Category: fear
All Of The Noise
The constant stream of “talking” within the head sure has a lot to say. It is truly amazing when one encounters a personal breakthrough that alters the way he or she experiences their world. That has been the case for me this year. A medication has been removed in recent months, and even though I am incredibly thankful for the blessing of having it when … Continue reading All Of The Noise
Refined By Fire
Rehash
I don’t like some of the truths about myself. There is a whole blog that I created here that looks back on the past; all of the conditioning that created the monster I am. All of those failures and flaws that, in my thirties, caused me to see a god of judgment. The good Lord was a just spirit, or man, or both, and he … Continue reading Rehash
Blind To Isness
The happening of the stars The happening of the blue in the sky we do observe with our optical view The happening of the heart The happening of the mind that scurries about continuously to judge what it will find The happening of an ego The happening of its lie The one that insists one must suffer before he or she must die The happening … Continue reading Blind To Isness
Stop Talking To Yourself
Pardoned
Bitterness was always something that I was accustomed to, but thanks to other bitter people, I’m now realizing why that was. In the recent weeks exchanges with others has tested my patience on several levels. Practicing the pause: a moment of consciously comprehending what is involved within an exchange and not reacting / responding while emotion is welling, has not been easy. However, the constant … Continue reading Pardoned
Fear Factor
Shamatha
Your Calm Beneath
In hindsight, the quest for understanding God had really screwed me up. My mother and I had a treacherous conversation the other day. It sometimes ends up being a disaster, and it’s usually my fault. It is difficult for me to listen to a miserable and repetitive cycle of thought patterns that are conveyed in the same series of words nearly every time I meet … Continue reading Your Calm Beneath
The Treasure Never Discovered
Consumption
It was a humbling experience in recent days that had me stepping back in order to reassess a few major factors within myself. The ordered blood tests from my doctor were due before the upcoming visit with her next week. I arrived at the lab early Wednesday and they withdrew the desired amount. I received the test results a few hours later and did not … Continue reading Consumption
Created
A Narrative
The shift in consciousness is revealing many things, but what I have noticed the most is the onset of stories I tell myself throughout the day. I catch myself doing it several times a day: the self-talk that leads me down the fictional paths of imagination. A thought enters my mind, I take off in a habitual manner and form a narrative that is really … Continue reading A Narrative
Unrest
It’s interesting to notice how most of what we call life is only experienced through the senses. I was studying an old photo of my wife’s extended family on the bookshelf today. The men wear the butterfly collars of the era while the women have the typical hair-dos. In the background, an artificial backyard setting of a home–not theirs–provides a quintessential feel for their captured … Continue reading Unrest
Wisdom
Are You One Or Two?
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True Value
In a recent visit to an old acquaintance’s website, I was again left with thoughts of inferiority and superiority swirling around within me. The religious blog, specifically that which is built around Christian Apologetics, is sometimes a place I visit just to see if the writer is still stroking his own ego. You see, the writer and I once had a go-around which ultimately led … Continue reading True Value
Trustworthiness
I saw the universal truth of every living thing within my recent experiences. There is something outside of my work routine at the place of employment that pulls me into the natural world outdoors. For the last few weeks I have diligently been working on our landscaping. It is satisfying for me to spruce up the flower beds, as well as beneficial when putting out … Continue reading Trustworthiness
Knowing The Difference
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No Help Wanted
I find it puzzling to see just how many people are resistant to others helping them in ways that would benefit them. I’ve been doing some work for a family member. There was a time when I thought much like this person. Not being focused on anything other than the past or future was always how I identified myself. You could not tell me that … Continue reading No Help Wanted
Evading or Evolving?
The nook that I write at has been a place of many collective thoughts. Since we moved into our new home at the end of 2018, I set up shop here in our kitchen. The refurbished laptop purchased from eBay has been reliable throughout this writing journey. As I sit alone this morning and think about all of the words I’ve punched out on the … Continue reading Evading or Evolving?
