A Table For Two

I was right on time yesterday for the lunch date I had with her. As I walked in the door at the local dive we had agreed to, I glanced over the room to find her. At the corner of the room, she was sitting in a booth, positioned to where she would easily be able to see me come in. As I noticed her, … Continue reading A Table For Two

The Foundering

Your said that to yourself yesterday, did you not? That truth that is, again, the lie? You’d promised yourself, and God, that you would not break, but your chance to prove it passed by. You said to yourself it would all end. Repentance is what you labeled your aim. But look at you — back it the same boat. The same sinful act and shame. … Continue reading The Foundering

The Abuser

He beats the weakened man who cries to himself, when alone. He pushes him into the open where stones are thrown. He calls the man a failure, and reminds him of his shame. He reminds him of should haves and could haves, and those bad choices that fuel pain. This man is relentlessly pushing the man to fear and doubt, but the ridicule and slander … Continue reading The Abuser

Falling Away

What is it that you find when you observe what you have today? Are the things that you’ve created in the past the pillars of the answer you will convey?   Do you hold onto the past mistakes that hinder what you could be? Are those pillars of self-worth and confidence crumbling slowly into the sea?   Are the pillars made of discontent that you’ve … Continue reading Falling Away

Faithful To The Fire

You place yourself higher than others, by explaining it all. The man with the answers. How great thou art… without any flaw. It must be the best life to know you are best. To walk among the sheep, and to quickly attest that Christianity is ignorance and faith is a delusion. Should we abandon our God and assume your godly conclusion? Please explain this life, … Continue reading Faithful To The Fire

Nothing Left

The boy of the past who lived in a home where comforts were seldom and while left alone he’d cry for his mother who stayed out all night after her shift she’d head for the light of houses tucked away in the cities and towns to smoke up her poison and then run around a little bit longer to hit up the bars laughing and … Continue reading Nothing Left

He Sat Alone

I couldn’t drag the man away… from himself. From himself — long enough for him to take a look. To take a look… to peer into the man that others see. The arrogant, self-centered and proud man. The man surrounded by trophies and awards. The man of importance. He wouldn’t step aside. He wouldn’t come over to the table where my friend and I were … Continue reading He Sat Alone

Becoming

What a difference it makes to wake up with an attitude of gratitude. I had shared a caption on social media yesterday that reads, “Don’t wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.” As I’m waking up this morning, I am taking the time to remember the truth of these … Continue reading Becoming

Choose This Day…

The time is now to accept what is true but to not stay there if it is harming you Time is not promised and the days are only so long Take the time within this day to recognize what is wrong How to know what is right is evaluating what is real the things that are your true essence are not the emotions that you … Continue reading Choose This Day…

A Wise Man Once Said…

The wisest of men have no time to look at themselves, to see what they’d find. They are the best at all that they do. Much better than the simpletons, like me and you. Talk over us, they will. Our words are just noise. We are not worthy of these great despots of poise. Lean into their wisdom– you may miss what they say as … Continue reading A Wise Man Once Said…

The Weight

You fret in your worry over something you’d done. The choice you had made wins the race that you run. You hate yourself now. “I’m no longer worthy”, you claim. “Look at what I’ve caused…” Each day is the same. Time for the tasks, but you wallow in despair. Self-pity is the norm in the life you prepare. Children to raise, shopping to do, but … Continue reading The Weight

Love Me

She couldn’t love anymore– nothing would ever be the same. She died on that October morning– all of life consumed by shame. The man she called her hero had robbed her of her zeal. He closed the door behind them, and the villain was revealed. Time and time again, his hand would take a little more of the light that once shined brightly in those … Continue reading Love Me

Downtrodden

Some people remain bitter They cannot move past the pains The wounds drag the person down each day as the suffering remains Something to numb that discomfort Each day they find a way Maybe a needle full of poison Or a hateful word to say Perhaps a shaking fist at God for allowing such things to exist Such a powerful God should be able to … Continue reading Downtrodden

Coddling

Hold onto that thing that you think that you must have Be passionate about the grip on the things that you will grab Hold tightly to the wreckage and the tricks of the mind Don’t look for the ways out or solutions you may find Get comfortable in your madness Stay there in your excuse Be the one in the shelter of self-pity and abuse … Continue reading Coddling

Fragility

The mind can destroy a man as it sits idle The voice it produces begins as a whisper gaining speed– now, as loud as the tornado tearing through the moment ripping through the shelter: the one the mind believed could withstand it all…   Fill it with noise.   Stimulate it with these things you find: Temporary whispers Fleeting tornadoes Welcomed torments Say goodbye to … Continue reading Fragility

In The Face Of Fear

Why do some heal while others never learn? Why do some desire change while others ignore concern? Is it a lack of confidence or a comfort they enjoy? Do they happily welcome the sadness that will ultimately destroy? How long must one go on before change becomes a need? Is fear the underlying issue that takes a willing lead? Do they say, “Go ahead… I’m … Continue reading In The Face Of Fear

If I May?

