Bad News And Blunder

The past few days have been comical. Although some of the content of my recent days has not been anything to laugh at, the unbelievable works of people involved in that content has me shaking my head. I have (very lightly) been following the political banter and I am amazed of just how ridiculous a fly on someone’s head has become. The, not even funny … Continue reading Bad News And Blunder

The Rushed Descent

I watched the beautiful sun setting yesterday evening, and something occurred to me. It’s been a rough season for me personally. Outside of the pandemic and all of its trace consequences, I’ve had quite a bit of distress of my own. This virus crap is minimal within my worries. I believe death is not only inevitable but it is also something that we cannot focus … Continue reading The Rushed Descent

We’re All Going To Die!

The real killer is not COVID-19, it is fear. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, fear is the driving force the world thrives upon. I cannot go anywhere or read anything without recognizing it. Usually, the fear turns into some other form of emotion, such as hate. I read a post from a woman last night on Facebook that had me boiling. She, … Continue reading We’re All Going To Die!

Oh, How They Love The Self-Patronizing!

“The old has gone, the new is here!” Yes, that is from 2 Corinthians 5 in what is called the New International Version (NIV). I’ve been up and down the road of religious uneasiness for several years, and it was because of words like these that I had such a bad experience. The “old” me: the one that I had struggled to make even the … Continue reading Oh, How They Love The Self-Patronizing!

Now

So much sadness fills the hearts of people. No time for the fruits of His Spirit. You know, love, joy, peace, and so on. The opposing is rather forceful, it seems. The demons we possess–both past, present, and anticipated future–contaminate the light, pulling us into those places that no longer exist… Just in our heads. The heart aligns with those places. The opposing is familiar. … Continue reading Now

So Little Known

I ran across this song in February of 2019. It was just a few days after my father had passed. The song had so much emotion, as I also had, that was expressed through Thom’s unbelievably unique talent. My father was a mystery to me, but what little I did get to experience while knowing him was a mix of how this song makes me … Continue reading So Little Known

While Things Come And Go

Your needs–are they becoming? Is anything outside of your desire to be right a need, you self-righteous pig?! The man in the mirror, mirroring the scar. Those things of yesterday–of hours, no longer relevant–still destroying you and everything/everyone around you. Becoming.     Scapegoat! Filthy animal! You should have killed them while you had the chance! You could be living with the guilt… Oh wait, … Continue reading While Things Come And Go

Polychrome

Created are the atrocities Inventions of the mind Beyond our control Within check at times Practices can manage Chemicals may heed Chemistry is a riddle Understanding is the need Past will perform Vivid stage play in memory Present screen play in monochrome Flushed by what used to be Instability is the writing on their paper See how it will go… Take two, then come back … Continue reading Polychrome

The Voice He Hears (Part 14)

Like any seasoned drunk, he had to have a drink. Mike cracked open the bottle of Gin he’d been sitting on since June. His agitation, along with the familiar withdrawal, was relentlessly picking. Day turned to night, and the moon was rising above the treeline on the edge on the field behind the house. He poured the drinks quickly, and often. Mike ordered the pizza … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 14)

Inside

We hide away. Fear resides as we lock our doors. Views, only through the pane. So crisp from decreasing smog. No longer a selfish contribution, we’ve become. Stay away! Your neighbor is a threat! He’s polluted unlike the crisp and pristine, now, out there. Out where we used to indulge in our selfishness. When will we return? The outdoor needs our contribution! It needs our … Continue reading Inside

NOOOO!!!!

Please, add some depression to our depression! By all means, make the voice of the media your new obsession! Open your mouth as quickly as they! Turn off your own thoughts and listen to what they say! Think on their fearmongering words while running for cover! Suffer even more as the anxieties hover! Tell myself and others so we, too, are distraught! Destroy the peace … Continue reading NOOOO!!!!

