Rest

I finally saw the man for who he was, underneath the callous front. The squint eyes and lines surrounding, permanently carved from scowl. The dark complexion and piercing stare. He never said much, and when he did it was polluted with negative energy. That guy, me, in the mirror. I’m finding something within myself that has been brought to surface in recent times. It has … Continue reading Rest

The Road Never Traveled

Being pulled from the lucid dream by a sound in the room, I was saved from the fall to the ground. My journey through the German countryside, which as I recall was a backdrop for a music video that I was physically an observer of. My brother and his band played some sort of collection while the somewhat psychedelic storyline taking place throughout the German … Continue reading The Road Never Traveled

For A Day

It is the first day of another year, and it is truly a different energy than any other year thus far. The end of the calendar marks the holidays that bring family out of the personal schedule and into gatherings with family and friends. It was so different this now past year for my family and I, at least through my view of it all. … Continue reading For A Day

You Win

It has been in my head lately that most people have a desire to one up the universe. The natural flow of things is somewhat difficult to put into words in context to what I mean by the desire to get it over on the universe. Simplistically, I can say that humans need to feel comfortable while facing the unknown. I thought about this all … Continue reading You Win

Peace In Us

The joy of Christmas is something that has changed for me this year. A few months ago I was gazing into the vast and infinite space. Behind what was visible, I thought about how small I was. In the grand scheme of what I could comprehend as I observed, it occurred to me that my mind has such a minimal say in what was going … Continue reading Peace In Us

A Matter of Fact

Saturday mornings often seem to be a time of reflection, especially the first few minutes upon waking. I sat in the kitchen staring out of the window while thinking about the many moments that have collected throughout the past week or so. There were so many “ways” that I recaptured as I stared hard into the treetops outside. Ways. It is the ways in which … Continue reading A Matter of Fact

In A Time

The Vince Guaraldi Trio version of Christmas Time Is Here once made me shed tears of sorrow when hearing it. I lost my grandfather in December of 2000. He was the man who I looked at as my true father. It was tough watching him slowly wither during that winter. While being sad because of grandmother’s recent passing, as well as watching grandpa suffer from … Continue reading In A Time

Hammer and Nail

Maybe it is safe to say that I’m analytical because of the past? There was always a deep desire to do as daddy instructed: use my own two hands to figure it out. My father was barely engaged in my passions to create things. I believe my friends and I wanted a skateboard ramp when he said, “You have two hands, figure it out.” That … Continue reading Hammer and Nail

Ashes To Ashes

The life I once lived has a way of creeping back into my life when it is addressed by others. It is probably safe to say that all people have parts of their lives that they would rather forget about. A brief conversation with someone I love touched on things from days that are no longer here. Yet, like most, it was clear that the … Continue reading Ashes To Ashes

Pulled From Within

Picking up a children’s book from the shelf this morning while dusting, I noticed the title of the book that contained the words, “Daily Devotions.” My curiosity led me to a page within it that illustrated a child looking up into the sky and apologizing to God for doing something wrong. While sitting in front of the book shelf with the thought still swimming around, … Continue reading Pulled From Within

All Of The Noise

The constant stream of “talking” within the head sure has a lot to say. It is truly amazing when one encounters a personal breakthrough that alters the way he or she experiences their world. That has been the case for me this year. A medication has been removed in recent months, and even though I am incredibly thankful for the blessing of having it when … Continue reading All Of The Noise

Closure

After some thought about this morning’s post, I’ve decided to keep the blog up and running. There was a great deal of fatigue earlier in the day. The evening before was a rough one for me. I didn’t sleep well last night, and the tired mind had a lot of pull on the early day’s writing. I spend so much of my time consumed with … Continue reading Closure

Thinking Of You

“You have to take the good with the bad.” I remember a friend of mine saying this many years ago. There is no telling what the situation was at the time that served as the reason why he had said it to me, but the simplistic truth of his statement still resonates. There was a big life-altering situation that occurred last night. I sat outside … Continue reading Thinking Of You

Flat Earthers

It was interesting to see so many truths unfold just by observing others within the last few weeks. Nothing needed to be said to them, for any dispute or correction that could have been offered would have caused a defense. I’ve found that persuasion is becoming so prominent anymore, and while listening to the voices of several in recent days, the deceptive manipulation is warping … Continue reading Flat Earthers

Take Me Away

When reading many of the writings of others, a common thread often appears: An escape is necessary. There has been so many roads along this personal journey. The times now behind have brought me to this very moment, and as reflection can be now be observed, I recall such disarray in my youthful ignorance. It was a bad, bad deal. I just didn’t know, as … Continue reading Take Me Away