Quiddity
The beginning of a transformative way of observation has been leeching. It is something that has latched onto my thinking mind and is slowly becoming the new normal. I took a long bike ride through the city yesterday evening. The five o’clock hour marked the beginning of a nine day vacation from the employer. It is always a freeing experience to ride for me, as … Continue reading Quiddity
In Between Spaces
There are small gaps in between these words and sentences, much like the spaces in between the thoughts behind them. When I began to write this morning, it occurred to me that my mind has been going through many changes throughout a somewhat short period of time. Several weeks has been an awakening of sorts. I’ve really noticed just how my little mind constantly speaks, … Continue reading In Between Spaces
A Different Shift
Beginning the weekend with a relaxing Saturday morning feels much different than it had in many years prior. The weekends mark a two-day stretch that is of great value after five days of strenuous work. I have a demanding job, both physically and mentally. Sitting at the nook in our kitchen and knowing that the moment holds little more than the quiet hums of the … Continue reading A Different Shift
It Cannot Be Unseen
Drifting off into a memory from the childhood–a simple memory that seems to stick with me throughout the years–took me by surprise Friday evening. I was probably no more than three at the time. It was definitely a clear, sunny day with plenty of lush greenery; spring or summer in the early Eighties. I witnessed a young man with a boombox on his shoulder, with … Continue reading It Cannot Be Unseen
5:16 a.m.
Never before have I felt this way. When the anxiety has left, the nervousness and tension from thinking about the past or future no longer holds me in its firm grip, and when I know that the only true time I have is this very moment, I am truly, “there.” Yes, I’m there. The question used to be asked as I would go about each … Continue reading 5:16 a.m.
What Is The Source Of Satisfaction?
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Mind Control
A thought late last night entered my tired mind. It was about a person from my past. The thoughts sort of took over, as I dwelled upon what the person and I had gone through, and how the eventual end of our days together sort of hurt us both. This morning, I found myself still thinking about the person, but just a few minutes ago … Continue reading Mind Control
We Think
The UPS man and I had a conversation yesterday about the negative people of the world. There are two individuals of whom we are both acquainted with that absolutely will suck the life from you, if you allow it. He had made a comment to me at one point that I really had trouble accepting. He said that he enjoys talking to me, and that … Continue reading We Think
I.D.
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This Vast Correctional Facility
We seem to have very deep discussions around our fire pit here in Indiana. My father-in-law and I had a discussion last night that briefly touched on how different everyone truly is. Now that I’ve had coffee and more time to think about the little aspects which led to the topic, my morning has been purposely minimal. No social media, no article reading, just silence. … Continue reading This Vast Correctional Facility
Freeing From The Thoughts
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Restricts
Today has been a strange one. My family and I had a good evening around the fire in our backyard last night. Our oldest boy, only fifteen, has an understanding of society that is beyond anything my wife or I had known at his age. He and I had a discussion about the control that people have come to accept, and even love. The discussion … Continue reading Restricts
Creative Perspective
Never being one to get too involved in things that distract me from the natural world has been a beautiful way to live life. Isn’t life beautiful? Many would surely disagree. If one were to look at the media, listen to the conditioned voice of fear that is so prominently gripping the way we view ourselves and our worlds, understandably, little beauty would be recognized. … Continue reading Creative Perspective
Fraidy Cat
As I watch the world pass by, I wonder why people are so afraid of themselves? I’ve been hung up on this “pride” thing, lately. After recently writing posts relating to the pride we all possess, I have been going over the topic in my head all week. I keep coming back to this question of why most people appear to be insecure and afraid … Continue reading Fraidy Cat
The World Isn’t Kind
If it were up to me, I would keep my mind shut off from the constant battle between…good and evil? I really cannot say what has transpired in recent weeks, but there is a residual feeling of uneasiness that has been hanging over my head. Sometimes it is difficult to say with certainty that it is an attack of the supernatural (i.e. Devil), but something … Continue reading The World Isn’t Kind
