I was taking a stroll through the world’s landfill last night. A giant hill on the north side of the neighboring city is where all of our garbage is taken. Trash is dumped there, and maintenance workers cover it with dirt. The mountain has been building for many years, and it almost mimics a scene one may find in the Appalachians. I remember visiting the … Continue reading Dumpsite
When my dad was in his fifties, he began a change. These ways were limited to my view, as I was just beginning to visit him again after a three year hiatus. He was no longer a part of the family in any way, as he had separated from my mother and I perpetually. It was not until he and I reunited that I noticed … Continue reading God Is With You, So Move On
The warmth comforted his vexation. He stood within the stall until the water ran cold. The day was a waste. He decided to move out to the back patio with the hope of grooming his anxieties with nature and fresh air. Mindfulness was a coping mechanism he’d learned about many years earlier. Stepping outside, inhaling simplicity–the smell of flowers nearby. The sounds from the birds … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 19)
“Michael, do yo..” “NOT, NOW, MOM!” She pulled her head back away from the stairwell and stomped through the kitchen. He could hear her murmur coming from different ends of the house as she moved about. “Love you!” He then heard the door slam. As he listened to the car speeding away, he let out a long sigh. Nothing was real. He couldn’t come back … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 18)
He compared. He compared the feelings he had towards his father to the ones he was now embracing. He lied in his sorrows with his young father in mind–the hell he lived. The magnitude of the devastation. Apprehensive, he rose. Mike had a seat on the end of the sofa. He was crazed. The dreams, the messengers, the messages–all of it was too much. He … Continue reading The Voice He Hears (Part 17)
The truly deadly pandemic is the constant mention of the fact. People falling prey to the media’s poise and tact. Worry and fear sell the story of instability and prose. Tune in for consternation. Your life, now decomposed. Talk about a plague!? It’s right here, everyday. In the headlines, in the blogs, in the words that many say. Have a cup of trepidation. Drink … Continue reading Contagion
In the morning, I usually sit at our kitchen island, on a bar stool. Throughout the island are little remnants of our lives: various papers, pencils and pens, bills, keys, wires for devices, magazines, and this laptop that I use to write. Although we have five here, I find myself alone in this early hour. The kids are asleep, one is away. My wife is … Continue reading Morning Meditations
Anxiety stricken Beating heart On the verge of falling apart Nerves are shot Sweats and shakes Clinching this disaster as the still ground quakes Try to breathe Close my eyes Nothing works and it’s no surprise Everyone wonders why I’m exhausted now They offer advice but they don’t know how Ease today Doc pushed the pill Come back next month for another bill Pill wouldn’t … Continue reading Descension
I listen to a lot of music, especially on the weekends. I can honestly say that I’ve been through just about every genre the world has to offer, with the exception of the one’s that I cannot tolerate. Music has always been a part of me. I recall my house always being filled with an ambiance of a beat of some sort. My mother and … Continue reading In Tune With You
We are judged for the ignorance that only God knows Those things we struggle with; the incriminating woes. We expect sympathy and for others to understand, but most only criticize with judging hand. We face the known demon and whip our own back because of the guilt we idolize what we lack. Facing the God of forgiveness through Christ we still want forgiveness so offer … Continue reading Speak To Me
Barren as we are Stripped of all we bear Holding breath until the thaw Days pass we empty ourselves We stretch our branches looking for new life in a time not yet here Dying we are closer Weathered by the things that stripped us in those days when life was given in its time Washed away desolate and forgotten Temporary memories of a beauty in … Continue reading A Promised Day
I passionately choose to discuss the subject of divisions within His Church. The last few posts I have written, as well as several prior, attest to this. For the last couple of days, I have chosen to not put anything into word and just observe what unfolds. Sometimes, too much focus upon one subject can obscure a vision that is waiting to be seen. It … Continue reading Collaborate
I don’t write for likes, and I don’t look for praise. I do not hope for popularity, but recognition does amaze. It stimulates the emotions. It causes me to dig deep into my psyche and put to word what I have lived. It provides for me a drive to share what I have known. All the ways I have fallen short, as well as how … Continue reading A Word Or Two
What is it that you find when you observe what you have today? Are the things that you’ve created in the past the pillars of the answer you will convey? Do you hold onto the past mistakes that hinder what you could be? Are those pillars of self-worth and confidence crumbling slowly into the sea? Are the pillars made of discontent that you’ve … Continue reading Falling Away
How dirty we are in this world of sin The inevitable blasphemy before we begin We give it our all and think we are clean bringing our good deeds to the forefront making sure they are seen We paint a picture for the rest a Picasso of intrigue Showing others the wonder of our own little league A perfect and holy people so we believe … Continue reading Minimum Wage
