If You Don’t…

It was a bad night. Some very frightening events, that now lie still this morning thankfully, were another reminder of just how quickly our lives can become something that is completely unsettling. The last few weeks have changed me. Yes, the dross metaphor my father had once talked about—those life changing moments that are skimmed away revealing a different perspective beneath, or within—has been evident … Continue reading If You Don’t…

I Woke Up

After listening to Mr. Alan Watts tonight, it is evident to me that what the last few weeks have illuminated is a direct reflection of what he had spoken of. There have been times throughout those weeks of mine, involving a handful of certain individuals, that have served up the evidence to back up the words I’d heard from Mr. Watts tonight. And to save … Continue reading I Woke Up

Whatever

The days are being challenged by a lingering, deeply rooted, intense and frustrating emotional attachment. My mom is killing me. Literally, it seems to be taking the life from me. It is not a constant ordeal, because suppressing it is what my brain is doing in order to keep going with the peace that I’m determined to remain in. But that brain of mine, well, … Continue reading Whatever

Greater Day Wanted

The personal ways I sometimes choose leads me to different paths that are part of the experience, and I like to reflect while the emotions do their thing. I’m at a place of peace, because knowing how the emotions work and why/how they go on wild rides periodically has opened up the place many try to find, sometimes for a lifetime. Seeing how the world … Continue reading Greater Day Wanted

The Identity Dissolve

I had a hard time yesterday with a decision. Probably one of the biggest challenges I’ve had in months. But it was through the final decision made that I felt the pull, while then challenging myself to make it through. This particular thing that was poking at me was something that had been prevalent in years before–once again it reared its ugly yet tempting head. … Continue reading The Identity Dissolve

Foul Taste

A comment I had heard yesterday had me thinking about the way I’ve looked at others throughout the majority of my life. That way being with quick judgment, very unfair judgment. It was evident to me based on the wording he used to describe another–one man had spoken to another in a manner that was imperious, even though he had no right to tell the … Continue reading Foul Taste

It’s Okay

I’m kind of amazed with the progress that has been made throughout the last few months. It may be something that I continuously write about, but that is just the good feeling shining through. When one learns to overcome the confines that has bound them for a time, why shouldn’t they celebrate? Yesterday proved to be another small victory. Interactions with a variety of people … Continue reading It’s Okay

With So Much

My friend Jeff was a beautiful soul and a kindred spirit. His simplicity towards life was something I admired. Even though I never asked him very detailed questions about why he’d chosen to live his life the way he did, I gathered my own assumptions. That was good enough for me at the time. Jeff was a man I had known since my childhood. I … Continue reading With So Much

Always Dead. Always.

I wonder what it is that convinces one to hang on to pain, even though he or she knows that it isn’t helping matters? It was always different than it is now, before I began to live in the present. How unaware I was—even though I reflected on a pain from the past, I was doing it in the present moment, which is truly the … Continue reading Always Dead. Always.

In A Time

The Vince Guaraldi Trio version of Christmas Time Is Here once made me shed tears of sorrow when hearing it. I lost my grandfather in December of 2000. He was the man who I looked at as my true father. It was tough watching him slowly wither during that winter. While being sad because of grandmother’s recent passing, as well as watching grandpa suffer from … Continue reading In A Time

Rubbish

Rubbish. That is what the post was last night. The Christian man pissed me off again last night. He is the one who I have been sort of obsessed with. He and I have had our differences over the years, and when I had shared the same religion, we always seemed to have a way of bunting heads. We were both set in our stubborn … Continue reading Rubbish

Thanks

I give thanks for the terrible situations. This morning is a dark and rainy one. The water is showering on the tin roof attached to the back portion of our home. I sit and write within shelter as the calming rain beats down on the metal, and it somehow reminds me of times that were devastating. Those little misunderstood triggers that bring about memories of … Continue reading Thanks

I’m Really Powerless Without Faith?

Wondering why it is so hard for people to accept the way things are outside of what they can change, and why they selfishly want “God” to change it, the following thoughts consume me. What happened in the evolution of man? What convinced the world of needing a god with whiskers in the sky to look to for comforting? It seems to be a terrible … Continue reading I’m Really Powerless Without Faith?

