Each day is a new opportunity to quit with the disapproval of myself. I think back to those days when I was the butt of the joke. I had a group of friends who would make me the center of laughs. I allowed it. When we as young teens would get together, smoke pot and drink, the giggles came naturally. We were always high. Everyone … Continue reading Rebuke
Before light, my mother would wake me on school days. After the alarm wouldn’t manage to budge me from my coma, due to the evening of drugs and alcohol the night before, her persistent voice would fill my room. I recall the usual routine of sitting at the sofa with the candy dish that I used as an ashtray, while flicking my ashes from the … Continue reading Change
If the day is mine, then no, I won’t go. For the rain is enough for me to stay inside. It’s not that I don’t enjoy your company, but I have a need for my nothings. If the time is not right, why not put it off for another day? If the day never comes, it wasn’t meant to be. Is this a no-no in … Continue reading Nah.
I don’t read what most have to say. Yesterday was a beautiful morning. There is a certain long stretch of road surrounded by the landscape of trees that I especially enjoy in the early morning, as the sun’s rays display nicely there. I have been taking the road for the last few months on my commute to work. It’s a peaceful beginning to the inevitable … Continue reading The Calamities In You
How sweet of them, to leave such valuable donations. Soiled, pizzle-stained mattress; sofa in part Vomit for the next baby to securely be seated in. How wonderful! A pillow with louse! The hearts of the generous–giving their trash for a good cause, and leaving the next heart broken. Continue reading Outside Of The Box Is Love
Fear of love some religious possess They miss the message of love Thy self they detest Scold and coddle blame Internal hoards Past choices which cannot be changed Dear fear Lord of Lords Continue reading Chastise Me, Dear Self
I sometimes wonder what lies beyond our space and time. A full day of working in the yard–one of my favorite pastimes–drained the life from me. Saturdays are usually a day for unwinding from the labors of the week, but yesterday was a time for landscaping our newly fenced-in backyard. I laid a new concrete patio with new walks to the revamped fire pit area … Continue reading Breathe
Rulers and kings of their own whom own nothing waste the days believing the world is to be consumed and taken before the next can take A price attached one only they can afford A bed prepared for the whore of Babylon made fast with fine silks of their own delusion Holy men with powdered wig ordained and tainted drenched in their hypocrisies … Continue reading Liege
I ran across this song in February of 2019. It was just a few days after my father had passed. The song had so much emotion, as I also had, that was expressed through Thom’s unbelievably unique talent. My father was a mystery to me, but what little I did get to experience while knowing him was a mix of how this song makes me … Continue reading So Little Known
Your needs–are they becoming? Is anything outside of your desire to be right a need, you self-righteous pig?! The man in the mirror, mirroring the scar. Those things of yesterday–of hours, no longer relevant–still destroying you and everything/everyone around you. Becoming. Scapegoat! Filthy animal! You should have killed them while you had the chance! You could be living with the guilt… Oh wait, … Continue reading While Things Come And Go
In my world, a calm approach is sometimes the wrong approach. I was thankful Wednesday for the humbling sting of events prior to my car breaking down. It sometimes seems like when it rains it pours, as the saying goes. Several setbacks were a subtle setup for Wednesday morning’s much needed walk in the fresh air. Before heading into work, I took a stroll around … Continue reading In Unison
Out of all the things there are to focus on, people gladly choose the hell of the world. A man whom I have worked with for many years is really showing his true self lately. Every single workday I can hear his troubled voice, backed with his boisterous theories, spreading the negative to others. Twenty, thirty, or possibly even more minutes are spent on his … Continue reading Harassments
Writing is a great outlet for my true identity. It took me a very, very long time to reach this current place of contentment, and I thank the ways of the past for getting me here–the nasty, destructive, dark and disastrous. Without the overcast, I never would have been able to find the glorious light outside of its thievery. Since writing and displaying my transparencies, … Continue reading Into The Day, And Night
God, why are your people so righteous? They believe in righteousness, but fail in its definition. Tit-for-tat — is this your wicked plan? A lot of talk, little show. Lord, don’t be upset if I find it repulsive to be as your people are: Perfect… Yet, The pursuit to find your perfection in them, lingers. I thank you for you and for what you are! … Continue reading Thinking Aloud—Too Proud
