Change

Before light, my mother would wake me on school days. After the alarm wouldn’t manage to budge me from my coma, due to the evening of drugs and alcohol the night before, her persistent voice would fill my room. I recall the usual routine of sitting at the sofa with the candy dish that I used as an ashtray, while flicking my ashes from the … Continue reading Change

Nah.

If the day is mine, then no, I won’t go. For the rain is enough for me to stay inside. It’s not that I don’t enjoy your company, but I have a need for my nothings. If the time is not right, why not put it off for another day? If the day never comes, it wasn’t meant to be. Is this a no-no in … Continue reading Nah.

Outside Of The Box Is Love

How sweet of them, to leave such valuable donations. Soiled, pizzle-stained mattress; sofa in part Vomit for the next baby to securely be seated in. How wonderful! A pillow with louse! The hearts of the generous–giving their trash for a good cause, and leaving the next heart broken. Continue reading Outside Of The Box Is Love

While Things Come And Go

Your needs–are they becoming? Is anything outside of your desire to be right a need, you self-righteous pig?! The man in the mirror, mirroring the scar. Those things of yesterday–of hours, no longer relevant–still destroying you and everything/everyone around you. Becoming.     Scapegoat! Filthy animal! You should have killed them while you had the chance! You could be living with the guilt… Oh wait, … Continue reading While Things Come And Go

Harassments

Out of all the things there are to focus on, people gladly choose the hell of the world. A man whom I have worked with for many years is really showing his true self lately. Every single workday I can hear his troubled voice, backed with his boisterous theories, spreading the negative to others. Twenty, thirty, or possibly even more minutes are spent on his … Continue reading Harassments

Rise Again

A collection of thoughts make their way through this tired mind as waking takes its time. Which one to choose; which one to take along for the day ahead? Should it be of the media’s choice? My shortcomings? The gorgeous weather? Ah, to choose–freeing, or binding.   Fog from the inadequate in our lives blinds sight of peace. Focus on the problem, not a solution, … Continue reading Rise Again

The Value Of Sunny Days

Checking the weather forecast is certainly something I take for granted. To see beautiful, sunny days with given percentage chances, on the news or an app, is a marvelous thing! When I see little symbols that show a sun, or a sun with a few clouds surrounding it, my life changes!! Just being lighthearted. In all seriousness, I truly do love a sunny day in … Continue reading The Value Of Sunny Days

Polychrome

Created are the atrocities Inventions of the mind Beyond our control Within check at times Practices can manage Chemicals may heed Chemistry is a riddle Understanding is the need Past will perform Vivid stage play in memory Present screen play in monochrome Flushed by what used to be Instability is the writing on their paper See how it will go… Take two, then come back … Continue reading Polychrome

Returning

The body cannot keep up with the mind. Heart races when anxiety thinks it is time. Topics of old peel scabs that took years to find. We count facial lines.   Time took away the agility we took for granted. The youth and avant-garde–once graciously handed. Aged like the wine, yesterday, now demanded. Discomforts–mine, yours–leave us enchanted.   Shouldn’t we dwell upon such things as … Continue reading Returning

When We Are There

Looking at all that had been, he stared into the shadows of years gone awry. Like the meeting of silhouette on sunlit grass, his life swayed with unpredictable certainty. His lingering sorrows of a love lost, blown somewhere into the abyss of airy blue, above the shades of regret he knew. The cool of downing light–a temporary peace. The man was only human– as fragile … Continue reading When We Are There

Square Peg–Round Hole (Part 1 of 2)

Before the world of a young child is illuminated by its own imagination, wonder, and all of the other blessings the new brings, the child usually has the opportunity to learn some basic fundamentals. Whether it be from a parent or guardian, most children will learn to crawl before walking under a watchful eye. As a little tyke begins to take interest, the mind unfolds … Continue reading Square Peg–Round Hole (Part 1 of 2)

