Deny Thy Self

It is so draining to have a lot of time with myself, but it is also eye-opening. The past few days have been kind of strange. I realized how much time there is in a full day, and if I don’t have things to fill up the space within the day, my mind will go into deep thought about the situations I cannot really do … Continue reading Deny Thy Self

Absence Of Embrace

A calloused heart is what I saw in him. My father-in-law and I had a conversation about the man who murdered a family not far from our homes. We live in an area that is known for being neighborly, and the atmosphere surrounding our blocks seems to be picturesque, with a type of quietness that is inviting. Until, one night not long ago, a man … Continue reading Absence Of Embrace

I’m Really Powerless Without Faith?

Wondering why it is so hard for people to accept the way things are outside of what they can change, and why they selfishly want “God” to change it, the following thoughts consume me. What happened in the evolution of man? What convinced the world of needing a god with whiskers in the sky to look to for comforting? It seems to be a terrible … Continue reading I’m Really Powerless Without Faith?

Sweet Resilience

Hidden inside the box, life was much easier.  In ’97-’98 I was living with my father, but I think I began to notice those things that struck me as odd before moving in. The visits to his dumpy duplex in the middle of a very run-down part of the city always seemed to put me in a peculiar state. Pulling up to the grey and … Continue reading Sweet Resilience

How The Water Reflects

People who aren’t honest with themselves sure don’t make for good acquaintances, friends or lovers. The weekend was a bit longer since it actually began this past Wednesday for me. It was nice to have the extra days off from the labors at work. My Wednesday began with a few hours at the lake. Even though I didn’t catch any fish, the simple joy of … Continue reading How The Water Reflects

Brass Tacks

The introspection has lessons to teach if we allow it to do so. I’ve been fortunate the last few days, and it is through the pain that I’ve come to a few realizations. My work schedule has been put on hold for five days. While listening to music and spending some time reflecting on the many facets of my life, I’ve concluded a few facts. … Continue reading Brass Tacks

Ashes To Ashes

The life I once lived has a way of creeping back into my life when it is addressed by others. It is probably safe to say that all people have parts of their lives that they would rather forget about. A brief conversation with someone I love touched on things from days that are no longer here. Yet, like most, it was clear that the … Continue reading Ashes To Ashes

Pulled From Within

Picking up a children’s book from the shelf this morning while dusting, I noticed the title of the book that contained the words, “Daily Devotions.” My curiosity led me to a page within it that illustrated a child looking up into the sky and apologizing to God for doing something wrong. While sitting in front of the book shelf with the thought still swimming around, … Continue reading Pulled From Within

You Were Here…

A woman who seems to be deeply scarred by men from her past had me thinking about the people from my own past this evening. I tend to read the posts from the other bloggers I follow more so on the weekends. In a late night surf through the followed sites, I ran across another one of her writings. She seems to spend a lot … Continue reading You Were Here…

Ego Of Man

If any form can emanate love, whether it be animal, human with any belief or religion he or she adheres to, or even the forms of nature we see in things such as the Lotus flower, then why is Christianity exclusive? The ego of man and his Church does not equal the message of Jesus and his Ecclesia! Continue reading Ego Of Man

Rehash

I don’t like some of the truths about myself. There is a whole blog that I created here that looks back on the past; all of the conditioning that created the monster I am. All of those failures and flaws that, in my thirties, caused me to see a god of judgment. The good Lord was a just spirit, or man, or both, and he … Continue reading Rehash

Thinking Of You

“You have to take the good with the bad.” I remember a friend of mine saying this many years ago. There is no telling what the situation was at the time that served as the reason why he had said it to me, but the simplistic truth of his statement still resonates. There was a big life-altering situation that occurred last night. I sat outside … Continue reading Thinking Of You

Mr. Emotion

The sheer ridiculousness of the human mind has been the topic this evening. Of course, the choice to read through WordPress followed sites led me to the writing here tonight. By choice, I’m unloading some harbored thoughts. It helps to get things out once in a while. Since no one else is here, and since the keyboard is, I am going to share my thoughts … Continue reading Mr. Emotion

The Fallible Form We Know

The last few days have been a challenge, but isn’t that what this life is anyway? Long story very short, the build up of intolerance towards a very unnecessary habit of another led to me going off on them. I had enough of an individual making fun of every person we are both acquainted with. The habit–one exactly like my own in the past–was effecting … Continue reading The Fallible Form We Know

Flat Earthers

It was interesting to see so many truths unfold just by observing others within the last few weeks. Nothing needed to be said to them, for any dispute or correction that could have been offered would have caused a defense. I’ve found that persuasion is becoming so prominent anymore, and while listening to the voices of several in recent days, the deceptive manipulation is warping … Continue reading Flat Earthers

Lights

It was another arduous work week, but the end of Friday was an enjoyable time out on the many streets within the city. I brought the bike with me and cycled for just shy of two hours. Today, it is being felt. The noticeable healing process has slowed in the current run of my decay, but yet I still find myself being in much better … Continue reading Lights

Take Me Away

When reading many of the writings of others, a common thread often appears: An escape is necessary. There has been so many roads along this personal journey. The times now behind have brought me to this very moment, and as reflection can be now be observed, I recall such disarray in my youthful ignorance. It was a bad, bad deal. I just didn’t know, as … Continue reading Take Me Away