Trying To Forget

Battling the “ups and downs” of this life of mine can sometimes be an all out war. When the mood disorder that I’ve always had trouble balancing rears its ugly head–pulling in every direction, with the corruption of its character having the upper hand, I sometimes become engulfed within a funk with no real reasoning behind it. I’ll then attempt to find “reasons” for the … Continue reading Trying To Forget

Wilted Woes

Spring is returning. The budding life — for a time, lying dormant — is rejoining the world. The sun creeps to its higher position, forcing the land to transitions. The voice of bashful life is practicing new song… And, for me, the dormancy remains.   Why is it not as rejuvenating as the last spring? Is it the load that has been carried since the … Continue reading Wilted Woes

Inside Out

Everybody hurts. This I know. I’m hurting lately. This face does show. Not entertained. Temper is short. People are annoying. Emotions contort. Tired of religion. Fed up with the Church. I’m looking for Him. Worn out from the search. Routine is redundant. Weather does suck. Sunsets aren’t peaceful. Down on my luck. Real talk this morning. Don’t need your prayer. It helps to write. Don’t … Continue reading Inside Out

Burned Alive

It’s not about the things in them you hate, it’s about the things in you that obliterate. You longed to fix everyone outside, as you took a look at yourself and lied. It’s much easier for you to blame, than to see what’s truly fueling hate’s flame. Everyone walked away after trying, but you just wouldn’t listen…. Now, you’re dying. You played with the fire … Continue reading Burned Alive

The Personal Real

I suppose my willingness to remain strong comes from the constant fight to not fall victim to my circumstances again, and to not begin to see the world in the same ways that I used to. It was once all that I was–my circumstances. It was the only thing that I defined myself as. Failures: circumstances. Wins: circumstances. No power to get on with life: … Continue reading The Personal Real

Dear Friend

Dig up the awful and dwell upon its bane. You then begin to wonder why you feel the same old pain. A new way of thinking… No, that won’t work for you. It involves a change of direction, and we know what pity does for you. It keeps you grounded in your purpose. Right where you want to be. Your turn your head before observing … Continue reading Dear Friend

Perfectly Imbalanced

At 3 a.m., I sit and truly wonder why I do some of the things that I do. After a long work week, and after only about four hours of sleep last night, I woke to begin enjoying the rest. Weekends are my time to reset, refuel and actually be okay with not staying busy. Being “okay” with the rest is something that took a … Continue reading Perfectly Imbalanced

Descension

Anxiety stricken Beating heart On the verge of falling apart Nerves are shot Sweats and shakes Clinching this disaster as the still ground quakes Try to breathe Close my eyes Nothing works and it’s no surprise Everyone wonders why I’m exhausted now They offer advice but they don’t know how Ease today Doc pushed the pill Come back next month for another bill Pill wouldn’t … Continue reading Descension

She And He Almighty

I figured she would start another argument today, instead, she demanded someone definitely should pay! She is miserable, you see, and she needs others to always know that somehow, someone else is the reason she is low. It’s a constant pattern within this woman who never fails to see! The blinded know-it-all, telling all how they should be. He’s a man of honor, at least, … Continue reading She And He Almighty

The Derelict, They Say

Unless you’ve lived the hurt, you may not know how it is to walk in the melancholy, in a world such as his. The pull of the persuasive; those things of degrees not seen by the onlooker who boldly agrees the inward matches the outward, as they peer at the skin of the withering man wrapped up in that sin. Mistaken, they are, as they … Continue reading The Derelict, They Say

Thoughts Of His Own Making

“No words to express, no substance to digest, no opinion to contest, no view from you to ingest… I sit dormant in the morn.   Not a single thing to say about this season or this day, not even a suggestion coming from your way is regarded as okay… I’d rather sit and sulk in scorn.    Pity myself, I will. It’s become such a … Continue reading Thoughts Of His Own Making

