The days are being challenged by a lingering, deeply rooted, intense and frustrating emotional attachment. My mom is killing me. Literally, it seems to be taking the life from me. It is not a constant ordeal, because suppressing it is what my brain is doing in order to keep going with the peace that I’m determined to remain in. But that brain of mine, well, … Continue reading Whatever
My mother and I sat down to our weekly lunch meetup at the local diner. Her bad news was even worse than the last time we had met up. For a woman pushing seventy, she is not that happy about her soon to be finalized divorce. There is nothing we can do for my mom. She has to handle the days as they go. She … Continue reading I Choose Happiness
There has been a lot of thoughts of dying within the past few weeks. It happens from time to time. I suppose it began many years ago when my grandma passed. It had me face the real fact of it. There were probably others that had died before her, and the dog I had when I was a boy that was struck by a car, … Continue reading On Earth as It Is in Heaven
It was too late to give his wife the husband she deserved–he was too busy pleasing himself with another woman. The kids had plans for Christmas morning, but mom and dad were passed out from the Heroin high. The lady in the cafe was upset with the man pacing the sidewalk. He was begging right outside the window where she sat. She had to get … Continue reading We Are One
The plants around our home are now withered. When I was very young my grandfather and I once visited his Aunt Lena. She was a very frail old woman who lived by herself just east of my grandparents’ home. I remember a Spring–the sun was overhead, as I can remember the shadows of my grandpa and myself being cast upon the clay as he was … Continue reading Remaining
The experiences of a life gone by have surely made me who and what I am in the present moment. I made a comment on a fellow blogger’s post last night, and now I’m thinking they took it the wrong way. That is what happens in the blogging world. We type out a few words and send them on their way. Very little to study, … Continue reading Firmly Gripped
I heard the tune on Pandora this evening, and it had me thinking about recent weeks. When I was a kid, walking in nature was always one of my favorite things to do. My family, friends and I would often find ourselves in the wooded areas around our area. Camping, fishing, riding our bikes, just walking or sometimes sledding in the hilly trails during winter–we … Continue reading Brilliance
I travel familiar streets on the way home from work after I stop and grab the usual cup of coffee. Exceedingly traveled streets and roads—ones paved with a thousand stories and memories. I’ve been thinking heavily about the days when an old pal and myself would travel along the backroads, smoking and listening to the finest music. For hours, we could forget about the musts … Continue reading Several Miles
The memory of a large Conch shell that used to lay upon the floor at my grandparent’s home was the spark to the flame of wistful homesickness. I had the piercing longing come over me as I noticed an image of a similar shell within the newsfeed during my morning routine in front of this laptop screen. The waking mind is open to wavering mentation, … Continue reading A Sound of Silence
Take a few minutes… https://www.cbsnews.com/news/utah-boy-halloween-skeleton-best-friend/ It is a nice story in these current times. I believe Theo has his priorities in perfect order; a two year old boy has more sense than a lot of the adults that are roaming the planet right now. I did my usual surf of the newsfeed this morning after opening my search engine. The nearing presidency is taking up … Continue reading Theo And Benny
What good staying away has done! There are many things that I have been straying from, and I couldn’t be more satisfied with where it has led me. For starters, I was spending way too much time within the devices we are all hooked on, like some sort of back alley junkie. Always needing my fix of the mostly phony facade. Looking through the screen … Continue reading Rooted In Being
It is intriguing for me to observe the interests of others and to wonder why they do what they do. It’s also important. Being a deep thinker is hereditary, I’m finding. As I grow older, I’m beginning to see just how much of my father is really in here. He would study people (not in a creepy stalking manner, FYI), observing their words, facial expressions … Continue reading Something To Do
A man sat on the floor with his head in his hands trying to avoid the one who wouldn’t be still His paranoia was getting the best of him as the other danced before receiving his pill The mental ward was next to silent that morning but the voices in his head were screaming He just wanted those people to leave him alone Auditory hallucinations … Continue reading Forgotten
Thrown into their madness. The child never had a chance. He wasn’t given an option. Victim of circumstance. No happiness, early on. No place to be a kid. He was forced to learn too early by watching what they did. Was it just a part of life –this newness he was seeing– to hit another person; to scare and scream when meeting? Each time, he … Continue reading Nothing
I watched a baby Koala embrace a stuffed animal, and it made me fall into a deep, spirit-filled prayer. The video was a short clip of a little Koala that had lost its mother shortly before, and someone had brought a fake stuffed Koala to it. It seemed to be weeping, as it had its paw over its eyes, appearing to be grieving from its … Continue reading Go. Be. Do.
It may be a kind of confusing story, but I spend time with my deceased father at a local Denny’s restaurant. To start, I don’t have a delusional, schizophrenic malady. He’s not sitting in the booth with me or whispering his voice to me. Not crazy stuff. But, I do have a lot of memories about him while here. Funny thing is, we never spent … Continue reading “Table Or Booth?”
Anxiety stricken Beating heart On the verge of falling apart Nerves are shot Sweats and shakes Clinching this disaster as the still ground quakes Try to breathe Close my eyes Nothing works and it’s no surprise Everyone wonders why I’m exhausted now They offer advice but they don’t know how Ease today Doc pushed the pill Come back next month for another bill Pill wouldn’t … Continue reading Descension
Unless you’ve lived the hurt, you may not know how it is to walk in the melancholy, in a world such as his. The pull of the persuasive; those things of degrees not seen by the onlooker who boldly agrees the inward matches the outward, as they peer at the skin of the withering man wrapped up in that sin. Mistaken, they are, as they … Continue reading The Derelict, They Say
It has been humbling in recent weeks to recognize how so many individuals are incredibly self-absorbed. My wife and I sometimes watch a television show about couples who are married at first sight. They have no knowledge of each other preceding the union of marriage. Throughout the period of several weeks, the couples go through the processes of getting to know each other, while three … Continue reading Lacerations
The many documentaries on Netflix and Hulu about the Holocaust are what I find myself often watching when I do sit in front of the television. I’ve been on a WWII documentary kick for several years now, and I can honestly say that I’ve always been intrigued by the reality of this particular war, as well as the unbelievable calamity our men, women and children … Continue reading Willing To Die
It’s very difficult for me to really trust someone to the point of being able to fully share my heartaches. There are things that I am consumed with that only a select few and the Lord know about. Yesterday, I was able to give away some of those things that have been weighing on my heart. My beloved wife and I had a few minutes … Continue reading A Talking Love
It is currently seventeen degrees Fahrenheit outside, and I suspect it feels much colder than that when the wind blows. I’m sitting in front of a little space heater providing comfort for my tired feet. My family is sleeping in our warm home. The hot coffee warms my body. The electric light is dim, yet it provides a nice ambiance for early morning. Somewhere outside, … Continue reading Nothing In This World Lasts Forever
We cannot judge the heart of our neighbor. It is not up to us. How often we see and conclude from the surface of our fellow neighbor. We observe the outward man, but we do not see the true nature of that man as God does. So many, including myself, have the tendency to conclude one’s definition based on appearance, personality and limited knowledge of … Continue reading Realized
I’m so tired from trying to save someone dear to me. Literally, I am drained to the max. There is a person who is sitting alone, everyday, chain smoking their cigarettes and being entertained by little animals. Contained in a little box. The delusions and lies, finger-pointing and blameless character keeps many from knocking at their door. I’m drained. Drained because of their failure to … Continue reading Emptiness And The Empathetic Hiatus
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