How The Water Reflects

People who aren’t honest with themselves sure don’t make for good acquaintances, friends or lovers. The weekend was a bit longer since it actually began this past Wednesday for me. It was nice to have the extra days off from the labors at work. My Wednesday began with a few hours at the lake. Even though I didn’t catch any fish, the simple joy of … Continue reading How The Water Reflects

Brass Tacks

The introspection has lessons to teach if we allow it to do so. I’ve been fortunate the last few days, and it is through the pain that I’ve come to a few realizations. My work schedule has been put on hold for five days. While listening to music and spending some time reflecting on the many facets of my life, I’ve concluded a few facts. … Continue reading Brass Tacks

Pulled From Within

Picking up a children’s book from the shelf this morning while dusting, I noticed the title of the book that contained the words, “Daily Devotions.” My curiosity led me to a page within it that illustrated a child looking up into the sky and apologizing to God for doing something wrong. While sitting in front of the book shelf with the thought still swimming around, … Continue reading Pulled From Within

You Were Here…

A woman who seems to be deeply scarred by men from her past had me thinking about the people from my own past this evening. I tend to read the posts from the other bloggers I follow more so on the weekends. In a late night surf through the followed sites, I ran across another one of her writings. She seems to spend a lot … Continue reading You Were Here…

All Of The Noise

The constant stream of “talking” within the head sure has a lot to say. It is truly amazing when one encounters a personal breakthrough that alters the way he or she experiences their world. That has been the case for me this year. A medication has been removed in recent months, and even though I am incredibly thankful for the blessing of having it when … Continue reading All Of The Noise

Thinking Of You

“You have to take the good with the bad.” I remember a friend of mine saying this many years ago. There is no telling what the situation was at the time that served as the reason why he had said it to me, but the simplistic truth of his statement still resonates. There was a big life-altering situation that occurred last night. I sat outside … Continue reading Thinking Of You

No Guarantee

There is a blogger who likes to conclude his posts with the words, “Something to think about.” It is a religious blog. Each week the posts are sent out into cyber space and arrive, like this one, in front of an audience to be analyzed. The recipients then have the chance to agree, reject, or remain neutral after digesting the writing. The something to think … Continue reading No Guarantee

Is The Boy, “Saved?”

Identification seems to be instilled from a young age. At the time of receiving a given name and understanding that we are to be addressed as that name moving forward, we identify ourselves with a title. It was a another long hot week here in the Ohio Valley. Rains late within the week brought cooler temperatures and people out of their air-conditioned places yesterday evening. … Continue reading Is The Boy, “Saved?”

Unrest

It’s interesting to notice how most of what we call life is only experienced through the senses. I was studying an old photo of my wife’s extended family on the bookshelf today. The men wear the butterfly collars of the era while the women have the typical hair-dos. In the background, an artificial backyard setting of a home–not theirs–provides a quintessential feel for their captured … Continue reading Unrest

All That’s Left

We sat peacefully in the fragrance of freshly-mown grass… My mother and I are spending more time together since her split with the man that had his priorities. She and I are doing much better since we have learned to accept each other’s differences. I’ve been mowing her lawn once a week since the Spring has sprung. We sat on her back patio and enjoyed … Continue reading All That’s Left

Cleanse

Observance of my thoughts is the new norm, and many bloggers may soon get tired of me writing about it. Throughout the day today as I did my Sunday routine of riding the mountain bike in my former hometown, I noticed the old habit still clenching. I headed east this afternoon. The drive from home to the southwest side of the old city became very … Continue reading Cleanse

Before You

What is sad to see is the things we find; the negative in our worlds viewed through conditioned mind. We are victims or victorious, which ever one we say. Whatever condition we believe has made us this way. We fight the losing battle within ourselves—without end. We look to God when inner-strength is lost— a Creator we can’t comprehend. Praying for relief from the hell … Continue reading Before You

This Vast Correctional Facility

We seem to have very deep discussions around our fire pit here in Indiana. My father-in-law and I had a discussion last night that briefly touched on how different everyone truly is. Now that I’ve had coffee and more time to think about the little aspects which led to the topic, my morning has been purposely minimal. No social media, no article reading, just silence. … Continue reading This Vast Correctional Facility

Several Miles

I travel familiar streets on the way home from work after I stop and grab the usual cup of coffee. Exceedingly traveled streets and roads—ones paved with a thousand stories and memories. I’ve been thinking heavily about the days when an old pal and myself would travel along the backroads, smoking and listening to the finest music. For hours, we could forget about the musts … Continue reading Several Miles

Hurtful Truth

I’m the crazy one? Being diagnosed with psychosis isn’t sometimes easy for the recipient. It takes a lot to admit that something may be a little off within the brain and that one would benefit from medications. I’m one of them, and I can assure you that getting past the initial pride that opened the door to healing was a difficult season. In the long … Continue reading Hurtful Truth

Considered

Perspective is so distorted by an individual’s fear, I am finding. For a great majority of my own life, fear played a huge part. It was always there. It had its say no matter what aspect or time period of my youth had manifested. These times are remembered with great vividness. Fortunately, there is a contrast now that looks nothing like those old days. I … Continue reading Considered

Fraidy Cat

As I watch the world pass by, I wonder why people are so afraid of themselves? I’ve been hung up on this “pride” thing, lately. After recently writing posts relating to the pride we all possess, I have been going over the topic in my head all week. I keep coming back to this question of why most people appear to be insecure and afraid … Continue reading Fraidy Cat

Not This Year!