May I interrupt your constant need to dwell upon the pain Yes, your misery loves the company please don’t tell me again   You enjoy the things of sorrow I know… you’ve said it loud and clear Tell me something else today something you don’t want to hear   I’ll open the door of the prison that is nothing but a space a place inside … Continue reading If I May?

Progress In Motion

Sitting silent in the shadow comfortable in the disease Panicked in the peacefulness no real reason for unease Pass a day within a confine ‘better off’ you calmly say No real reason to have faith in you after failing in your way If change means looking further from the complacent view you hold then taking small steps forward may only limit what could unfold Your … Continue reading Progress In Motion

Mental Suicide

Those thoughts which bring us down; the things that we tend to dwell on that leave us in a state of devastation. These types of thoughts are so incredibly familiar to me. Throughout my life, I’ve had so much negative influence, so many different pulls and pushes that have left me curled up into a ball, balling like a baby, a ton of self-induced affliction … Continue reading Mental Suicide

Today’s Youth Counts

The fingers were used to show this little, undeveloped mind of mine how to count. I remember, “One, two, three…” as someone would point to the fingers on my hand. Over time, I could count to one hundred, or two hundred, or three hundred! You can probably remember how excited you were being able to show the grown-ups how you had learned to count higher … Continue reading Today’s Youth Counts

Digging Our Own Hole

The habit of dwelling on the negatives was a daily necessity; an absolute need. For the great majority of my life, I had to remain focused on the limitations. If any sort of possibility presented itself, I would quickly shoot it down. I sit this morning and remember a time in my personal life when my self-esteem had me in the clinches of shame. The … Continue reading Digging Our Own Hole

The Thought Leads

As a man thinks, so is he. I heard this many years ago, far before learning of its context, and I am not, in any way, saying or using this to promote the power of attraction. I am not using this in the context as the Proverb does. It’s just a statement, relative to what I am writing this morning. There has been so many … Continue reading The Thought Leads

My Faith Made Me Crazy

There was much to repent of. A time, not long ago, which laid the truth of my life out before me, exposing the very real and very factual ways of who I was, had me on my knees and begging for forgiveness. It had me killing myself. Each morning, I would wake up to another day of inadequacies. Another day of feeling like I was … Continue reading My Faith Made Me Crazy

“Life just sucks” – My Journey

A previous writing of mine. Not that I feel that life sucks right now, but things sometimes change, making life a drag. The post is for the broken. It is for those who are at a point in their lives where affliction has taken control. Take heart: God is always with you! https://my-journey-online.com/2018/09/27/sometimes-life-just-sucks/ Continue reading “Life just sucks” – My Journey

What The Morning Holds

I remember a time when the light of day was a burden. A completely dreadful time. It was the beginning of another day of worries, anxieties, worthlessness and hopelessness. Each time I would rise in the morning began a course that ushered in the nightmarish realities of my existence. I had to take action. Their is a quote from a fictional character in a movie, … Continue reading What The Morning Holds

What We Choose To See

The anticipation of spring; the long awaited event that is greatly appreciated after a cold winter. The blooming of the new, full of the bold colors of God’s choosing. My wife requested that we surround the house with flowers this year. We had moved into a different home a little over a year ago and the landscape was pretty bare. It needed a lot of … Continue reading What We Choose To See

A Refusal To Move

There are times when idleness within my life can become very destructive. It’s an ongoing battle I’ve dealt with for a great portion of my adult life. The following link is titled, Here Is Why Your Anxiety Is Getting Worse. I found it to be a great source of information, especially since I have an ongoing tendency to practice some of the patterns and bad … Continue reading A Refusal To Move

Sorry, My Bad

I had a really bad day yesterday. It was one of the worst days I’ve had in many weeks. I spent the day in my house doing a few things that I thought would bring me some kind of happiness, and for a few minutes during the tasks I suppose they did, but it was short-lived. I have been aching for many months over things … Continue reading Sorry, My Bad

My Struggle With Isolation (Part 2)

Link to My Struggle With Isolation (Part 1) Being locked away with one’s own thoughts has unlimited consequences. With little stimulation outside of the deficient thought patterns and things of focus, the mind goes in circles. Little is ever new. The habits become engrained and the decay begins, bringing about so many of those harmful, consequential results. Soon, the seclusion becomes a lifestyle. A life … Continue reading My Struggle With Isolation (Part 2)

My Struggle With Isolation (Part 1)

It is no surprise to me, being the introvert that I am, to find myself retreating. Pulling back is not only a true blessing, but can also be a very destructive practice. Retreating is something that I have done from a very early age, and I truly believe it has much to do with being an only child. It also has to do with the … Continue reading My Struggle With Isolation (Part 1)

