Diary Entry

I woke up. It was enough for me this morning to just be grateful for waking. Taken for granted, most days. Yesterday had its own worries and blessings, and I am assured today will be the same. She has a new diagnosis. She read about the devastating effects the shit could very well have on her. At worst, fatal. Watching her lock herself in the … Continue reading Diary Entry

Dumpsite

I was taking a stroll through the world’s landfill last night. A giant hill on the north side of the neighboring city is where all of our garbage is taken. Trash is dumped there, and maintenance workers cover it with dirt. The mountain has been building for many years, and it almost mimics a scene one may find in the Appalachians. I remember visiting the … Continue reading Dumpsite

Beyond Compare

When we display ourselves on our own shelves, what do we suggest? Me statements, I statements… ‘Yes, I must confess! Part of me wants to love you, I really do, but my ways are best. It’s not fair, yeah…I don’t care. Life and people have screwed me! Self absorbed? Well, you know who I’m really for… I am the best.’ When we display ourselves on … Continue reading Beyond Compare

Substance

A few nights ago, I had a terrible nightmare that was all-consuming. Do you ever have that type of dream that is lucid and so realistic that it seems as though it is actually happening? Where you wake the next morning, questioning the true reality of your existence? Well, this nightmare was one of those. I suppose it had been the questioning of certain aspects … Continue reading Substance

Yet Separated

I lookout into a stretch of lot. The stones lie beside one another. Connected by the adherence of composition; a substance of cooperation. Unlike the lot of stability, I saw the people parked and traveling upon it: nothing like this lot of cooperation. Not bonded together to make one. Not at all like its stability. It’s interesting how the same elements we share with the … Continue reading Yet Separated

Missing Text

Are we all on the same page? It’s obviously a silly question, as no two people are alike. I have been home today and sleeping soundly. Heading to work this morning, I began to feel like my body was weighted down by a crippling heaviness, and it was not being relieved with ample amounts of coffee. After arriving at my job and pushing through for … Continue reading Missing Text

To Know What’s Not Needed

Constantly confessing to others that you are Christian, and that everything you do is of the Christian way, is a sure way to make you look less Christian. But honestly, what is the Christian way? One man I know will always manage to slide the fact that he goes to church regularly into any conversation, that he reads his Bible, that he listens to sermons, … Continue reading To Know What’s Not Needed

When We Are There

Looking at all that had been, he stared into the shadows of years gone awry. Like the meeting of silhouette on sunlit grass, his life swayed with unpredictable certainty. His lingering sorrows of a love lost, blown somewhere into the abyss of airy blue, above the shades of regret he knew. The cool of downing light–a temporary peace. The man was only human– as fragile … Continue reading When We Are There

God and Man (His War With Self)

Little brains bringing pains Giant pointer The moron blames Better than An upper hand Knock ’em down before they stand     The way I see me and me Your way is dumb You should agree   Human you are Under me by far Idiot Thoughts bizarre   So so blind The tales you find Thinking life is craft By design   Monkey man Think … Continue reading God and Man (His War With Self)

Known

The watcher perched in thicket Low vantage point Hidden from its world Keen eye Patient Studious Contemplating     Moving in for strike Never unsure Closer than shadows the watcher makes the move     Attack!!     The watched keen in its guile turned to greet the patient the studious the contemplative Vantage point detected in advance far before the watcher watched     … Continue reading Known

The Voice He Hears (Part 16)

The angel began to speak into Mike. He could hear the being, without words. Without a necessity to understand. It was showing Mike the small frames of his father’s life. The past; a young boy in an environment of desecration. The vision of his father being beaten and molested by a woman he called his mom. While her husband was away fighting a war, he … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 16)

The Voice He Hears (Part 15)

Michael, maybe ten, was in the street playing with a childhood friend. Anna was the blond with the sky blue eyes. He remembered well. They were the eyes that saw what his father would do to him, when she found them one summer day inside the dugout. It never left Mike’s memory. The recurring dream of the event would come to him throughout his years. … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 15)

The Voice He Hears (Part 14)

Like any seasoned drunk, he had to have a drink. Mike cracked open the bottle of Gin he’d been sitting on since June. His agitation, along with the familiar withdrawal, was relentlessly picking. Day turned to night, and the moon was rising above the treeline on the edge on the field behind the house. He poured the drinks quickly, and often. Mike ordered the pizza … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 14)