A New Year’s resolution will be a goal that many will latch on to in the coming days. Perhaps you will lose the extra pounds, be a better person in some way, save money, et cetera. Although I find it a bit silly to wait until a certain date on a calendar to make a personal change, people are people. I am–right now–going to promise … Continue reading Not This Year!

Our Peaceful Land

Wonderfully crafted food for thought is what we Americans seem to thrive upon… Although, it is far from wonderful!! The end-of-year holidays have me indoors for longer periods than usual. I have appreciated the goodness of spending time with my family and resting from labors, but the news has entered my periodic divisions of boredom. Mornings consist of feeding myself the many different views and, … Continue reading Our Peaceful Land

Honestly…

Keeping the distance from most is probably what is best for me. There is a difference within us all, I believe it is fair to say, when it comes to the relationships we have with others. Loved ones, friends, acquaintances–all have their places within our own perspectives. We all decide accordingly pertaining to how we should handle each one of them. I have been thinking … Continue reading Honestly…

Tidings

It’s not difficult to look around and take this life of mine for granted. I sit this morning in an easy chair and observe all these accumulated objects that fulfill some kind of undefined necessity. It has me thinking about the days when things were much different. Throughout the many years, things have come and gone. Objects, people, places and thoughts. Even typing, I look … Continue reading Tidings

In A Day

Maybe I’m not as paranoid as others feel the need to be? Do they need to feel paranoia? I sometimes wonder if a vast majority of the world thrives upon this delusion while traveling forward into the unknown; taking each setback and inevitable trial as a “told you so“ when the downfall does unfold. Is the world conditioned to fear? Is the fear only fueled … Continue reading In A Day

Theo And Benny

Take a few minutes… https://www.cbsnews.com/news/utah-boy-halloween-skeleton-best-friend/ It is a nice story in these current times. I believe Theo has his priorities in perfect order; a two year old boy has more sense than a lot of the adults that are roaming the planet right now. I did my usual surf of the newsfeed this morning after opening my search engine. The nearing presidency is taking up … Continue reading Theo And Benny

Bad News And Blunder

The past few days have been comical. Although some of the content of my recent days has not been anything to laugh at, the unbelievable works of people involved in that content has me shaking my head. I have (very lightly) been following the political banter and I am amazed of just how ridiculous a fly on someone’s head has become. The, not even funny … Continue reading Bad News And Blunder

Guess I’m Not, ‘Cause Someone Said So

I have a stalker! What an ignorant man I must be! The guy on the other end (the stalker) must think that I have no way of knowing when he has viewed my posts. Newsflash: I see you! It’s unbelievable how wrapped up we can become in others. Having means to do so has increased tenfold via means of the wonderful world of technological advances. … Continue reading Guess I’m Not, ‘Cause Someone Said So

Rooted In Being

What good staying away has done! There are many things that I have been straying from, and I couldn’t be more satisfied with where it has led me. For starters, I was spending way too much time within the devices we are all hooked on, like some sort of back alley junkie. Always needing my fix of the mostly phony facade. Looking through the screen … Continue reading Rooted In Being

Dumpsite

I was taking a stroll through the world’s landfill last night. A giant hill on the north side of the neighboring city is where all of our garbage is taken. Trash is dumped there, and maintenance workers cover it with dirt. The mountain has been building for many years, and it almost mimics a scene one may find in the Appalachians. I remember visiting the … Continue reading Dumpsite

Beyond Compare

When we display ourselves on our own shelves, what do we suggest? Me statements, I statements… ‘Yes, I must confess! Part of me wants to love you, I really do, but my ways are best. It’s not fair, yeah…I don’t care. Life and people have screwed me! Self absorbed? Well, you know who I’m really for… I am the best.’ When we display ourselves on … Continue reading Beyond Compare

Bad Medicine

Writing is not as therapeutic as it once was. I believe, in many ways, writing is an excellent way to process emotions. Unfortunately, my emotions have had a lot of control (probably due to the fact of being bipolar to a certain degree). I’m beginning to recognize how writing, while dwelling on the topics I choose to write about, more often than not cause me … Continue reading Bad Medicine