Where Darkness Lies

“I don’t understand the darkness” is a statement someone had made regarding my chosen style of writing. Throughout the past few years on WordPress, I have poured myself out through text. As a helpful tool I had used while evaluating my personal cognitive complexity, writing later evolved into a passion. I began to write of experiences, thoughts, my walk with God, as well as poems … Continue reading Where Darkness Lies

Anew

Spring is providing everything it had promised in all years before. Renewal. Birth. Intrigue. It is painting our world with the never before. Insect and chasing mammal–reminders of their hiding. Cotton-like cloud, passing before azure sea. Whisper of warm, cry of brisk. Rain and hoary low. Peeking of yellow, smiling with green–reaching higher places than their own. Nesting of flyers within towering brawn. Pastels adorn … Continue reading Anew

Ethic

Willingness to adhere to one’s own “norm” can sometimes lead to big trouble. I must say, the last few years have been a challenge within my personal life. In many aspects, I have learned to change. These aren’t subtle changes, as they had been a huge part of who I was as a person. As I share, keep in mind that these specific changes have … Continue reading Ethic

Wasteful Thinking

What does it do for you, to think on such things– the squander and morose. All the haste that it brings. Nothing is achieved, except the misery you teach. Mundane and jaded. My, the woes you do preach. Does it pay in the end to lose all you’ve gained? That beautiful laughter? The grip you maintained? A challenge has come, and you fold, with a … Continue reading Wasteful Thinking

Under The Blue

Under the blue, we breathe the springing onset. New has arrived, and we miss what we’ve met.   Songs of the season– the rustling of tree. The voices of organic life. The sorrow we see.   Sun shines on opportunity– our lighted ambitions. Darkness hides our intent– impeded positions.   Standing firmly in the rays of exuberant determination, under the blue, in His creation, we … Continue reading Under The Blue

Behind those Foster Grants Of Life

It is interesting to see how the emotions play such a huge part in our experiences. I turned on my computer this morning to see a small monkey gripping firmly to a tree branch as the Windows program was booting up. Random pictures appear in this process, and they are usually accompanied by a few words to draw interest that pertains to the image. Anyway, … Continue reading Behind those Foster Grants Of Life

Our Rivers

The bleeding heart: never void of the coming and going. Taking in–thrusting forward. The life-blood faithfully jaunts, replenishing; renewing. A carrier of our drive; a river of nourishing fare. Vital. Not critical. Tolerant. Here we are: bias and unfair… Nothing like the blood that we all share; unlike the blood sent abroad by the bleeding heart. Continue reading Our Rivers

Rhetoricals

Why are some inhuman? Why do some toy with the emotions by tearing away at the most vulnerable parts of others? Why do the Christians use the wrath of Old to portray the New of Jesus, as if He is some sort of bipolar lunatic? Why do they hate, with love? Why do they fervently read His Word, while never understanding His Word? Do they … Continue reading Rhetoricals

Trying To Forget

Battling the “ups and downs” of this life of mine can sometimes be an all out war. When the mood disorder that I’ve always had trouble balancing rears its ugly head–pulling in every direction, with the corruption of its character having the upper hand, I sometimes become engulfed within a funk with no real reasoning behind it. I’ll then attempt to find “reasons” for the … Continue reading Trying To Forget

I’ve Always Been My Own Hero. I Had No Choice.

Surfing through a few writings this morning, and after reading the specific focus of one writer proclaiming that his dad was his “hero” while growing up, it occurred to me: I had no heroes. One can look at the word in a number of ways. In this instance, the guy was obviously talking about his father being the role model that he looked up to … Continue reading I’ve Always Been My Own Hero. I Had No Choice.