Tell me, my friend, what it’s like being me Have I forgotten what I had chosen to be? Perhaps–outside, looking in–you know better than me Maybe I’m the one who cannot see? Tell me, my friend, how does life look through my eyes? Does the vision you have speak as clearly as mine? Maybe I should step away and give you my mind and see … Continue reading Two-Way Street
I sometimes wonder why I am still standing. There is a word I had written on a familiar wall many years ago. The word, “Why” was running through my mind as I stood in a stairwell, staring into the void of my heart. In between a break-up with a woman I had been engaged to and a girl I had nothing in common with, I … Continue reading Dilapidated
No words to express the feeling No wisdom to share No junk cluttering the mind waiting to escape waiting to be typed out Nothing to bring others the encouragement the entertainment the inspiration A break from the normal is welcomed The roadblock is embraced Lifted fingers blank glowing page No glory in this collection of thoughts No desire to speak No battles within to project … Continue reading Writers Cramp
Saturday night alone Just me and the thoughts at hand Reading the writings of my father His pen, his marks, scribbled firmly onto his yellow sheet I sit and stare into the fire The mysteries pass before its light My dad: no longer like the wood that fuels the flame like the thoughts that passed away with him like the pen that scribbled his voice … Continue reading Ashes To Ashes
I’m one of those people who regularly struggle with the basics. Whether it’s faith foundations or life skills, I feel as if the things about the human condition that come so easily to people are a foreign language to me—and I don’t always comprendo. That said, one truth is finally making a lot of sense […] via A Faith in Recovery | Minute by Minute — … Continue reading A Faith in Recovery | Minute by Minute — Ex-Narnian
I watched my grandfather, who lived to be 93 years of age, lie in bed after his wife had passed. He was dealing with a lot of sorrow after she had moved on to her eternal life. He would just stay in bed most of the time. I had a few limited interactions with him within those few months between my grandmother’s and his passing. … Continue reading In The End, Most Of This Doesn’t Matter
Yesterday, I had made the mistake of saying something to a blogger that sent he and several others into a defensive rebuttal. I suppose I should have expected it. I had told him that his constant blasphemy (his ongoing blog directed towards how one is wasting their time seeking God, based on his own personal experience) would someday come back to haunt him. I was … Continue reading No Prayers Answered
The things that we choose to preserve within ourselves; the personal convictions, necessary boundaries and the yea or nays. We all have a tendency to be the way that we are because of values, experiences, learned behaviors, the many hurts, hang-ups and, of course, there is the sinful condition. We are complicated characters. Where do we go with it all? What do we do with … Continue reading As We Point Down From Our Throne
My personal life has been nothing short of dangerous. From the beginning, the mess my parents had caused- the ongoing physical and mental abuse between themselves while I sat helplessly on the sidelines, with no comprehension of why it was taking place- set me up for a dysfunctional life that is still, at times, resonating throughout my current days. Forty years later. Times, much like … Continue reading Valor
“That’s just a coincidence.” “You really think that was God? Man, you’re delusional.” “Your conscience is leading you. That’s not God.” “There’s no God. Why would he allow all of the wrong in the world?” “God loves me, no matter what your Bible says.” Perhaps you’ve heard, or thought, or have believed some of these things? I read an interesting piece another blogger had written … Continue reading Hearing His Voice
As I viewed myself and came to the conclusion of never being able to stop sinning, all the while knowing that it is impossible to stop, the uneasiness lifted. The lashes I was left scarred with from the whipping I had encountered within religion were just reminders of a once, very unhealthy relationship. The reasoning I was deciphering God with shifted within me. A very … Continue reading Fear Not (Part 3)
This time alone taught me many things. It was the first time I had fully trusted in the Lord’s plan for my life. I had nothing left to lose and nothing but so much to gain through His wisdom. Wisdom: that which began with that healthy fear that I was speaking of. So what did I now begin to see within that new definition of … Continue reading Fear Not (Part 2)
I have been thinking so much about fear lately. So many professing Christians seem to be consumed with it. Specifically, the fear that ensues when one’s pride stands in the way of the Lord’s peace. But honestly, I can see why so many live within a constant fear. Here is my personal testimony of why I once had. When I began to view the very … Continue reading Fear Not (Part 1)
I am a hungry dude! I sometimes feel as though I didn’t eat anything even after having a full plate of food. My diet has really changed within the last several years, and my exercise routine has as well. I blame the change in metabolism for my constant hunger. Going from pizza and fried chicken to baked chicken and salads has a way of disappointing, … Continue reading Of An Appetite Or Desire