I Sometimes Wonder…

What makes us who we are?   Is it the outward appearance? Is it the display for the rest — varying in ways that are specifically crafted for each one we meet? Is it the talk and the walk — the good show we can knock out of the park? Is it the experience? The knocks? The comforts of love found within the moments of … Continue reading I Sometimes Wonder…

A Table For Two

I was right on time yesterday for the lunch date I had with her. As I walked in the door at the local dive we had agreed to, I glanced over the room to find her. At the corner of the room, she was sitting in a booth, positioned to where she would easily be able to see me come in. As I noticed her, … Continue reading A Table For Two

The Foundering

Your said that to yourself yesterday, did you not? That truth that is, again, the lie? You’d promised yourself, and God, that you would not break, but your chance to prove it passed by. You said to yourself it would all end. Repentance is what you labeled your aim. But look at you — back it the same boat. The same sinful act and shame. … Continue reading The Foundering

The Abuser

He beats the weakened man who cries to himself, when alone. He pushes him into the open where stones are thrown. He calls the man a failure, and reminds him of his shame. He reminds him of should haves and could haves, and those bad choices that fuel pain. This man is relentlessly pushing the man to fear and doubt, but the ridicule and slander … Continue reading The Abuser

Falling Away

What is it that you find when you observe what you have today? Are the things that you’ve created in the past the pillars of the answer you will convey?   Do you hold onto the past mistakes that hinder what you could be? Are those pillars of self-worth and confidence crumbling slowly into the sea?   Are the pillars made of discontent that you’ve … Continue reading Falling Away

Faithful To The Fire

You place yourself higher than others, by explaining it all. The man with the answers. How great thou art… without any flaw. It must be the best life to know you are best. To walk among the sheep, and to quickly attest that Christianity is ignorance and faith is a delusion. Should we abandon our God and assume your godly conclusion? Please explain this life, … Continue reading Faithful To The Fire

Nothing Left

The boy of the past who lived in a home where comforts were seldom and while left alone he’d cry for his mother who stayed out all night after her shift she’d head for the light of houses tucked away in the cities and towns to smoke up her poison and then run around a little bit longer to hit up the bars laughing and … Continue reading Nothing Left

He Sat Alone

I couldn’t drag the man away… from himself. From himself — long enough for him to take a look. To take a look… to peer into the man that others see. The arrogant, self-centered and proud man. The man surrounded by trophies and awards. The man of importance. He wouldn’t step aside. He wouldn’t come over to the table where my friend and I were … Continue reading He Sat Alone

Becoming

What a difference it makes to wake up with an attitude of gratitude. I had shared a caption on social media yesterday that reads, “Don’t wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.” As I’m waking up this morning, I am taking the time to remember the truth of these … Continue reading Becoming

Choose This Day…

The time is now to accept what is true but to not stay there if it is harming you Time is not promised and the days are only so long Take the time within this day to recognize what is wrong How to know what is right is evaluating what is real the things that are your true essence are not the emotions that you … Continue reading Choose This Day…

A Wise Man Once Said…

The wisest of men have no time to look at themselves, to see what they’d find. They are the best at all that they do. Much better than the simpletons, like me and you. Talk over us, they will. Our words are just noise. We are not worthy of these great despots of poise. Lean into their wisdom– you may miss what they say as … Continue reading A Wise Man Once Said…

The Weight

You fret in your worry over something you’d done. The choice you had made wins the race that you run. You hate yourself now. “I’m no longer worthy”, you claim. “Look at what I’ve caused…” Each day is the same. Time for the tasks, but you wallow in despair. Self-pity is the norm in the life you prepare. Children to raise, shopping to do, but … Continue reading The Weight

Love Me

She couldn’t love anymore– nothing would ever be the same. She died on that October morning– all of life consumed by shame. The man she called her hero had robbed her of her zeal. He closed the door behind them, and the villain was revealed. Time and time again, his hand would take a little more of the light that once shined brightly in those … Continue reading Love Me