Wilted Woes

Spring is returning. The budding life — for a time, lying dormant — is rejoining the world. The sun creeps to its higher position, forcing the land to transitions. The voice of bashful life is practicing new song… And, for me, the dormancy remains.   Why is it not as rejuvenating as the last spring? Is it the load that has been carried since the … Continue reading Wilted Woes

Carried

Her need for excitement has no bounds–no limitations. Each night, the liquor provides for her… Tantalizing sensations. Painted face, powdered nose. Fragrance of flower. She hits the city for a night of needs. For the moment, empowered. Dancing around, drowning in the cocktails of apathy. Her prophecy, fulfilled. She scans the room for the body — masculine and thrilled.   Darkness and desire. The guilt … Continue reading Carried

Late

Foolishly, we wait. Along the roadside of our expectations, we wait for someone to rescue us from our despondency. We wait for the new day to bring the same somethings that have been available to us all along. We wait for a change, to satisfy, with the hope of it staying for more than the familiar sojourn. We wait there, at the shoulder of our … Continue reading Late

That’s Just You

Perhaps I’m a self-centered prick? Saying and doing the things that make others sick. Perhaps I’m a little bit fed up? Willing to stay within the rut. Maybe I’m a little unkind? Repulsed by the attitudes that I find. Am I a terrible man? It seems that only a few are a fan.     Perhaps I’m a kindhearted guy? I just have trouble getting … Continue reading That’s Just You

Palpable Pudding

So many different voices. You can hear their life in the chatter. A crowded room full of people. Food and drink is the serious matter. Refueling for a day. The coffee poured in porcelain mug. Scraping of a plate. Women gabbing over what they love. A cough followed by more hacking. The air is full of breath. We eat and breathe together. Enjoying progressive death. … Continue reading Palpable Pudding

Gone

The fragmented memories fall to the wayside as the mind is subdued with age. The innocence of the youth–written in chapters before– deeply covered with numerous page.   The life once shared with the forgotten. The days of smiles and laughter, now silent. All of the people they can’t remember the names of. The reason why he or she became violent.   All of it … Continue reading Gone

Inside Out

Everybody hurts. This I know. I’m hurting lately. This face does show. Not entertained. Temper is short. People are annoying. Emotions contort. Tired of religion. Fed up with the Church. I’m looking for Him. Worn out from the search. Routine is redundant. Weather does suck. Sunsets aren’t peaceful. Down on my luck. Real talk this morning. Don’t need your prayer. It helps to write. Don’t … Continue reading Inside Out

Burned Alive

It’s not about the things in them you hate, it’s about the things in you that obliterate. You longed to fix everyone outside, as you took a look at yourself and lied. It’s much easier for you to blame, than to see what’s truly fueling hate’s flame. Everyone walked away after trying, but you just wouldn’t listen…. Now, you’re dying. You played with the fire … Continue reading Burned Alive

The Personal Real

I suppose my willingness to remain strong comes from the constant fight to not fall victim to my circumstances again, and to not begin to see the world in the same ways that I used to. It was once all that I was–my circumstances. It was the only thing that I defined myself as. Failures: circumstances. Wins: circumstances. No power to get on with life: … Continue reading The Personal Real

Supreme Concern

Are they concerned, or do they only speak for themselves? Do the teachers and preachers look in the mirror of the morning and shine; finding a splendid way to stroke their own ego until night falls, where the mirror then smiles back at them in that evening hour of contentment?? “Good job, master. You’ve done so much for yourself.” Looking back at your failures, you … Continue reading Supreme Concern

Take THIS Away…

Discipline — it’s sometimes impossible. “But, with God, all things are possible!” I can hear it now. Someone is saying it as they read my opening sentence. And, I’m not disagreeing. There are many things in the life of all of us that we — with all of the discipline we can try to marshal — absolutely cannot put down. What’s yours? My wife has … Continue reading Take THIS Away…

Extinguish Before Exiting

The willingness to move on: Do you possess it? One of my co-workers has a tendency of getting stuck within one task, and staying stuck. There may be several other tasks that need to be completed, but he finds himself completing (if that many) only one. It’s a wonder that he gets to keep his job, I sometimes think. As I thought about this example, … Continue reading Extinguish Before Exiting

