are not guilty in any way, is the lie that we rise to greet each day, and it’s colorful demise is brightest on Sunday. Even as some gather between the mortar and brick the lie returns tomorrow, and there, they will pick to ignore all that was claimed in the pious clique under the steeple where deception made … Continue reading The Son of Today

Keeping My Love Unlimited

The biggest problem I have with my own faith is seeing and knowing absolutely great and loving people, and being forced to believe they are going to hell because they don’t necessarily believe what I do. It’s not limited to those outside of Christians, but within the confessing community. It bewilders me when I think about how the Lord blesses the world with so many … Continue reading Keeping My Love Unlimited

Dear Friend

Dig up the awful and dwell upon its bane. You then begin to wonder why you feel the same old pain. A new way of thinking… No, that won’t work for you. It involves a change of direction, and we know what pity does for you. It keeps you grounded in your purpose. Right where you want to be. Your turn your head before observing … Continue reading Dear Friend

What??

Writing about what is real is often accompanied by the ruffling of feathers. People seem to want validation, acknowledgement, agreements and a “like”: the newer form of appreciation we find. The great thing called social media — impersonal and unclear, many times — is the hip way of the world. We don’t have to sit with anyone and converse… Just give it a like!! Anyway, … Continue reading What??

Patient Being

As soon as the blessings come, the evil begins. That devil and his kind delight in your sins. After the prayer, at the heels of your feet, the darkness takes its deluding seat. Do you follow God, or, are you deceived, by the glorious light the devil retrieved? A persnickety one — that angel of light; the one you battle often, often losing the fight. … Continue reading Patient Being

Greater Is He?

What is the good Christian? I legitimately ask. Is it the one who goes to church? The one who completes a fast? Maybe it is the devout on their knees, with Holy Rosary beads. Or, the one that flogs themseves because the guilt inside impedes. Is it the guy in the same pew each week? The gal translating in Greek? Perhaps it’s the finely dressed … Continue reading Greater Is He?

We, As Shepherds, Are Sometimes Bias

The following is a writing from Alyson Kieda, via Our Daily Bread website Today’s Scripture & Insight: Matthew 9:27-38 When Jeff was a new believer in Jesus and fresh out of college, he worked for a major oil company. In his role as a salesman, he traveled; and in his travels he heard people’s stories—many of them heartbreaking. He realized that what his customers most … Continue reading We, As Shepherds, Are Sometimes Bias

“Truthfully…”

So many translations — so many differences! As I was going over a few personal observations in the way others interpret the Bible here on WordPress, it hit me pretty hard: People want to lead and teach using the specific translation that suits them. They want to argue a point, or verse, based on their personal translation of choice. It’s so true. If one person … Continue reading “Truthfully…”

Gone Fishing

I figured I’d write how I honestly feel, as writing has become how I personally deal. Inevitable sins in which I commit, accompanied by sadness and true feelings of s?@t. Throw in mental problems that I’ve battled so long and receive the pure dread of hell when I’m gone. Church screwed up my head and pride of the men who claimed they were “called” brought … Continue reading Gone Fishing

I Can’t Be Real, It Seems

For over a year and a half, I have been putting my thoughts, feelings, photography, videos, many experiences, insight and the things I have learned along my personal road into a blog. It’s pretty cool having a place where I can do so. The whole intention of this is for others to see themselves (in whatever way that is) through what I share here. As … Continue reading I Can’t Be Real, It Seems

Speak To Me

We are judged for the ignorance that only God knows Those things we struggle with; the incriminating woes. We expect sympathy and for others to understand, but most only criticize with judging hand. We face the known demon and whip our own back because of the guilt we idolize what we lack. Facing the God of forgiveness through Christ we still want forgiveness so offer … Continue reading Speak To Me

The Gift Of The Unknown

As I wake this morning, I sit and wonder why I exist. Is there a bigger plan that I am somehow a very small part of? I believe so. I believe we all are. Somehow, we are an intricate part of a divine whole. I do mine, you do yours, and somehow, the end result has purpose. Just my thoughts. But, is this great working … Continue reading The Gift Of The Unknown

I Sometimes Wonder…

What makes us who we are?   Is it the outward appearance? Is it the display for the rest — varying in ways that are specifically crafted for each one we meet? Is it the talk and the walk — the good show we can knock out of the park? Is it the experience? The knocks? The comforts of love found within the moments of … Continue reading I Sometimes Wonder…

Never Figured

All day is the wonder of God and His way. Some long for direction in each changing day. They search for the answer in a version they like. They called it inerrant, although words not alike. They claim word of today same as written before. They say the hundreds of divisions all lead to The Door. They all lead to The Vine (whose death finalized) … Continue reading Never Figured

Now, Class…

Why do we try to figure God out? The question had crossed my mind this morning as I was resting in my Saturday recliner. There has been a few conversations and articles I have read that have raised the question, and I have been thinking deeply about what drives the mind to “understand” the true nature of God. So, what is it? Is it the … Continue reading Now, Class…

I Don’t Know?

If it weren’t for the faith I have in Christ removing all sin — past, present and future — I’d give up. Yes, you heard that correctly. I’ve had several days off of work, and it was supposed to be an extended weekend — to myself, mainly — full of rest and relaxation. For the most part, it has been. I’ve done things that I … Continue reading I Don’t Know?

Where Are You?

