While Things Come And Go

Your needs–are they becoming? Is anything outside of your desire to be right a need, you self-righteous pig?! The man in the mirror, mirroring the scar. Those things of yesterday–of hours, no longer relevant–still destroying you and everything/everyone around you. Becoming.     Scapegoat! Filthy animal! You should have killed them while you had the chance! You could be living with the guilt… Oh wait, … Continue reading While Things Come And Go

The Value Of Sunny Days

Checking the weather forecast is certainly something I take for granted. To see beautiful, sunny days with given percentage chances, on the news or an app, is a marvelous thing! When I see little symbols that show a sun, or a sun with a few clouds surrounding it, my life changes!! Just being lighthearted. In all seriousness, I truly do love a sunny day in … Continue reading The Value Of Sunny Days

When We Are There

Looking at all that had been, he stared into the shadows of years gone awry. Like the meeting of silhouette on sunlit grass, his life swayed with unpredictable certainty. His lingering sorrows of a love lost, blown somewhere into the abyss of airy blue, above the shades of regret he knew. The cool of downing light–a temporary peace. The man was only human– as fragile … Continue reading When We Are There

Rise

I think I’ll look for peace today. Not worrying about the panic and the current, stressful way. I think I’ll enjoy the songs of the birds outside my door, and see the beauty in someone that I’ve never seen before. Maybe I’ll catch the sunrise as I’m heading towards the east– capturing the calm that, for a time, had sadly ceased. I think I’ll look … Continue reading Rise

Replay

Running back to yesterdays Different times and different ways Choosing to relive another time Picking up what we left behind Maybe reliving will be better now Perhaps how we were then will be pleasing somehow We think this but then we find those things were better left behind Trying again is such a waste We had left the old familiar space because the life no … Continue reading Replay

A Promised Day

Barren as we are Stripped of all we bear Holding breath until the thaw Days pass we empty ourselves We stretch our branches looking for new life in a time not yet here Dying we are closer Weathered by the things that stripped us in those days when life was given in its time Washed away desolate and forgotten Temporary memories of a beauty in … Continue reading A Promised Day

Through The Thorn

I find myself walking away, pretty often these days, from the madness others create in my personal malaise. Sometimes, the ways of others pulls me down to a familiar land. A place where I once walked in ways I can no longer stand. They call me to come along with them; to embark in ways of old. They say, “for old times’ sake,” but misery … Continue reading Through The Thorn

Setting

The autumn evening sun reminds me of then; The days of the past — I remember when. My life was much different and the moments were bleak. The consequence was not a lesson and inner-voice did not speak. Sequestered spaces in shade with those of my kind. We’d wait for the darkness to alter the mind. Praising and passing our pleasure around. Burying our sorrow … Continue reading Setting

The Short Distance

Time is not on our side. The clock is ticking–counting down. Life began in a flash, and it ends the same way. We breathe in life, and exhale our demise.   The heart and brain. The skeletal structure. All of the fibers and… the blood.   The imagery gathered by the eyes that examine. The mind that translates. Tasting, touching and feeling; sensing what our … Continue reading The Short Distance

Us

Peering into the man who sits in the waking hour I share the thoughts he has and the things that he desires Observing his every motion feeling those aches and pains Looking at the day ahead wondering how we will maintain I tell him, ‘we are only in the now’ but he lives in another time He searches for good reason to dwell on what … Continue reading Us

It’s Hard To Find The Good

I consider myself a faithful man, but lately, I’m feeling pretty mundane. It’s difficult to explain my current position. It’s not that I’ve given up on the Lord, because I know He has never given up on me nor will He ever. It’s just that my current position in this life of mine has reached a milestone, and I’m currently standing still, not sure of … Continue reading It’s Hard To Find The Good

Just Another Day

Today, I am turning another year older. Yay, me…I guess? My family has made arrangements for they and I to go to a local restaurant and celebrate my birthday tonight. They have preplanned, prepared and invited family and friends to come together and lift me up on this calendar day; the day I came into the world. Yet, I feel like it is just like … Continue reading Just Another Day

Sorry, My Bad

I had a really bad day yesterday. It was one of the worst days I’ve had in many weeks. I spent the day in my house doing a few things that I thought would bring me some kind of happiness, and for a few minutes during the tasks I suppose they did, but it was short-lived. I have been aching for many months over things … Continue reading Sorry, My Bad

The Pain That Heals

This past Saturday night, my beloved dog of ten years died. He was probably one of the best dogs in the world. Of course, any dog owner would probably say the same about their own dog. He was a huge blessing to me, especially when I was all alone at an all-time low within my life. His comfort, warmth, playful personality and willingness to always … Continue reading The Pain That Heals