Checking the weather forecast is certainly something I take for granted. To see beautiful, sunny days with given percentage chances, on the news or an app, is a marvelous thing! When I see little symbols that show a sun, or a sun with a few clouds surrounding it, my life changes!! Just being lighthearted. In all seriousness, I truly do love a sunny day in … Continue reading The Value Of Sunny Days
An old writing of mine, revisited. Collected Fragments Of My Time– August, 2018 The memories of my grandfather and his work shed. There was an addition off to the side of a one car garage that was made into his work area. The small space was a place where he frequently spent his time. As a young boy, I would venture out to watch … Continue reading Revisiting
People bumping off of people never real time for themselves Thoughts consumed with what the other thinks defined by someone else Competition in their nature a little more than the rest A thought to decide for themselves shot down by the next They go on believing they’ve won the race to find another mile around the bend Running ahead of the next to … Continue reading Volatility
There used to be a few people in my life that would do everything within their power to bring others around them down. Unbeknownst, these individuals had a poor grip on their own reality. With every miserable breath they took, the misery was exhaled. It was so sad to watch. What was even worse was the willingness I had to allow their sadness to rub … Continue reading Monday
Created are the atrocities Inventions of the mind Beyond our control Within check at times Practices can manage Chemicals may heed Chemistry is a riddle Understanding is the need Past will perform Vivid stage play in memory Present screen play in monochrome Flushed by what used to be Instability is the writing on their paper See how it will go… Take two, then come back … Continue reading Polychrome
How truly hard it is to genuinely be a kind man. I work with a mix of personalities, mostly men. Being a full-time worker, I end up spending more time with them than I do my own family. It is sometimes very hard to not focus upon errors that occur. Our jobs are intricate, and they are expected to be conducted in a harmonious manor … Continue reading The Clenching
Why do most church going people tend to stick their noses in the air? It’s a serious question. I cannot seem to wrap my head around this pattern that is consistently laid out before me. They look down upon the rest of the world–both people like myself, as well as those who choose not to have the same beliefs. Is this really how Jesus–the man … Continue reading Christian Love?
One with the elements, we are the same. A part of a whole. Everything we see and touch… Yes, we are the same. Same elements–different combinations… In you and I–the same building blocks of life and object… Walking along, I realized that we are one with all things… Shorting ourselves with insecurities, forgetting that we are part of that whole. Locked in with limitation. One … Continue reading Walking Along…
The body cannot keep up with the mind. Heart races when anxiety thinks it is time. Topics of old peel scabs that took years to find. We count facial lines. Time took away the agility we took for granted. The youth and avant-garde–once graciously handed. Aged like the wine, yesterday, now demanded. Discomforts–mine, yours–leave us enchanted. Shouldn’t we dwell upon such things as … Continue reading Returning
Looking at all that had been, he stared into the shadows of years gone awry. Like the meeting of silhouette on sunlit grass, his life swayed with unpredictable certainty. His lingering sorrows of a love lost, blown somewhere into the abyss of airy blue, above the shades of regret he knew. The cool of downing light–a temporary peace. The man was only human– as fragile … Continue reading When We Are There
A man sat on the floor with his head in his hands trying to avoid the one who wouldn’t be still His paranoia was getting the best of him as the other danced before receiving his pill The mental ward was next to silent that morning but the voices in his head were screaming He just wanted those people to leave him alone Auditory hallucinations … Continue reading Forgotten
I’ve been practicing an old habit in recent weeks. Habits. They form. After trying something initially, and unknown desire drives our diversely-structured brains to feed upon it. To continue. Some of them are beneficial, while others are not so good. In my particular case, a habit that I once held closely with a firm grip, slowly reared its destructive head within the last few weeks. … Continue reading Fell Off The Wagon…Again
It’s been a relief as I have recently been able to let a toxic person go. Today marks the triumphant first day of letting someone go–a someone whom became an obvious fake over the course of a few months. A man I’ve been conversing with here at the Press had (and I say had with a sigh of relief) been watching my blog from a … Continue reading Rise Above
