In a recent visit to an old acquaintance’s website, I was again left with thoughts of inferiority and superiority swirling around within me. The religious blog, specifically that which is built around Christian Apologetics, is sometimes a place I visit just to see if the writer is still stroking his own ego. You see, the writer and I once had a go-around which ultimately led … Continue reading True Value
I find it puzzling to see just how many people are resistant to others helping them in ways that would benefit them. I’ve been doing some work for a family member. There was a time when I thought much like this person. Not being focused on anything other than the past or future was always how I identified myself. You could not tell me that … Continue reading No Help Wanted
The nook that I write at has been a place of many collective thoughts. Since we moved into our new home at the end of 2018, I set up shop here in our kitchen. The refurbished laptop purchased from eBay has been reliable throughout this writing journey. As I sit alone this morning and think about all of the words I’ve punched out on the … Continue reading Evading or Evolving?
There are small gaps in between these words and sentences, much like the spaces in between the thoughts behind them. When I began to write this morning, it occurred to me that my mind has been going through many changes throughout a somewhat short period of time. Several weeks has been an awakening of sorts. I’ve really noticed just how my little mind constantly speaks, … Continue reading In Between Spaces
Beginning the weekend with a relaxing Saturday morning feels much different than it had in many years prior. The weekends mark a two-day stretch that is of great value after five days of strenuous work. I have a demanding job, both physically and mentally. Sitting at the nook in our kitchen and knowing that the moment holds little more than the quiet hums of the … Continue reading A Different Shift
The beautiful birdsongs of morning A stillness in the light The comfort of a peaceful mind after a rest in night An easy Sunday ante meridiem Calm like lake of glass Space between present ponders No future or past Meditation and observation No judgment of events No worry of things to come No passion for what ego resents Too much on my plate come tomorrow … Continue reading Inner Stillness Of Its Song
We sat peacefully in the fragrance of freshly-mown grass… My mother and I are spending more time together since her split with the man that had his priorities. She and I are doing much better since we have learned to accept each other’s differences. I’ve been mowing her lawn once a week since the Spring has sprung. We sat on her back patio and enjoyed … Continue reading All That’s Left
Observance of my thoughts is the new norm, and many bloggers may soon get tired of me writing about it. Throughout the day today as I did my Sunday routine of riding the mountain bike in my former hometown, I noticed the old habit still clenching. I headed east this afternoon. The drive from home to the southwest side of the old city became very … Continue reading Cleanse
To free myself of the addiction of overthinking is in the works. I’ve spent some time going over the past few years of posts within this blog of mine in recent weeks. Writing about the experiences I had throughout time seemed to help me process the inner frustrations and insecurities. Being transparent, publicly, served as a therapy to help me identify those issues causing my … Continue reading The Greatest Addiction
A thought late last night entered my tired mind. It was about a person from my past. The thoughts sort of took over, as I dwelled upon what the person and I had gone through, and how the eventual end of our days together sort of hurt us both. This morning, I found myself still thinking about the person, but just a few minutes ago … Continue reading Mind Control
I heard the tune on Pandora this evening, and it had me thinking about recent weeks. When I was a kid, walking in nature was always one of my favorite things to do. My family, friends and I would often find ourselves in the wooded areas around our area. Camping, fishing, riding our bikes, just walking or sometimes sledding in the hilly trails during winter–we … Continue reading Brilliance
The UPS man and I had a conversation yesterday about the negative people of the world. There are two individuals of whom we are both acquainted with that absolutely will suck the life from you, if you allow it. He had made a comment to me at one point that I really had trouble accepting. He said that he enjoys talking to me, and that … Continue reading We Think
youtube.com/watch Continue reading I.D.