Consumption

It was a humbling experience in recent days that had me stepping back in order to reassess a few major factors within myself. The ordered blood tests from my doctor were due before the upcoming visit with her next week. I arrived at the lab early Wednesday and they withdrew the desired amount. I received the test results a few hours later and did not … Continue reading Consumption

Quiddity

The beginning of a transformative way of observation has been leeching. It is something that has latched onto my thinking mind and is slowly becoming the new normal. I took a long bike ride through the city yesterday evening. The five o’clock hour marked the beginning of a nine day vacation from the employer. It is always a freeing experience to ride for me, as … Continue reading Quiddity

Cleanse

Observance of my thoughts is the new norm, and many bloggers may soon get tired of me writing about it. Throughout the day today as I did my Sunday routine of riding the mountain bike in my former hometown, I noticed the old habit still clenching. I headed east this afternoon. The drive from home to the southwest side of the old city became very … Continue reading Cleanse

Brilliance

I heard the tune on Pandora this evening, and it had me thinking about recent weeks. When I was a kid, walking in nature was always one of my favorite things to do. My family, friends and I would often find ourselves in the wooded areas around our area. Camping, fishing, riding our bikes, just walking or sometimes sledding in the hilly trails during winter–we … Continue reading Brilliance

Gaining My True Joy, In Steps

Everything is, for most of us, perceived (in a conceptual view) through the filter of mental emotional conditioning of the past. In turn, it is how we identify ourselves and the world in which we live. This results in only being aware of the object consciousness, and not the space consciousness… The silence between thoughts, or space consciousness, is what I’m learning about. Continue reading Gaining My True Joy, In Steps

A Sound of Silence

The memory of a large Conch shell that used to lay upon the floor at my grandparent’s home was the spark to the flame of wistful homesickness. I had the piercing longing come over me as I noticed an image of a similar shell within the newsfeed during my morning routine in front of this laptop screen. The waking mind is open to wavering mentation, … Continue reading A Sound of Silence

Yeah…

At 2:59 a.m., I sit a type out the truth of my life. It is not of any use to anyone but me, but being able to do so helps. I’m tired. My back has been hurting for the last eighteen or so hours and I am up way too early. I have to work all day and, to be honest, I would call in … Continue reading Yeah…

Pruned

As I peered into the back yard yesterday through the basement door window, thoughts took shape. A certain epiphany, in connection with the purpose of my place in objective and subjective reality, sparked a chain of bewilderment. As I studied the recently butchered Maple–the trunk left, with branches cut away–and the memory of its once, regal brawn, I thought about my place here. We took … Continue reading Pruned

Tidings

It’s not difficult to look around and take this life of mine for granted. I sit this morning in an easy chair and observe all these accumulated objects that fulfill some kind of undefined necessity. It has me thinking about the days when things were much different. Throughout the many years, things have come and gone. Objects, people, places and thoughts. Even typing, I look … Continue reading Tidings

Rooted In Being

What good staying away has done! There are many things that I have been straying from, and I couldn’t be more satisfied with where it has led me. For starters, I was spending way too much time within the devices we are all hooked on, like some sort of back alley junkie. Always needing my fix of the mostly phony facade. Looking through the screen … Continue reading Rooted In Being

Beyond Compare

When we display ourselves on our own shelves, what do we suggest? Me statements, I statements… ‘Yes, I must confess! Part of me wants to love you, I really do, but my ways are best. It’s not fair, yeah…I don’t care. Life and people have screwed me! Self absorbed? Well, you know who I’m really for… I am the best.’ When we display ourselves on … Continue reading Beyond Compare

Bad Medicine

Writing is not as therapeutic as it once was. I believe, in many ways, writing is an excellent way to process emotions. Unfortunately, my emotions have had a lot of control (probably due to the fact of being bipolar to a certain degree). I’m beginning to recognize how writing, while dwelling on the topics I choose to write about, more often than not cause me … Continue reading Bad Medicine

A Man—No More Than A Dream

I knocked on my father’s door at the end of the hall last night. I knew that it was his apartment because of the items outside of his door. He didn’t answer at first, but he finally did. As he appeared, his mostly naked body stumbled backward as he let me in. His nose clearly had been broken, his words were slurred, and his eyes … Continue reading A Man—No More Than A Dream

Just A Man

I looked into the eyes of a man in a photo this morning. He is an esteemed leader in a mega-church. Thousands of people love his teachings of the Bible, and they respect his rank of Senior Pastor within the church. “Senior Pastor” is a title that the world has crafted up based on our merit system. Nothing to do with the Bible, but that’s … Continue reading Just A Man

