Again…

The morning opened with a familiar sin. Crawling out of bed was quickly greeted by the weak and tired mind being obscured by a sin that I continuously struggle with. It’s not surprising. I know full well just how bad the particular vice I struggle with is, yet I sometimes give in to its tempting pull. It’s no excuse, I know. If we are called … Continue reading Again…

Rise Above

It’s been a relief as I have recently been able to let a toxic person go. Today marks the triumphant first day of letting someone go–a someone whom became an obvious fake over the course of a few months. A man I’ve been conversing with here at the Press had (and I say had with a sigh of relief) been watching my blog from a … Continue reading Rise Above

The Voice He Hears (Part 16)

The angel began to speak into Mike. He could hear the being, without words. Without a necessity to understand. It was showing Mike the small frames of his father’s life. The past; a young boy in an environment of desecration. The vision of his father being beaten and molested by a woman he called his mom. While her husband was away fighting a war, he … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 16)

The Voice He Hears (Part 15)

Michael, maybe ten, was in the street playing with a childhood friend. Anna was the blond with the sky blue eyes. He remembered well. They were the eyes that saw what his father would do to him, when she found them one summer day inside the dugout. It never left Mike’s memory. The recurring dream of the event would come to him throughout his years. … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 15)

The Voice He Hears (Part 14)

Like any seasoned drunk, he had to have a drink. Mike cracked open the bottle of Gin he’d been sitting on since June. His agitation, along with the familiar withdrawal, was relentlessly picking. Day turned to night, and the moon was rising above the treeline on the edge on the field behind the house. He poured the drinks quickly, and often. Mike ordered the pizza … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 14)

The Voice He Hears (Part 13)

He was watching the darkness turn to light outside. He’d been sitting at the window in the kitchen for hours, desperately trying to make sense of it all. Mr. McBride was gone. The beautiful visions of unexplained phenomena, followed by the terror of his nightmare. He couldn’t do anything but stare. Moving about, he took himself to the basement. Not sure of what time it … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 13)

The Voice He Hears (Part 12)

The heartbeat–his, yet, only in ambiance–muffled the oncoming carriers of torches. The flames breached the horizon as Mike felt the heat long before due. The darkness was now giving way to the subtle glow, but calefaction was intensifying. Mike observed the skin on his arms as they started to boil and bubble. He felt hell approaching. One wink. Michael was surrounded by skeletal horses driven … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 12)

The Voice He Hears (Part 11)

He was in the other world; the dreamscape. Manifesting before him, at close proximity, were short scenes of his life. Within the darkness, and as though the scenes were lighted by spotlight, the past began to appear. He was standing beside a little boy that was at the feet of his arguing parents. Although there was nothing audible, the fighting was evident. He just watched … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 11)

The Voice He Hears (Part 10)

How Mike could be seeing himself as a young man in the face of the old man was an anomaly, and the bizarre peripheral spinning only added to his astonishment. The light, and this time, a silhouette of what appeared to be an angelic creature came into sight. It was as if the light was an opening of some sort behind the man–as though the … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 10)

The Voice He Hears (Part 9)

“Well, Mike, I have been trying to get ahold of you for a while now.” He assumed that it must have been Mr. McBride weeks earlier knocking at his door. “Get ahold of me?” Mike was still in a state of intense bewilderment. The series of events involving this old man–a person who’d shown up in a dream before showing up in his reality, sitting … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 9)

The Voice He Hears (Part 8)

With a half-smile and an obvious response of confusion from Mike’s partial question, the old man uttered, “Hi, uh, I’m looking for Mike Sandersen. Are you Mike?” Mike was so confused by the whole thing–the man from his dream, now, standing at his door and asking for him. He was speechless, and the haze of the alcohol wasn’t helping the whole situation. “No,” Mike replied, … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 8)

The Voice He Hears (Part 7)

He actually enjoyed spending the time with his mother that morning. She had brewed a strong Colombian coffee, prepared blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs, just for him. His favorites. They talked about the one time dad had actually been nice when he hugged them both and said that he loved them, right after his mother had passed. It was a non-existent phrase from his mouth, … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 7)

The Voice He Hears (Part 6)

He creased his eyes and played with the sunlight as it danced within his lashes and watery vision. His thought of an angelic apparition composed of sunlight was quickly passed off. He didn’t believe in angels, anyhow. Angels–the things he once believed were possible–were simply from another time in his life, back when his mom and dad were still a thing. Back when his childhood … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 6)

The Voice He Hears (Part 5)

The sound of his own voice was beginning to irritate him, let alone those of the few that he would hear from. Jobless, lazy as all get out and so full of lame excuses, left unlimited time for him to stew in his misery. The deep-seated resentment of a questionable origin was now his identity, unbeknownst to him. The seasons came and went. His mother … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 5)

The Voice He Hears (Part 4)