Downtrodden

Some people remain bitter They cannot move past the pains The wounds drag the person down each day as the suffering remains Something to numb that discomfort Each day they find a way Maybe a needle full of poison Or a hateful word to say Perhaps a shaking fist at God for allowing such things to exist Such a powerful God should be able to … Continue reading Downtrodden

Coddling

Hold onto that thing that you think that you must have Be passionate about the grip on the things that you will grab Hold tightly to the wreckage and the tricks of the mind Don’t look for the ways out or solutions you may find Get comfortable in your madness Stay there in your excuse Be the one in the shelter of self-pity and abuse … Continue reading Coddling

Fragility

The mind can destroy a man as it sits idle The voice it produces begins as a whisper gaining speed– now, as loud as the tornado tearing through the moment ripping through the shelter: the one the mind believed could withstand it all…   Fill it with noise.   Stimulate it with these things you find: Temporary whispers Fleeting tornadoes Welcomed torments Say goodbye to … Continue reading Fragility

In The Face Of Fear

Why do some heal while others never learn? Why do some desire change while others ignore concern? Is it a lack of confidence or a comfort they enjoy? Do they happily welcome the sadness that will ultimately destroy? How long must one go on before change becomes a need? Is fear the underlying issue that takes a willing lead? Do they say, “Go ahead… I’m … Continue reading In The Face Of Fear

If I May?

May I interrupt your constant need to dwell upon the pain Yes, your misery loves the company please don’t tell me again   You enjoy the things of sorrow I know… you’ve said it loud and clear Tell me something else today something you don’t want to hear   I’ll open the door of the prison that is nothing but a space a place inside … Continue reading If I May?

Progress In Motion

Sitting silent in the shadow comfortable in the disease Panicked in the peacefulness no real reason for unease Pass a day within a confine ‘better off’ you calmly say No real reason to have faith in you after failing in your way If change means looking further from the complacent view you hold then taking small steps forward may only limit what could unfold Your … Continue reading Progress In Motion

Mental Suicide

Those thoughts which bring us down; the things that we tend to dwell on that leave us in a state of devastation. These types of thoughts are so incredibly familiar to me. Throughout my life, I’ve had so much negative influence, so many different pulls and pushes that have left me curled up into a ball, balling like a baby, a ton of self-induced affliction … Continue reading Mental Suicide

Today’s Youth Counts

The fingers were used to show this little, undeveloped mind of mine how to count. I remember, “One, two, three…” as someone would point to the fingers on my hand. Over time, I could count to one hundred, or two hundred, or three hundred! You can probably remember how excited you were being able to show the grown-ups how you had learned to count higher … Continue reading Today’s Youth Counts

Digging Our Own Hole

The habit of dwelling on the negatives was a daily necessity; an absolute need. For the great majority of my life, I had to remain focused on the limitations. If any sort of possibility presented itself, I would quickly shoot it down. I sit this morning and remember a time in my personal life when my self-esteem had me in the clinches of shame. The … Continue reading Digging Our Own Hole

The Thought Leads

As a man thinks, so is he. I heard this many years ago, far before learning of its context, and I am not, in any way, saying or using this to promote the power of attraction. I am not using this in the context as the Proverb does. It’s just a statement, relative to what I am writing this morning. There has been so many … Continue reading The Thought Leads

My Faith Made Me Crazy

There was much to repent of. A time, not long ago, which laid the truth of my life out before me, exposing the very real and very factual ways of who I was, had me on my knees and begging for forgiveness. It had me killing myself. Each morning, I would wake up to another day of inadequacies. Another day of feeling like I was … Continue reading My Faith Made Me Crazy

“Life just sucks” – My Journey

A previous writing of mine. Not that I feel that life sucks right now, but things sometimes change, making life a drag. The post is for the broken. It is for those who are at a point in their lives where affliction has taken control. Take heart: God is always with you! https://my-journey-online.com/2018/09/27/sometimes-life-just-sucks/ Continue reading “Life just sucks” – My Journey