Something To Do

It is intriguing for me to observe the interests of others and to wonder why they do what they do. It’s also important. Being a deep thinker is hereditary, I’m finding. As I grow older, I’m beginning to see just how much of my father is really in here. He would study people (not in a creepy stalking manner, FYI), observing their words, facial expressions … Continue reading Something To Do

God Is With You, So Move On

When my dad was in his fifties, he began a change. These ways were limited to my view, as I was just beginning to visit him again after a three year hiatus. He was no longer a part of the family in any way, as he had separated from my mother and I perpetually. It was not until he and I reunited that I noticed … Continue reading God Is With You, So Move On

Missing Text

Are we all on the same page? It’s obviously a silly question, as no two people are alike. I have been home today and sleeping soundly. Heading to work this morning, I began to feel like my body was weighted down by a crippling heaviness, and it was not being relieved with ample amounts of coffee. After arriving at my job and pushing through for … Continue reading Missing Text

Rebuke

Each day is a new opportunity to quit with the disapproval of myself. I think back to those days when I was the butt of the joke. I had a group of friends who would make me the center of laughs. I allowed it. When we as young teens would get together, smoke pot and drink, the giggles came naturally. We were always high. Everyone … Continue reading Rebuke

So Little Known

I ran across this song in February of 2019. It was just a few days after my father had passed. The song had so much emotion, as I also had, that was expressed through Thom’s unbelievably unique talent. My father was a mystery to me, but what little I did get to experience while knowing him was a mix of how this song makes me … Continue reading So Little Known

Revisiting

An old writing of mine, revisited.   Collected Fragments Of My Time– August, 2018 The memories of my grandfather and his work shed. There was an addition off to the side of a one car garage that was made into his work area. The small space was a place where he frequently spent his time. As a young boy, I would venture out to watch … Continue reading Revisiting

On Fear Street

The haunted houses I used to visit were some of the scariest places on earth. The homes were filled with the same things that you could find within the usual home: pictures, appliances, furniture. The parts of the familiar when it pertains to daily necessity. Pretty lively places, overall. At certain times, though, the demons would manifest. The fiend would take on many forms. A … Continue reading On Fear Street

Inside Out

Everybody hurts. This I know. I’m hurting lately. This face does show. Not entertained. Temper is short. People are annoying. Emotions contort. Tired of religion. Fed up with the Church. I’m looking for Him. Worn out from the search. Routine is redundant. Weather does suck. Sunsets aren’t peaceful. Down on my luck. Real talk this morning. Don’t need your prayer. It helps to write. Don’t … Continue reading Inside Out

My God, The Gods We Make

We don’t make God our god, rather, we make the ideas of Him our god. We make the things that satisfy: feelings, emotions, beliefs, and our fixes for what is craved. The objects. The physical. The lessons learned. We use the gods to depict God, much like the image of Him we see in Cathedrals. Like the stone figure at our graves… We dig through … Continue reading My God, The Gods We Make

Morning Meditations

In the morning, I usually sit at our kitchen island, on a bar stool. Throughout the island are little remnants of our lives: various papers, pencils and pens, bills, keys, wires for devices, magazines, and this laptop that I use to write. Although we have five here, I find myself alone in this early hour. The kids are asleep, one is away. My wife is … Continue reading Morning Meditations

Awaiting

As a silent observer, I often view my world from the outside. In other words, I take the time to examine myself — the practicalities, emotions, responses, etc. Being in tune with me. This morning, I have been observing a recurring, personal fact. This post may be considered a bit morbid for some, but I tend to write from my heart. I often think about … Continue reading Awaiting

Kill The Messenger

I’m tapping out! You win! Go ahead, freely lie to the world! Carry on with your sin! It’s okay, I guess? No longer a problem here. Just remember who told you when consequence draws near. Tell others they’re safe from the game men have conducted while your life falls to pieces due to fools you’ve entrusted. Do you need security? A safety net? A social … Continue reading Kill The Messenger

I’m Losing Faith…

…no, not in the Lord. I’m losing my faith in men as they drum up continuous discord. They all claim, “absolute truth”. Twisted flesh interpreting Word. “Look at my way — ignore your own, for your way is absurd!!” The temple of stone erected, with label and fable within. No room for arguments of meaning, just ranks and imperious men. They leave a lasting impression … Continue reading I’m Losing Faith…

Humbled By Sight

These hands: They are scarred and stained. They carry a number of memories. They’ve held a number of chains, and keys. They defend. They comfort. These feet: They have walked many miles. They have kicked the habits, the enemies to the curb, and they will walk until they cannot anymore. They are holding. This heart: Stressed, yet staunch. Bleeding. Loving through the hatred. Able, and … Continue reading Humbled By Sight