He was not the man, or in his mind, the boy he once had been. He was no longer the company everyone loved to be around–the happy-go-lucky, sarcastic prick that had a heart for the outcast. The one people would talk to about their problems, knowing firsthand that he would give them straight feedback. Genuine, honest words. He had no idea where he now stood. … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 4)

The Voice He Hears (Part 3)

But, the knock at the door returned. The unknown visitor, relentlessly, beat at that door. Still, by no means, was he willing to get up to answer it. The beating would continue throughout the night — in his dreams. In the smolder of his chain smoking when the eyes wouldn’t stay shut. A single knock, from a possible friend, came and went on the August … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 3)

The Voice He Hears (Part 2)

They comfort him, all of these faithful friends. The threads of nonsense. The musical talents he wishes he could greet at the end of their sessions. The lukewarm Rum. With each day, while tucked away, he binds to the melancholy. A glimmer of hope knocked on his door on an August morning, but he didn’t answer. It was too much like work, peeling himself off … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 2)

The Voice He Hears (Part 1)

Running away. That’s what he’d always been good at. Ever since he was boy, it was a necessity, finding those places to run to. A thick book of fantasy, the bottle of Rum, or, perhaps, the twisted perversions most dare to mention. All of the lies he would tell himself. The escape artist, basking in the light of seclusion and unreasonable reason. Flash-forward to the … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 1)

Hinder House

Locked away, the man sat with only his thoughts. He ate from the cans he’d packed away, counting down–each bite, each number from the label. The water he’d rationed spilled to the floor in his fit of anger. A candle–dimming, much like his soul–burned away in the corner of his space…. Alone. He spoke to the angels that would visit him. They spoke in ways … Continue reading Hinder House

Trying To Forget

Battling the “ups and downs” of this life of mine can sometimes be an all out war. When the mood disorder that I’ve always had trouble balancing rears its ugly head–pulling in every direction, with the corruption of its character having the upper hand, I sometimes become engulfed within a funk with no real reasoning behind it. I’ll then attempt to find “reasons” for the … Continue reading Trying To Forget

Descension

Anxiety stricken Beating heart On the verge of falling apart Nerves are shot Sweats and shakes Clinching this disaster as the still ground quakes Try to breathe Close my eyes Nothing works and it’s no surprise Everyone wonders why I’m exhausted now They offer advice but they don’t know how Ease today Doc pushed the pill Come back next month for another bill Pill wouldn’t … Continue reading Descension

In Tune With You

I listen to a lot of music, especially on the weekends. I can honestly say that I’ve been through just about every genre the world has to offer, with the exception of the one’s that I cannot tolerate. Music has always been a part of me. I recall my house always being filled with an ambiance of a beat of some sort. My mother and … Continue reading In Tune With You

Speak To Me

We are judged for the ignorance that only God knows Those things we struggle with; the incriminating woes. We expect sympathy and for others to understand, but most only criticize with judging hand. We face the known demon and whip our own back because of the guilt we idolize what we lack. Facing the God of forgiveness through Christ we still want forgiveness so offer … Continue reading Speak To Me

Their Futile Rumination

When things are grey, much like the skies over our foreseen days of cabin fever, we look into ourselves. The walls close in. We begin to think of things that aren’t true: Do they care? Do I matter? Why me? Am I as good as I tell myself?   The grey impedes. Shortened days and wearisome nights. Patience restrained. Diving deeper into the abyss of … Continue reading Their Futile Rumination

Falling Away

What is it that you find when you observe what you have today? Are the things that you’ve created in the past the pillars of the answer you will convey?   Do you hold onto the past mistakes that hinder what you could be? Are those pillars of self-worth and confidence crumbling slowly into the sea?   Are the pillars made of discontent that you’ve … Continue reading Falling Away

Becoming

What a difference it makes to wake up with an attitude of gratitude. I had shared a caption on social media yesterday that reads, “Don’t wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.” As I’m waking up this morning, I am taking the time to remember the truth of these … Continue reading Becoming

Rooted In Decay

What caused you to feel that way? So often, you speak of the misery. Is it worth the limited time you have here to dwell on your ancient history? Right now, the time is right to reflect, but not live in a place that your mind wanders to all too often; the place where you refuse to forgive. The wound upon your heart is bleeding … Continue reading Rooted In Decay

Coddling

Hold onto that thing that you think that you must have Be passionate about the grip on the things that you will grab Hold tightly to the wreckage and the tricks of the mind Don’t look for the ways out or solutions you may find Get comfortable in your madness Stay there in your excuse Be the one in the shelter of self-pity and abuse … Continue reading Coddling

A Good Friend

A friend I used to hang with had a beautiful way about him He was the best a person could ask for He went by the name of Sin He and I used to laugh together all hours of the day He’d bring me gifts of pleasure and show me splendid ways When night came, we’d celebrate under cover of darkened skies He was the … Continue reading A Good Friend