When I say, “heart,” I suppose I mean the inner being of myself. The soul–the thing that is driving this flabby, muscly, bony body. The magic that keeps me alive, if you will. Truly, the whole God thing really tugged at me, causing great mental and physical distress. The whole experience became an obsession. I had to figure this stuff out. The thing is, I … Continue reading Square Peg–Round Hole (Part 2 of 2)
Before the world of a young child is illuminated by its own imagination, wonder, and all of the other blessings the new brings, the child usually has the opportunity to learn some basic fundamentals. Whether it be from a parent or guardian, most children will learn to crawl before walking under a watchful eye. As a little tyke begins to take interest, the mind unfolds … Continue reading Square Peg–Round Hole (Part 1 of 2)
The world has its way of kicking us when we’re down. The little things that eat at us are amplified by the hurt within others. Narcissistic screwballs–the oblivious and conniving –look at all with their rose-colored glasses, correcting the foolish. All of mankind is broken. Yet, the ones who know what’s best for everyone else are too stupid to realize. The most ignorant are sometimes … Continue reading Feed Us
Little brains bringing pains Giant pointer The moron blames Better than An upper hand Knock ’em down before they stand The way I see me and me Your way is dumb You should agree Human you are Under me by far Idiot Thoughts bizarre So so blind The tales you find Thinking life is craft By design Monkey man Think … Continue reading God and Man (His War With Self)
How other people view us, really, isn’t relevant. It seems as though the last several years have brought a focus that wasn’t as prominent as it had been in years past. Popularity of social media, the lax commutations we have adapted, such as texting, tweeting and so on (anything one can identify as means), has really changed society in negative ways. With it all, a … Continue reading Observing
Gathering the nourishment– picking from poisoned bush– we place our selection in the basket of reason. The berry appears so tempting, so ripe, with sweetness to indulge. Juice like wine. Pallet of splendor. The taste of a dream we’d rather not wake from. We knew we were poisoned from the beginning– yet, we ate. We didn’t care. We boldly placed our selection in the woven … Continue reading Humanity Harvest
The trees– greater than ourselves. Towering above us all, concerned with no one else. They take what they like– the sun and the moon. Hiding beauty of the heavens. Reaching deep into their room. Greedy is their nature. Robbing lesser one. Laughing at the weaker. Having all the fun. The bird of grace and diligence took away the pride of the thundering tower … Continue reading Beneath
“I don’t understand the darkness” is a statement someone had made regarding my chosen style of writing. Throughout the past few years on WordPress, I have poured myself out through text. As a helpful tool I had used while evaluating my personal cognitive complexity, writing later evolved into a passion. I began to write of experiences, thoughts, my walk with God, as well as poems … Continue reading Where Darkness Lies
Spring is providing everything it had promised in all years before. Renewal. Birth. Intrigue. It is painting our world with the never before. Insect and chasing mammal–reminders of their hiding. Cotton-like cloud, passing before azure sea. Whisper of warm, cry of brisk. Rain and hoary low. Peeking of yellow, smiling with green–reaching higher places than their own. Nesting of flyers within towering brawn. Pastels adorn … Continue reading Anew
Willingness to adhere to one’s own “norm” can sometimes lead to big trouble. I must say, the last few years have been a challenge within my personal life. In many aspects, I have learned to change. These aren’t subtle changes, as they had been a huge part of who I was as a person. As I share, keep in mind that these specific changes have … Continue reading Ethic
The watcher perched in thicket Low vantage point Hidden from its world Keen eye Patient Studious Contemplating Moving in for strike Never unsure Closer than shadows the watcher makes the move Attack!! The watched keen in its guile turned to greet the patient the studious the contemplative Vantage point detected in advance far before the watcher watched … Continue reading Known
Within the flesh the inadequacies lie Fading and falling before we die Clinging to wisdom we see ourselves stable In blinding of night we see we’re not able When taking what we are and expecting much more We fade like we had in all times before We hit our graves early as we rob in our greed never ceasing to know just what we need Continue reading Not Secure