Feeling Like Doo-Doo

Today, thanks to the spreading of germs, I am sick. Ugh. I didn’t sleep well, have a fever and the beginnings of congestion in my head. I’m not sure what my stomach is planning on doing? Overall, I feel like doing nothing but typing out a few things, lying in my recliner and sipping some coffee. We all have gotten sick at one point or … Continue reading Feeling Like Doo-Doo

High On Our Hell

We used to live for the party. My friends and I would make it a point to find anything that would alter the mind and body. A bottle of booze, low-quality, mid or high-grade weed, powders in baggies that were, hopefully, what the dealer had said they were. Anything to numb. Anything to excite. Drugs and alcohol weren’t the only things that would get us … Continue reading High On Our Hell

Perfectly Imbalanced

At 3 a.m., I sit and truly wonder why I do some of the things that I do. After a long work week, and after only about four hours of sleep last night, I woke to begin enjoying the rest. Weekends are my time to reset, refuel and actually be okay with not staying busy. Being “okay” with the rest is something that took a … Continue reading Perfectly Imbalanced

Descension

Anxiety stricken Beating heart On the verge of falling apart Nerves are shot Sweats and shakes Clinching this disaster as the still ground quakes Try to breathe Close my eyes Nothing works and it’s no surprise Everyone wonders why I’m exhausted now They offer advice but they don’t know how Ease today Doc pushed the pill Come back next month for another bill Pill wouldn’t … Continue reading Descension

Subordinate

Flaunting wisdom. Flaunting pride. Flaunting those nagging things we should have kept inside. Flaunting the wealth. Flaunting vanity. Flaunting how they are better than you or me. Flaunting their God — the same One we have. Any chance to flaunt and deliver the stab. Why flaunt the wisdom? Why flaunt the pride? Why does comparison never subside? Why flaunt the wealth and the vice of … Continue reading Subordinate

Awaiting

As a silent observer, I often view my world from the outside. In other words, I take the time to examine myself — the practicalities, emotions, responses, etc. Being in tune with me. This morning, I have been observing a recurring, personal fact. This post may be considered a bit morbid for some, but I tend to write from my heart. I often think about … Continue reading Awaiting

She And He Almighty

I figured she would start another argument today, instead, she demanded someone definitely should pay! She is miserable, you see, and she needs others to always know that somehow, someone else is the reason she is low. It’s a constant pattern within this woman who never fails to see! The blinded know-it-all, telling all how they should be. He’s a man of honor, at least, … Continue reading She And He Almighty

Invasion Of The Joy Snatchers

Do you ever feel as though you joy is being robbed from you? Within the last few weeks, I have. It had been a very stressful time in recent days as I took on the many tasks, dealings with people and the lack of sleep. The combination had me pretty edgy throughout most of the hours. A very physical occupation which also requires a great … Continue reading Invasion Of The Joy Snatchers

The Great Flood

Drenched. So immensely saturated by the things that hang from me. Losing strength. So much work, so little time. “A break?” ‘………..no.’ I must build the wall before the levee breaks. But, this weight! Clinging like a parasite to the host, slowly draining the life………from….me. Oh God, slow me down! Stop this downpour long enough for me to catch that much needed break….. Oh, look. … Continue reading The Great Flood

Heavy Ways

Heavy is the weight of the trials; the load that is carried throughout the long walk of miles. Heavy is the stressful life we find; those demands and strangling hands of a love lost, never left behind. Heavy is the decision one wishes could have been different; the choice in a moment they are now sickened by, as it fell short of efficient. Heavy is … Continue reading Heavy Ways

What We Want VS What We Need

Knowing exactly what I personally don’t want in life — after making all of the bad choices that led to dismay — has paved the way to my current place of contentment. It’s a wonderful feeling to have the majority of your ducks in a row, but I say this with great humility. I’ll be the first to admit: I’ve been the worst! The absolute … Continue reading What We Want VS What We Need