youtube.com/watch Continue reading Freeing From The Thoughts
youtube.com/watch Continue reading A Parable
I’m not sure why so many people these days are taking things to extremes, such as their religious beliefs, political views and opinions. I am not very happy with social media. It seems as though I only hold onto it for the sake of my family. It’s a nice way to stay connected to people who, unfortunately in most cases, have forgotten how to knock … Continue reading Social Distortion
I sometimes search for names of old acquaintances on the Internet, just to see what may pop up. Last night, I had thought of an old co-worker and his very unique humor. He always wore these ridiculous green pants to work. We were in our teens and working the restaurant in the 90’s. I found that he went on to earn his PhD, while I … Continue reading Sad Eyes
This quiet home on a Saturday morning is a marvelous thing. My wife was on her way home from her shift at the hospital while the kids were away at their grandparent’s place. I had just sat down to the first sip of coffee as I listened to the low hums of my surroundings. Birds were mostly silent as they hunkered in their hidings. It … Continue reading More Distractions
By Susan Hand Shetterly Henry David Thoreau’s great essay “Walking” was published in The Atlantic Monthly in 1862. He defined his manner of walking as sauntering. I used to walk, and that seemed fine to me. Now, under his guidance, I’m teaching myself to saunter. What’s the difference? When I walked, I concentrated on pace, on getting somewhere. I’d go over what I had to … Continue reading Saunter
The past few days have been comical. Although some of the content of my recent days has not been anything to laugh at, the unbelievable works of people involved in that content has me shaking my head. I have (very lightly) been following the political banter and I am amazed of just how ridiculous a fly on someone’s head has become. The, not even funny … Continue reading Bad News And Blunder
I watched the beautiful sun setting yesterday evening, and something occurred to me. It’s been a rough season for me personally. Outside of the pandemic and all of its trace consequences, I’ve had quite a bit of distress of my own. This virus crap is minimal within my worries. I believe death is not only inevitable but it is also something that we cannot focus … Continue reading The Rushed Descent
The real killer is not COVID-19, it is fear. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, fear is the driving force the world thrives upon. I cannot go anywhere or read anything without recognizing it. Usually, the fear turns into some other form of emotion, such as hate. I read a post from a woman last night on Facebook that had me boiling. She, … Continue reading We’re All Going To Die!
“The old has gone, the new is here!” Yes, that is from 2 Corinthians 5 in what is called the New International Version (NIV). I’ve been up and down the road of religious uneasiness for several years, and it was because of words like these that I had such a bad experience. The “old” me: the one that I had struggled to make even the … Continue reading Oh, How They Love The Self-Patronizing!
So much sadness fills the hearts of people. No time for the fruits of His Spirit. You know, love, joy, peace, and so on. The opposing is rather forceful, it seems. The demons we possess–both past, present, and anticipated future–contaminate the light, pulling us into those places that no longer exist… Just in our heads. The heart aligns with those places. The opposing is familiar. … Continue reading Now
I ran across this song in February of 2019. It was just a few days after my father had passed. The song had so much emotion, as I also had, that was expressed through Thom’s unbelievably unique talent. My father was a mystery to me, but what little I did get to experience while knowing him was a mix of how this song makes me … Continue reading So Little Known
Your needs–are they becoming? Is anything outside of your desire to be right a need, you self-righteous pig?! The man in the mirror, mirroring the scar. Those things of yesterday–of hours, no longer relevant–still destroying you and everything/everyone around you. Becoming. Scapegoat! Filthy animal! You should have killed them while you had the chance! You could be living with the guilt… Oh wait, … Continue reading While Things Come And Go
Created are the atrocities Inventions of the mind Beyond our control Within check at times Practices can manage Chemicals may heed Chemistry is a riddle Understanding is the need Past will perform Vivid stage play in memory Present screen play in monochrome Flushed by what used to be Instability is the writing on their paper See how it will go… Take two, then come back … Continue reading Polychrome
Like any seasoned drunk, he had to have a drink. Mike cracked open the bottle of Gin he’d been sitting on since June. His agitation, along with the familiar withdrawal, was relentlessly picking. Day turned to night, and the moon was rising above the treeline on the edge on the field behind the house. He poured the drinks quickly, and often. Mike ordered the pizza … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 14)
We hide away. Fear resides as we lock our doors. Views, only through the pane. So crisp from decreasing smog. No longer a selfish contribution, we’ve become. Stay away! Your neighbor is a threat! He’s polluted unlike the crisp and pristine, now, out there. Out where we used to indulge in our selfishness. When will we return? The outdoor needs our contribution! It needs our … Continue reading Inside
Please, add some depression to our depression! By all means, make the voice of the media your new obsession! Open your mouth as quickly as they! Turn off your own thoughts and listen to what they say! Think on their fearmongering words while running for cover! Suffer even more as the anxieties hover! Tell myself and others so we, too, are distraught! Destroy the peace … Continue reading NOOOO!!!!