Honestly…
Keeping the distance from most is probably what is best for me. There is a difference within us all, I believe it is fair to say, when it comes to the relationships we have with others. Loved ones, friends, acquaintances–all have their places within our own perspectives. We all decide accordingly pertaining to how we should handle each one of them. I have been thinking … Continue reading Honestly…
In A Day
Maybe I’m not as paranoid as others feel the need to be? Do they need to feel paranoia? I sometimes wonder if a vast majority of the world thrives upon this delusion while traveling forward into the unknown; taking each setback and inevitable trial as a “told you so“ when the downfall does unfold. Is the world conditioned to fear? Is the fear only fueled … Continue reading In A Day
Emptied
Silence is best at times. I haven’t been writing as much. The life outside of a small screen has had so much to show me. Recent times have brought about a calling to see just how quiet I can become. Is it what they call, “zen?” I’d say so. My wife and I just took a very long drive through three states, admiring the natural … Continue reading Emptied
Bad News And Blunder
The past few days have been comical. Although some of the content of my recent days has not been anything to laugh at, the unbelievable works of people involved in that content has me shaking my head. I have (very lightly) been following the political banter and I am amazed of just how ridiculous a fly on someone’s head has become. The, not even funny … Continue reading Bad News And Blunder
The Rushed Descent
I watched the beautiful sun setting yesterday evening, and something occurred to me. It’s been a rough season for me personally. Outside of the pandemic and all of its trace consequences, I’ve had quite a bit of distress of my own. This virus crap is minimal within my worries. I believe death is not only inevitable but it is also something that we cannot focus … Continue reading The Rushed Descent
Better Days Ahead
What a sad and cheerless world… I’m getting closer to being done with WordPress. My decision may change in time, but due to most of the posts lacking any sort of inspiration, I’m thinking about hanging it up. The walk along the road lead me to a choice to blog. With Jesus in mind, I began writing about how His provision was/is a part of … Continue reading Better Days Ahead
We’re All Going To Die!
The real killer is not COVID-19, it is fear. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, fear is the driving force the world thrives upon. I cannot go anywhere or read anything without recognizing it. Usually, the fear turns into some other form of emotion, such as hate. I read a post from a woman last night on Facebook that had me boiling. She, … Continue reading We’re All Going To Die!
Fear Prohibits
Presently Not a waiting game Nothing to unfold Only a space in a name… Labels for our physical We must identify Missing the present Behind our corporeal lie… Weaving the fabric Missing what’s beyond Figuring and factoring We lead ourselves on… Trueness is missed Our need for a need Silence dismissed Our presence is greed… Most can’t escape Many have not a clue… Removal of … Continue reading Fear Prohibits
Where Ends Meet
After a long work week, I spent some time cycling along the roads of the city. There are lots of neighborhoods, rural roads, wooded areas with dirt trails, and the streets I used to frequent when I did live in my hometown. I choose to ride in these areas because it is good for my thoughts as I take in all of the oxygen. Cardio … Continue reading Where Ends Meet
Sorry You’ve Missed It
Now
So much sadness fills the hearts of people. No time for the fruits of His Spirit. You know, love, joy, peace, and so on. The opposing is rather forceful, it seems. The demons we possess–both past, present, and anticipated future–contaminate the light, pulling us into those places that no longer exist… Just in our heads. The heart aligns with those places. The opposing is familiar. … Continue reading Now
Missing Text
Are we all on the same page? It’s obviously a silly question, as no two people are alike. I have been home today and sleeping soundly. Heading to work this morning, I began to feel like my body was weighted down by a crippling heaviness, and it was not being relieved with ample amounts of coffee. After arriving at my job and pushing through for … Continue reading Missing Text
Aggregate
I found the piece of paper bearing the formula yesterday. It was like finding a fading photograph of an old friend. The memories of that time–like a song that took me right back to a certain place in life–flooded my morning. The moment I found it, I reflected on a major turning point in my life. Sitting down several years ago to write the final … Continue reading Aggregate
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