As The Birds Sing…

Waking to see each new day in the current years has so much more value than it had in years before. The focus of the value of waking has been amplified because of the death that has been surrounding me lately. First, it was the huge fallout with my mother that left me with a ‘dead’ feeling, followed by the physical death of my father. … Continue reading As The Birds Sing…

A Force To Be Reckoned With

I had a friend many years ago who could walk into a room and quiet everyone with his domineering ways. The very presence of him: unbelievably large physique, dark complexion, dark clothing and the attitude comparable to that of a Viking, were very good reasons to move aside as he would enter. Everyone, and I mean everyone, felt intimidated within his company. I witnessed some … Continue reading A Force To Be Reckoned With

Grieving Sucks

Funerals have an unfortunate way of pulling families together. Many times the extended family attends the viewing, paying their respects and offering condolences. My late father’s death brought a few faces out of hiding. My dad’s cousin, which would be my second cousin, was a face I had not seen in over twenty years. He and I were once palling around on a fairly regular … Continue reading Grieving Sucks

Nothing In This World Lasts Forever

It is currently seventeen degrees Fahrenheit outside, and I suspect it feels much colder than that when the wind blows. I’m sitting in front of a little space heater providing comfort for my tired feet. My family is sleeping in our warm home. The hot coffee warms my body. The electric light is dim, yet it provides a nice ambiance for early morning. Somewhere outside, … Continue reading Nothing In This World Lasts Forever

When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 3)

The introduction to meth was not something that I really enjoyed, but it was the new habit. On top of the everyday pot and cigarette habit, I had to have a little corner of a sandwich baggie filled with chemicals. It was the necessary way to go about the day because not having it meant withdrawal and hard crashes. I would go for days at … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 3)

When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 2)

I had found something that made life more interesting. Every time I smoked, reality became a beautiful, enhanced, calmed, humorous and lovely experience. I needed more of that within my life. The building sadness was starting to consume me more and more as I was spending time within a quiet little trailer with my grieving mother. She was going through her own measures of trouble. … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 2)

When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 1)

High school was the beginning of an absolute nightmare. When I began attending a very large building packed full of young men and women with competitive drive and talent in the early 1990’s, I viewed myself as independent. A bit different from most of those around me. There were so many directions I could go. I was fortunate to attend such an esteemed school. I … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 1)

The Harboring

A young man walked into a bad situation one afternoon as he was confronted with an item found within the pocket of his pants. His grandmother was emptying the pockets before placing the pants in the washer. The item was used for something illegal. The young man’s grandfather waited until the boy had woken up from another night of partying before asking about the item. … Continue reading The Harboring

Forgotten Silences

There is a certain moment within many mornings throughout the week. I start my vehicle and sit for a few minutes under the large trees lining our street. I usually find some music to listen to and lay my collection of items in the passenger seat. That time is a routine I’ve had for many years. There is about a half-hour drive to my place … Continue reading Forgotten Silences

Don’t Give Up

The following is an excerpt from the Christian-based book: Overcoming Anxiety, Worry And Fear by Dr. Gregory L. Jantz and Ann Mc Murray. If you suffer from any of the three, or a combination of, I highly recommend the book. It is a book I have referenced, recommended and gifted for the past three years. It is a great aid in learning how to overcome … Continue reading Don’t Give Up

‘Now That I Am Beaten To A Pulp, …’

I can see why some would not want to be a Christian, and I totally understand what Gandhi meant when he said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” I believe Gandhi had a good point, and I am choosing to focus on it lately. Unfortunately, I tend to focus on the negative when I … Continue reading ‘Now That I Am Beaten To A Pulp, …’

Problems With No Solution

Do you ever feel as though the problem that you have is, ‘just the way it is?’ I used to have a strong desire to stay within my box. Like some kind of caged animal that would retreat when a threat would arise. If I wandered outside of my comfort zone, the challenge would be seen as an obstacle, and the way through it was … Continue reading Problems With No Solution

Yes, You Are Okay

You CAN be helped. The following is a writing from Denise Griswold. Lord knows the mind is vulnerable, but He has placed individuals here to help us understand it. You can change, and you can succeed. Through the strength of the Lord and a desire to get better, treatment has turned my life around. You too can live a better life! Believe! Have a blessed … Continue reading Yes, You Are Okay

It All Depends

A new day brings new life to each one of us. We have a new opportunity to develop, or bring another a bit of peace through our actions and deeds. We have an opportunity to find the good in the bad. In the world of some, a new day brings nothing but dread and dreary routine. Just another day of lifeless regret and despair. It … Continue reading It All Depends

Do You See What I See?

We have a lot to observe when we look at ourselves in the mirror. The physical appearance is the first thing we see, and we all have our ways of decorating the surface. We also have an inward appearance that we see. How do we ourselves inwardly? First impressions seem to be important to most. We all put on our attire, fix ourselves as we … Continue reading Do You See What I See?