The Voice He Hears (Part 13)

He was watching the darkness turn to light outside. He’d been sitting at the window in the kitchen for hours, desperately trying to make sense of it all. Mr. McBride was gone. The beautiful visions of unexplained phenomena, followed by the terror of his nightmare. He couldn’t do anything but stare. Moving about, he took himself to the basement. Not sure of what time it … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 13)

The Voice He Hears (Part 12)

The heartbeat–his, yet, only in ambiance–muffled the oncoming carriers of torches. The flames breached the horizon as Mike felt the heat long before due. The darkness was now giving way to the subtle glow, but calefaction was intensifying. Mike observed the skin on his arms as they started to boil and bubble. He felt hell approaching. One wink. Michael was surrounded by skeletal horses driven … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 12)

The Voice He Hears (Part 11)

He was in the other world; the dreamscape. Manifesting before him, at close proximity, were short scenes of his life. Within the darkness, and as though the scenes were lighted by spotlight, the past began to appear. He was standing beside a little boy that was at the feet of his arguing parents. Although there was nothing audible, the fighting was evident. He just watched … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 11)

The Voice He Hears (Part 10)

How Mike could be seeing himself as a young man in the face of the old man was an anomaly, and the bizarre peripheral spinning only added to his astonishment. The light, and this time, a silhouette of what appeared to be an angelic creature came into sight. It was as if the light was an opening of some sort behind the man–as though the … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 10)

The Voice He Hears (Part 9)

“Well, Mike, I have been trying to get ahold of you for a while now.” He assumed that it must have been Mr. McBride weeks earlier knocking at his door. “Get ahold of me?” Mike was still in a state of intense bewilderment. The series of events involving this old man–a person who’d shown up in a dream before showing up in his reality, sitting … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 9)

The Voice He Hears (Part 8)

With a half-smile and an obvious response of confusion from Mike’s partial question, the old man uttered, “Hi, uh, I’m looking for Mike Sandersen. Are you Mike?” Mike was so confused by the whole thing–the man from his dream, now, standing at his door and asking for him. He was speechless, and the haze of the alcohol wasn’t helping the whole situation. “No,” Mike replied, … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 8)

The Voice He Hears (Part 7)

He actually enjoyed spending the time with his mother that morning. She had brewed a strong Colombian coffee, prepared blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs, just for him. His favorites. They talked about the one time dad had actually been nice when he hugged them both and said that he loved them, right after his mother had passed. It was a non-existent phrase from his mouth, … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 7)

The Voice He Hears (Part 6)

He creased his eyes and played with the sunlight as it danced within his lashes and watery vision. His thought of an angelic apparition composed of sunlight was quickly passed off. He didn’t believe in angels, anyhow. Angels–the things he once believed were possible–were simply from another time in his life, back when his mom and dad were still a thing. Back when his childhood … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 6)

The Voice He Hears (Part 5)

The sound of his own voice was beginning to irritate him, let alone those of the few that he would hear from. Jobless, lazy as all get out and so full of lame excuses, left unlimited time for him to stew in his misery. The deep-seated resentment of a questionable origin was now his identity, unbeknownst to him. The seasons came and went. His mother … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 5)

The Voice He Hears (Part 4)

He was not the man, or in his mind, the boy he once had been. He was no longer the company everyone loved to be around–the happy-go-lucky, sarcastic prick that had a heart for the outcast. The one people would talk to about their problems, knowing firsthand that he would give them straight feedback. Genuine, honest words. He had no idea where he now stood. … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 4)

The Voice He Hears (Part 3)

But, the knock at the door returned. The unknown visitor, relentlessly, beat at that door. Still, by no means, was he willing to get up to answer it. The beating would continue throughout the night — in his dreams. In the smolder of his chain smoking when the eyes wouldn’t stay shut. A single knock, from a possible friend, came and went on the August … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 3)

The Voice He Hears (Part 2)

They comfort him, all of these faithful friends. The threads of nonsense. The musical talents he wishes he could greet at the end of their sessions. The lukewarm Rum. With each day, while tucked away, he binds to the melancholy. A glimmer of hope knocked on his door on an August morning, but he didn’t answer. It was too much like work, peeling himself off … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 2)

The Voice He Hears (Part 1)