The introduction to meth was not something that I really enjoyed, but it was the new habit. On top of the everyday pot and cigarette habit, I had to have a little corner of a sandwich baggie filled with chemicals. It was the necessary way to go about the day because not having it meant withdrawal and hard crashes. I would go for days at … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 3)
I had found something that made life more interesting. Every time I smoked, reality became a beautiful, enhanced, calmed, humorous and lovely experience. I needed more of that within my life. The building sadness was starting to consume me more and more as I was spending time within a quiet little trailer with my grieving mother. She was going through her own measures of trouble. … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 2)
High school was the beginning of an absolute nightmare. When I began attending a very large building packed full of young men and women with competitive drive and talent in the early 1990’s, I viewed myself as independent. A bit different from most of those around me. There were so many directions I could go. I was fortunate to attend such an esteemed school. I … Continue reading When I Compare Myself To Others (Part 1)
As I waited for my wife to arrive home from work this morning, I was reflecting on the terrible dream I had last night. It was about my wife and her life of drinking, infidelity and the complete slap in the face when she had told me that we were finished. What a terrible, realistic experience. I love my wife, and I know that she … Continue reading Just A Thought
I have an acquaintance who had sent a video link to my phone. The short five-minute sketch was performed by a well-known comedian. The guy was answering the door for trick-or-treaters, saying, as well as doing very raunchy things. The humor was something that I would have thoroughly enjoyed in past years, but I watched about two minutes of it and completely lost interest. It … Continue reading Mr. Positivity
I had to take a break from myself today. The past day has been a much-needed break from the emotional havoc that I’ve been so attached to lately. The attachment to things: uneasiness, tension, stress, anxiety, anger and so on. All of those things that my personal convictions have allowed me to handle with a bit more attentiveness, made possible with the willingness to seek … Continue reading Silently Watching
These past few days have been surreal. Since we laid my Father to rest and the family and I helped to eliminate the belongings from his home, I have been running through so many different thoughts, emotions and nothing short of extremely stinging sorrows. You may already know, but my father and I were distant. We had a huge falling out several years ago and … Continue reading Time In A Bottle
I had a friend who would spend his days as a cowboy. He wasn’t out on the ranch rounding up cattle, or a gunslinger, and he didn’t lasso wild bulls at the rodeo. He wore a Stetson hat, tight Wrangler jeans, expensive boots, the big belt buckle, listened to all of the country music of the current time and spoke with a ‘southern’ accent. He … Continue reading Genuine
I hope you enjoy Radiohead’s front man, Thom Yorke, doing what only he can do. Enjoy your day. Continue reading Because I Like It
I’ve never been able to gracefully accept praise. Within the less than year’s time I have spent on WordPress, I have received a few informal awards for my writings. I believe I have responded to only one of several, and it was truly with great reluctance. I appreciate the recognition, but my glory goes to God, and I praise Him for whatever brings another to … Continue reading Greater Is He
My family and I used to attend a church in the city we had once lived in. There were a lot of nice people there. Many older couples who had long been a part of that church still attended when we were present. Mr. and Mrs. C. were always extremely nice to us. The husband was always very witty, and he would always bring a … Continue reading As One Flesh
I do wish that I could write about my father in a way that praises him for being a more loving one. My dad was a very private man as I was growing up. He never wanted to spend his time with me. He would get me set up with a project, only after my mother had suggested it, and then go about his business. … Continue reading Father Knows Best
Something really spoke to me this morning. I thought I would take a few minutes to write about something that I find within myself, and maybe you do too? That nasty thing that God hates; Pride. It may be a little harsh to say that God hates pride. I’m only going there because it’s evident that He most certainly wasn’t okay with it when He … Continue reading The Atrocities Of Our Pride
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Welcome! This infinitesimal corner of the web is a place where my fairy tales, poems, and images collect and remind me of where I've been. Enjoy and feel free to comment on your parallel existence! Peter Ellis
How to prevent & cure
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"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7
My reflections on the week past accompanied by music and memories
Never feel alone on your journey with mental health.
A Christian's Journey through Social Anxiety
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To justify the ways of schizophrenia to man
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fan into flame the gift of faith
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All goes onward and outward. . . .and nothing collapses, And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier. - Walt Whitman
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