You look towards the heavens for an answer… Nothing. You pray for the healing miracle… Nothing. You ask for forgiveness for being a liar, and patiently wait for those to forgive you… Nothing. You ask God for a sign, just a little something to show that He is there… Nothing. You lose your faith because of the nothings. You looked towards the heavens and expected … Continue reading Where Are You?

The Abuser

He beats the weakened man who cries to himself, when alone. He pushes him into the open where stones are thrown. He calls the man a failure, and reminds him of his shame. He reminds him of should haves and could haves, and those bad choices that fuel pain. This man is relentlessly pushing the man to fear and doubt, but the ridicule and slander … Continue reading The Abuser

Faithful To The Fire

You place yourself higher than others, by explaining it all. The man with the answers. How great thou art… without any flaw. It must be the best life to know you are best. To walk among the sheep, and to quickly attest that Christianity is ignorance and faith is a delusion. Should we abandon our God and assume your godly conclusion? Please explain this life, … Continue reading Faithful To The Fire

A Wise Man Once Said…

The wisest of men have no time to look at themselves, to see what they’d find. They are the best at all that they do. Much better than the simpletons, like me and you. Talk over us, they will. Our words are just noise. We are not worthy of these great despots of poise. Lean into their wisdom– you may miss what they say as … Continue reading A Wise Man Once Said…

Alone with Him

You see my Spirit, my Lord. You see what you have placed within me the moment I opened my heart to you. In this imperfect man, your perfection lies. I tell the world that my faith in you sometimes wavers, and yet, your mercy remains… and the mercy of others doesn’t… and I’m frowned upon by these, “holy people”. They divide your people. They put … Continue reading Alone with Him

All That Is

What are we to be, as we float around in the vastness–held down to this ground that we have learned to walk upon? Who am I in God’s plan? Why do humans have such an unstable balance? Why do so many love themselves before they love the desires of God? Why, in the unfathomably little amount of space that we truly take up within this … Continue reading All That Is

Coddling

Hold onto that thing that you think that you must have Be passionate about the grip on the things that you will grab Hold tightly to the wreckage and the tricks of the mind Don’t look for the ways out or solutions you may find Get comfortable in your madness Stay there in your excuse Be the one in the shelter of self-pity and abuse … Continue reading Coddling

Fragility

The mind can destroy a man as it sits idle The voice it produces begins as a whisper gaining speed– now, as loud as the tornado tearing through the moment ripping through the shelter: the one the mind believed could withstand it all…   Fill it with noise.   Stimulate it with these things you find: Temporary whispers Fleeting tornadoes Welcomed torments Say goodbye to … Continue reading Fragility

When Will You Manage?

Management is a great and necessary thing. I work for a fairly small company, and within that company, there are individuals who hold managerial positions. They have certain tasks to perform, people to supervise and decisions to make. They are the overseers of the people that hold positions in certain departments. These individuals have been appointed because they have been considered as qualified for the … Continue reading When Will You Manage?

Progress In Motion

Sitting silent in the shadow comfortable in the disease Panicked in the peacefulness no real reason for unease Pass a day within a confine ‘better off’ you calmly say No real reason to have faith in you after failing in your way If change means looking further from the complacent view you hold then taking small steps forward may only limit what could unfold Your … Continue reading Progress In Motion

Mental Suicide

Those thoughts which bring us down; the things that we tend to dwell on that leave us in a state of devastation. These types of thoughts are so incredibly familiar to me. Throughout my life, I’ve had so much negative influence, so many different pulls and pushes that have left me curled up into a ball, balling like a baby, a ton of self-induced affliction … Continue reading Mental Suicide

Digging Our Own Hole

The habit of dwelling on the negatives was a daily necessity; an absolute need. For the great majority of my life, I had to remain focused on the limitations. If any sort of possibility presented itself, I would quickly shoot it down. I sit this morning and remember a time in my personal life when my self-esteem had me in the clinches of shame. The … Continue reading Digging Our Own Hole

One Way Out

Sometimes, the way I approach difficult tasks, especially those which demand a change in my thinking, leaves me in a state of uneasiness. There has been many challenges in the ways I have been developing. Patience. Kindness. Grace. Love. Gentleness. All of these things, as well as many others, seem to be getting easier as time passes. Although, the challenges have had their share of … Continue reading One Way Out

What The Morning Holds

I remember a time when the light of day was a burden. A completely dreadful time. It was the beginning of another day of worries, anxieties, worthlessness and hopelessness. Each time I would rise in the morning began a course that ushered in the nightmarish realities of my existence. I had to take action. Their is a quote from a fictional character in a movie, … Continue reading What The Morning Holds

So Ashamed Of Religious Righteousness

I had read an article earlier about someone who divides his relationships between “the rest of the world” and his brothers and sisters in Christ. Frankly, it made me shake my head as the bad taste in my mouth arose. Another Christian, dividing. Before someone comes to my post and dissects its content with Scripture, as I assume many will be thinking about how believers … Continue reading So Ashamed Of Religious Righteousness

Staring Into Existence

What are these things that we call, “space and time”? We never truly understand it, no matter what theory comes along. No matter how proud we become of the hypothesis. What is this space that we live in? We divide it up, the infinite, into little compartments. Walls. Fences. Divisions. We claim and fill our spaces, within, outside, with the collections, trying hard to satisfy … Continue reading Staring Into Existence