Fragility

The mind can destroy a man as it sits idle The voice it produces begins as a whisper gaining speed– now, as loud as the tornado tearing through the moment ripping through the shelter: the one the mind believed could withstand it all…   Fill it with noise.   Stimulate it with these things you find: Temporary whispers Fleeting tornadoes Welcomed torments Say goodbye to … Continue reading Fragility

In The Face Of Fear

Why do some heal while others never learn? Why do some desire change while others ignore concern? Is it a lack of confidence or a comfort they enjoy? Do they happily welcome the sadness that will ultimately destroy? How long must one go on before change becomes a need? Is fear the underlying issue that takes a willing lead? Do they say, “Go ahead… I’m … Continue reading In The Face Of Fear

Us

Peering into the man who sits in the waking hour I share the thoughts he has and the things that he desires Observing his every motion feeling those aches and pains Looking at the day ahead wondering how we will maintain I tell him, ‘we are only in the now’ but he lives in another time He searches for good reason to dwell on what … Continue reading Us

When Will You Manage?

Management is a great and necessary thing. I work for a fairly small company, and within that company, there are individuals who hold managerial positions. They have certain tasks to perform, people to supervise and decisions to make. They are the overseers of the people that hold positions in certain departments. These individuals have been appointed because they have been considered as qualified for the … Continue reading When Will You Manage?

Progress In Motion

Sitting silent in the shadow comfortable in the disease Panicked in the peacefulness no real reason for unease Pass a day within a confine ‘better off’ you calmly say No real reason to have faith in you after failing in your way If change means looking further from the complacent view you hold then taking small steps forward may only limit what could unfold Your … Continue reading Progress In Motion

Today’s Youth Counts

The fingers were used to show this little, undeveloped mind of mine how to count. I remember, “One, two, three…” as someone would point to the fingers on my hand. Over time, I could count to one hundred, or two hundred, or three hundred! You can probably remember how excited you were being able to show the grown-ups how you had learned to count higher … Continue reading Today’s Youth Counts

Digging Our Own Hole

The habit of dwelling on the negatives was a daily necessity; an absolute need. For the great majority of my life, I had to remain focused on the limitations. If any sort of possibility presented itself, I would quickly shoot it down. I sit this morning and remember a time in my personal life when my self-esteem had me in the clinches of shame. The … Continue reading Digging Our Own Hole

The Thought Leads

As a man thinks, so is he. I heard this many years ago, far before learning of its context, and I am not, in any way, saying or using this to promote the power of attraction. I am not using this in the context as the Proverb does. It’s just a statement, relative to what I am writing this morning. There has been so many … Continue reading The Thought Leads

My Faith Made Me Crazy

There was much to repent of. A time, not long ago, which laid the truth of my life out before me, exposing the very real and very factual ways of who I was, had me on my knees and begging for forgiveness. It had me killing myself. Each morning, I would wake up to another day of inadequacies. Another day of feeling like I was … Continue reading My Faith Made Me Crazy

“Life just sucks” – My Journey

A previous writing of mine. Not that I feel that life sucks right now, but things sometimes change, making life a drag. The post is for the broken. It is for those who are at a point in their lives where affliction has taken control. Take heart: God is always with you! https://my-journey-online.com/2018/09/27/sometimes-life-just-sucks/ Continue reading “Life just sucks” – My Journey

Arising

Our front porch is probably one of my favorite places to experience peace. The morning has much to tell from this little place of comfort. If I could express in words all of the constant chirps that surround the area. It’s like a symphony of harmonious chatter; a natural beauty that is created by God’s amazing creatures. We have many trees that shelter our families … Continue reading Arising

Remnants

When my father died, my family and I went to his place and took what we wanted. There were many things that were selected by myself and my half brother and sister. We took a look around our father’s place and brought the things that we deemed as valuable back to our own homes. I took all of my dad’s tools. Within the collection, there … Continue reading Remnants

A Faith in Recovery | Minute by Minute — Ex-Narnian

I’m one of those people who regularly struggle with the basics. Whether it’s faith foundations or life skills, I feel as if the things about the human condition that come so easily to people are a foreign language to me—and I don’t always comprendo. That said, one truth is finally making a lot of sense […] via A Faith in Recovery | Minute by Minute — … Continue reading A Faith in Recovery | Minute by Minute — Ex-Narnian

A Refusal To Move

There are times when idleness within my life can become very destructive. It’s an ongoing battle I’ve dealt with for a great portion of my adult life. The following link is titled, Here Is Why Your Anxiety Is Getting Worse. I found it to be a great source of information, especially since I have an ongoing tendency to practice some of the patterns and bad … Continue reading A Refusal To Move

Valor

My personal life has been nothing short of dangerous. From the beginning, the mess my parents had caused- the ongoing physical and mental abuse between themselves while I sat helplessly on the sidelines, with no comprehension of why it was taking place- set me up for a dysfunctional life that is still, at times, resonating throughout my current days. Forty years later. Times, much like … Continue reading Valor