The warmth comforted his vexation. He stood within the stall until the water ran cold. The day was a waste. He decided to move out to the back patio with the hope of grooming his anxieties with nature and fresh air. Mindfulness was a coping mechanism he’d learned about many years earlier. Stepping outside, inhaling simplicity–the smell of flowers nearby. The sounds from the birds … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 19)
“Michael, do yo..” “NOT, NOW, MOM!” She pulled her head back away from the stairwell and stomped through the kitchen. He could hear her murmur coming from different ends of the house as she moved about. “Love you!” He then heard the door slam. As he listened to the car speeding away, he let out a long sigh. Nothing was real. He couldn’t come back … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 18)
What does it do for you, to think on such things– the squander and morose. All the haste that it brings. Nothing is achieved, except the misery you teach. Mundane and jaded. My, the woes you do preach. Does it pay in the end to lose all you’ve gained? That beautiful laughter? The grip you maintained? A challenge has come, and you fold, with a … Continue reading Wasteful Thinking
He compared. He compared the feelings he had towards his father to the ones he was now embracing. He lied in his sorrows with his young father in mind–the hell he lived. The magnitude of the devastation. Apprehensive, he rose. Mike had a seat on the end of the sofa. He was crazed. The dreams, the messengers, the messages–all of it was too much. He … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 17)
The angel began to speak into Mike. He could hear the being, without words. Without a necessity to understand. It was showing Mike the small frames of his father’s life. The past; a young boy in an environment of desecration. The vision of his father being beaten and molested by a woman he called his mom. While her husband was away fighting a war, he … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 16)
Michael, maybe ten, was in the street playing with a childhood friend. Anna was the blond with the sky blue eyes. He remembered well. They were the eyes that saw what his father would do to him, when she found them one summer day inside the dugout. It never left Mike’s memory. The recurring dream of the event would come to him throughout his years. … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 15)
Like any seasoned drunk, he had to have a drink. Mike cracked open the bottle of Gin he’d been sitting on since June. His agitation, along with the familiar withdrawal, was relentlessly picking. Day turned to night, and the moon was rising above the treeline on the edge on the field behind the house. He poured the drinks quickly, and often. Mike ordered the pizza … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 14)
He was watching the darkness turn to light outside. He’d been sitting at the window in the kitchen for hours, desperately trying to make sense of it all. Mr. McBride was gone. The beautiful visions of unexplained phenomena, followed by the terror of his nightmare. He couldn’t do anything but stare. Moving about, he took himself to the basement. Not sure of what time it … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 13)
We hide away. Fear resides as we lock our doors. Views, only through the pane. So crisp from decreasing smog. No longer a selfish contribution, we’ve become. Stay away! Your neighbor is a threat! He’s polluted unlike the crisp and pristine, now, out there. Out where we used to indulge in our selfishness. When will we return? The outdoor needs our contribution! It needs our … Continue reading Inside
"The glory of this latter house shall be greater than of the former, says the LORD of hosts: and in this place will I give peace, says the LORD of hosts." (Hag 2:9)
on being here now
Say what you mean, not what you wish
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poetry
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Thoughts About Mental Illness From My Mind To Yours
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How to prevent & cure
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"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7
My reflections on the week past accompanied by music and memories
Never feel alone on your journey with mental health.
A Christian's Journey through Social Anxiety
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"The Lord Our Banner" (Exodus 17:15)
To justify the ways of schizophrenia to man
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fan into flame the gift of faith
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All goes onward and outward. . . .and nothing collapses, And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier. - Walt Whitman
We're all made of stardust and love
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by Brian Starie
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Just your average PhD student using the internet to enhance their CV
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Surrender to Him, Find Joy, Live Fully
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