Running away. That’s what he’d always been good at. Ever since he was boy, it was a necessity, finding those places to run to. A thick book of fantasy, the bottle of Rum, or, perhaps, the twisted perversions most dare to mention. All of the lies he would tell himself. The escape artist, basking in the light of seclusion and unreasonable reason. Flash-forward to the … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 1)

Behind those Foster Grants Of Life

It is interesting to see how the emotions play such a huge part in our experiences. I turned on my computer this morning to see a small monkey gripping firmly to a tree branch as the Windows program was booting up. Random pictures appear in this process, and they are usually accompanied by a few words to draw interest that pertains to the image. Anyway, … Continue reading Behind those Foster Grants Of Life

A Little Insight…

There has been a running focal point of frustration within the writings that I choose to post, and I thought I would take the opportunity to explain why this morning. I’ve been upset with the “church” experience, many times over. Yes, one can tell me the usual, “No one is perfect.”, or the standard, “You must go to church. God commands it!” Although I agree … Continue reading A Little Insight…

Late

Foolishly, we wait. Along the roadside of our expectations, we wait for someone to rescue us from our despondency. We wait for the new day to bring the same somethings that have been available to us all along. We wait for a change, to satisfy, with the hope of it staying for more than the familiar sojourn. We wait there, at the shoulder of our … Continue reading Late

Times of Some

Sometimes, it’s the setting sun. It’s the way the tree appears featureless as the light on the horizon, behind her, is leaving for the eve. A silhouette, left in the dark, until the light returns to brighten another day… sometimes.   Sometimes, its the song. Three single notes, pulling the fears from the eyes, as the acoustic speaks what we couldn’t say. Taking all the … Continue reading Times of Some

Affirmation

Reality is what we say it is, yet, we never really know. Flecks, upon flecks upon flecks… Doing the guesswork.   The smallest fleck: Some flesh, a few bones, lots of water, and a brain that keeps it all, “real”. What do we have to say? Forcing a wind from our internal, voicing our realities through a hole in our face. Using symbols in a … Continue reading Affirmation

Observing the Obscured

I think it’s interesting to see so many people endlessly try to explain God (or the many facets of God) within their personal view of Him. All the while, existing within a reality of limited understanding, claiming to know a God they’ve never met, knowing for certain there was/is complete truth in their experiences. “Holy Spirit said to me“, or, “I know from a dream, … Continue reading Observing the Obscured

Insomnia Show

The mind never pauses. Even when tired, and during those sleepless nights, it crawls. Pushing its way through the perceptions of senses — firing and short-circuiting. The hare and the tortoise compete. With eyes falling silently closed, the vision of our creative element performs — our personal Hamlet, on the fly. As lids open, the rushing and random remains: ‘What did I do with that……………is … Continue reading Insomnia Show

Gone Fishing

I figured I’d write how I honestly feel, as writing has become how I personally deal. Inevitable sins in which I commit, accompanied by sadness and true feelings of s?@t. Throw in mental problems that I’ve battled so long and receive the pure dread of hell when I’m gone. Church screwed up my head and pride of the men who claimed they were “called” brought … Continue reading Gone Fishing

What We Give

Christmas time is upon us, and I have been reading the usual Christian posts: the real reason for the season, the Pagan roots of the holiday, the reasons why we should or shouldn’t celebrate, Scripture quotes. The usual. I have been thinking about what the true meaning of Christmas has become to me while being up at this very unusual hour of the morning. I … Continue reading What We Give

Kill The Messenger

I’m tapping out! You win! Go ahead, freely lie to the world! Carry on with your sin! It’s okay, I guess? No longer a problem here. Just remember who told you when consequence draws near. Tell others they’re safe from the game men have conducted while your life falls to pieces due to fools you’ve entrusted. Do you need security? A safety net? A social … Continue reading Kill The Messenger

Placidity

The peace one can find when not bombarded and worried When the body is easy When the mind is not hurried   A quiet eve by the fire A glass in hand Beautiful music on low so moving and grand   A day with a friend catching up on what has come Two separate lives in the moment as one   A hug from your … Continue reading Placidity

Gab and Jab

I was listening to the lyrics of a song when I began to see a great truth within everyone. This “truth” is the realities of our individual experiences: Everything that we have been through and have experienced with our senses. The way we have seen our individual worlds and all that we have become, up until this very moment. Our reality; what is real, solely, … Continue reading Gab and Jab