Battling the “ups and downs” of this life of mine can sometimes be an all out war. When the mood disorder that I’ve always had trouble balancing rears its ugly head–pulling in every direction, with the corruption of its character having the upper hand, I sometimes become engulfed within a funk with no real reasoning behind it. I’ll then attempt to find “reasons” for the … Continue reading Trying To Forget
Spring is returning. The budding life — for a time, lying dormant — is rejoining the world. The sun creeps to its higher position, forcing the land to transitions. The voice of bashful life is practicing new song… And, for me, the dormancy remains. Why is it not as rejuvenating as the last spring? Is it the load that has been carried since the … Continue reading Wilted Woes
Everybody hurts. This I know. I’m hurting lately. This face does show. Not entertained. Temper is short. People are annoying. Emotions contort. Tired of religion. Fed up with the Church. I’m looking for Him. Worn out from the search. Routine is redundant. Weather does suck. Sunsets aren’t peaceful. Down on my luck. Real talk this morning. Don’t need your prayer. It helps to write. Don’t … Continue reading Inside Out
It’s not about the things in them you hate, it’s about the things in you that obliterate. You longed to fix everyone outside, as you took a look at yourself and lied. It’s much easier for you to blame, than to see what’s truly fueling hate’s flame. Everyone walked away after trying, but you just wouldn’t listen…. Now, you’re dying. You played with the fire … Continue reading Burned Alive
I suppose my willingness to remain strong comes from the constant fight to not fall victim to my circumstances again, and to not begin to see the world in the same ways that I used to. It was once all that I was–my circumstances. It was the only thing that I defined myself as. Failures: circumstances. Wins: circumstances. No power to get on with life: … Continue reading The Personal Real
Dig up the awful and dwell upon its bane. You then begin to wonder why you feel the same old pain. A new way of thinking… No, that won’t work for you. It involves a change of direction, and we know what pity does for you. It keeps you grounded in your purpose. Right where you want to be. Your turn your head before observing … Continue reading Dear Friend
At 3 a.m., I sit and truly wonder why I do some of the things that I do. After a long work week, and after only about four hours of sleep last night, I woke to begin enjoying the rest. Weekends are my time to reset, refuel and actually be okay with not staying busy. Being “okay” with the rest is something that took a … Continue reading Perfectly Imbalanced
Anxiety stricken Beating heart On the verge of falling apart Nerves are shot Sweats and shakes Clinching this disaster as the still ground quakes Try to breathe Close my eyes Nothing works and it’s no surprise Everyone wonders why I’m exhausted now They offer advice but they don’t know how Ease today Doc pushed the pill Come back next month for another bill Pill wouldn’t … Continue reading Descension
I figured she would start another argument today, instead, she demanded someone definitely should pay! She is miserable, you see, and she needs others to always know that somehow, someone else is the reason she is low. It’s a constant pattern within this woman who never fails to see! The blinded know-it-all, telling all how they should be. He’s a man of honor, at least, … Continue reading She And He Almighty
Unless you’ve lived the hurt, you may not know how it is to walk in the melancholy, in a world such as his. The pull of the persuasive; those things of degrees not seen by the onlooker who boldly agrees the inward matches the outward, as they peer at the skin of the withering man wrapped up in that sin. Mistaken, they are, as they … Continue reading The Derelict, They Say
“No words to express, no substance to digest, no opinion to contest, no view from you to ingest… I sit dormant in the morn. Not a single thing to say about this season or this day, not even a suggestion coming from your way is regarded as okay… I’d rather sit and sulk in scorn. Pity myself, I will. It’s become such a … Continue reading Thoughts Of His Own Making
What makes us who we are? Is it the outward appearance? Is it the display for the rest — varying in ways that are specifically crafted for each one we meet? Is it the talk and the walk — the good show we can knock out of the park? Is it the experience? The knocks? The comforts of love found within the moments of … Continue reading I Sometimes Wonder…
I was right on time yesterday for the lunch date I had with her. As I walked in the door at the local dive we had agreed to, I glanced over the room to find her. At the corner of the room, she was sitting in a booth, positioned to where she would easily be able to see me come in. As I noticed her, … Continue reading A Table For Two
Your said that to yourself yesterday, did you not? That truth that is, again, the lie? You’d promised yourself, and God, that you would not break, but your chance to prove it passed by. You said to yourself it would all end. Repentance is what you labeled your aim. But look at you — back it the same boat. The same sinful act and shame. … Continue reading The Foundering
Is it too much to ask when I say to you today to leave me for a while so I can see another way? Is it too much to handle when you see that I sit still not saying anything after the normally humorous thrill? Is it too much to see that my emotion is the place where I am currently residing sorting … Continue reading Gather
He beats the weakened man who cries to himself, when alone. He pushes him into the open where stones are thrown. He calls the man a failure, and reminds him of his shame. He reminds him of should haves and could haves, and those bad choices that fuel pain. This man is relentlessly pushing the man to fear and doubt, but the ridicule and slander … Continue reading The Abuser
What is it that you find when you observe what you have today? Are the things that you’ve created in the past the pillars of the answer you will convey? Do you hold onto the past mistakes that hinder what you could be? Are those pillars of self-worth and confidence crumbling slowly into the sea? Are the pillars made of discontent that you’ve … Continue reading Falling Away
You place yourself higher than others, by explaining it all. The man with the answers. How great thou art… without any flaw. It must be the best life to know you are best. To walk among the sheep, and to quickly attest that Christianity is ignorance and faith is a delusion. Should we abandon our God and assume your godly conclusion? Please explain this life, … Continue reading Faithful To The Fire
By Olivia Fulwood
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