We Cry Out

I have a dog that is dying. He is losing weight rapidly, will not eat and only drinks occasionally. His medications aren’t working. Last night, he cried for hours. A hard fall off of our outdoor steps left him with an injured spine several weeks ago, and now his whole body is deteriorating. The doctor does not know what to do at this point. Blood … Continue reading We Cry Out

When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 3)

The introduction to meth was not something that I really enjoyed, but it was the new habit. On top of the everyday pot and cigarette habit, I had to have a little corner of a sandwich baggie filled with chemicals. It was the necessary way to go about the day because not having it meant withdrawal and hard crashes. I would go for days at … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 3)

When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 2)

I had found something that made life more interesting. Every time I smoked, reality became a beautiful, enhanced, calmed, humorous and lovely experience. I needed more of that within my life. The building sadness was starting to consume me more and more as I was spending time within a quiet little trailer with my grieving mother. She was going through her own measures of trouble. … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 2)

When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 1)

High school was the beginning of an absolute nightmare. When I began attending a very large building packed full of young men and women with competitive drive and talent in the early 1990’s, I viewed myself as independent. A bit different from most of those around me. There were so many directions I could go. I was fortunate to attend such an esteemed school. I … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 1)

Either / Or

I could be down about the dreadful realness of my life that is always there. I am the last of my family. I have no brothers or sisters and no biological children. Which is probably a good thing, knowing how mentally unstable my father’s family has been. So, the Brewster name is finished here. I won’t be spending Christmas with either one of my parents. … Continue reading Either / Or

Emptiness And The Empathetic Hiatus

I’m so tired from trying to save someone dear to me. Literally, I am drained to the max. There is a person who is sitting alone, everyday, chain smoking their cigarettes and being entertained by little animals. Contained in a little box. The delusions and lies, finger-pointing and blameless character keeps many from knocking at their door. I’m drained. Drained because of their failure to … Continue reading Emptiness And The Empathetic Hiatus

Alive And Well

My wife had asked me this past week to put up the Christmas tree and decorations over the weekend. It was nice spending a little time by myself reminiscing as I went through some of the decorations and memories. I found an ornament my grandmother had made. A gift ornament from 1985, several ornaments our kids had made throughout the last several years and strings … Continue reading Alive And Well

A Not-So-Thankful Thanksgiving

Today, millions of families across the nation will come together to celebrate Thanksgiving. It is a time to be thankful for what we have. We are really and truly coming together to give thanks for what God has provided. Within that “coming together to give thanks,” many families will be cliquey, obliquely rude and not thankful at all. The gathering of family for many opens … Continue reading A Not-So-Thankful Thanksgiving

His Timing Is Not Ours

There is a little creek not far from our home. The road that I travel in the morning on my way to work runs over the top of the creek. I had stopped the other day to admire the beauty. The way the sun was shining through the trees that morning captured my attention. I’m not sure where this body of water runs to? It … Continue reading His Timing Is Not Ours

Presently Within

If you have been reading my posts lately, you have seen the writings about the therapy sessions I have been attending with a loved one. We had another session this past Thursday. I would like to share some key lessons we both have learned within our time together. For anonymity purposes, I will only refer to the person as my loved one. My loved one … Continue reading Presently Within

The Gift Of Gratitude

My mother and I lived in a little trailer several miles from the city. We had lived several places within the city before moving to the trailer park. It was a place that was desolate to me. I was about fifteen years old, and depression was becoming a pretty familiar friend at that time. I would spend a lot of my time in my bedroom. … Continue reading The Gift Of Gratitude

Our Days Of Togetherness (Part 2)

This past couple of days has brought my wife and I closer together. Most of the time, the moments at home leave little room for rest and relaxation. Between kids, work, the daily routines and the in-betweens, we are usually only passing each other until we reach our resting place in bed. Because of the Lord above, we have been able to not only enjoy … Continue reading Our Days Of Togetherness (Part 2)

Our Days Of Togetherness (Part 1)

It’s a new day in a very different place. My wife and I are spending our weekend in a spectacular wonderland of color, and the current early haze of morn. A true sensory overload! The vibrant colors; a blanket of rustic reds, yellows and oranges stretch for miles into an infinite horizon. The waters run through the valleys, carrying our curiosities downstream. The leaves are … Continue reading Our Days Of Togetherness (Part 1)

My Morning Cup

Mornings are so very important. Before my family wakes, I spend my quiet time at the kitchen bar. There was a time when I would rise for the day and go straight to the shower. Those days, before I had met coffee. I would do everything in a rush in the morning. Shower, get ready, out the door with a daily routine of fast food … Continue reading My Morning Cup

Rise Before The Fall

The leaves have been changing colors for a several weeks now, and many of them are starting to fall. I was walking up the walk which leads to my front porch steps yesterday, when I saw a single leaf fall to the ground. That one leaf had a lot of meaning. Everything that lives has and end time. We begin to perish as soon as … Continue reading Rise Before The Fall