Energy

I sat this evening with many different energies at work within their spaces, and I realized that we are of that same energy. The science doesn’t matter, but whatever creates our energy surely fills our space with a grandeur that is always in motion. It shall all be enjoyed, indeed. Continue reading Energy

Pardoned

Bitterness was always something that I was accustomed to, but thanks to other bitter people, I’m now realizing why that was. In the recent weeks exchanges with others has tested my patience on several levels. Practicing the pause: a moment of consciously comprehending what is involved within an exchange and not reacting / responding while emotion is welling, has not been easy. However, the constant … Continue reading Pardoned

Your Calm Beneath

In hindsight, the quest for understanding God had really screwed me up. My mother and I had a treacherous conversation the other day. It sometimes ends up being a disaster, and it’s usually my fault. It is difficult for me to listen to a miserable and repetitive cycle of thought patterns that are conveyed in the same series of words nearly every time I meet … Continue reading Your Calm Beneath

A Giant Misconception?

It was always a pleasure as we would kick around in nature when my friends and I were growing up. The neighborhood kids and I had the entire world to explore, tucked away in a little one-mile radius of the city. We had a place called the Brickyards, which was a clay quarry. In the old excavated parts, a lake, cliffs, deciduous trees and overgrowth … Continue reading A Giant Misconception?

Blog That Ego

Who am I to draw attention to a narrative I call, “Mine?” An emphasis I present for someone else to compare to and compete with… A voice within, dying to speak louder and longer than… Maybe a 👍 to stroke the ego! Perhaps an agreement to boost the confidence! Am I the golden one with finger outstretched, pointing proudly, while the three of no blame … Continue reading Blog That Ego

Consumption

It was a humbling experience in recent days that had me stepping back in order to reassess a few major factors within myself. The ordered blood tests from my doctor were due before the upcoming visit with her next week. I arrived at the lab early Wednesday and they withdrew the desired amount. I received the test results a few hours later and did not … Continue reading Consumption

The Enigma Of Being Comfortably Uncertain

There was a truth that presented itself this afternoon on my way home from the workplace. Maybe it was more of a collection of truths? As any reader could probably gather when visiting the blog and especially the last several posts, my focus has shifted to the acknowledgment of just how much I identify myself with mind: the voice that never stops chattering within me. … Continue reading The Enigma Of Being Comfortably Uncertain

True Value

In a recent visit to an old acquaintance’s website, I was again left with thoughts of inferiority and superiority swirling around within me. The religious blog, specifically that which is built around Christian Apologetics, is sometimes a place I visit just to see if the writer is still stroking his own ego. You see, the writer and I once had a go-around which ultimately led … Continue reading True Value

In Attendance

It goes against the very grain of me to live in the Now. How often it has been throughout my life to go off into a time that only exists within my head; in memories of another now. The times when I had or went without. Times when things were not as good, or maybe better. Forgetting and most times ignoring those past times as … Continue reading In Attendance

Trustworthiness

I saw the universal truth of every living thing within my recent experiences. There is something outside of my work routine at the place of employment that pulls me into the natural world outdoors. For the last few weeks I have diligently been working on our landscaping. It is satisfying for me to spruce up the flower beds, as well as beneficial when putting out … Continue reading Trustworthiness

Rising

My grandmother and I used to watch a television show called Nature on PBS when I was growing up. A narrator would talk about the animals and ecosystems from around the world, while the cinematic visual stimulations would leave my grandmother and I in awe. “God made that,” I remember her saying. While we focused our attention on the animals or plants being described, we … Continue reading Rising

As It Is

Observation is a beautiful tool that I have been using as far back as I can remember. The world was so awesome when I was a child. I remember spending much of my time alone while exploring the safe neighborhood on the outskirts of the city. My grandparent’s home was on a street serving in part of the framing of a friendly community. All neighbors … Continue reading As It Is

It Cannot Be Unseen

Drifting off into a memory from the childhood–a simple memory that seems to stick with me throughout the years–took me by surprise Friday evening. I was probably no more than three at the time. It was definitely a clear, sunny day with plenty of lush greenery; spring or summer in the early Eighties. I witnessed a young man with a boombox on his shoulder, with … Continue reading It Cannot Be Unseen

The Greatest Addiction

To free myself of the addiction of overthinking is in the works. I’ve spent some time going over the past few years of posts within this blog of mine in recent weeks. Writing about the experiences I had throughout time seemed to help me process the inner frustrations and insecurities. Being transparent, publicly, served as a therapy to help me identify those issues causing my … Continue reading The Greatest Addiction

A Trace

I sat and thought for a moment about those people in time… I remember meeting up with S—- while walking home from school some year during high school. I maybe had met him only once, but that single time we had shared together had its significance, enough for me to say, ‘What’s up, man?’ We rode in his mother’s car, I do remember. We all … Continue reading A Trace

5:16 a.m.

Never before have I felt this way. When the anxiety has left, the nervousness and tension from thinking about the past or future no longer holds me in its firm grip, and when I know that the only true time I have is this very moment, I am truly, “there.” Yes, I’m there. The question used to be asked as I would go about each … Continue reading 5:16 a.m.

Mind Control

A thought late last night entered my tired mind. It was about a person from my past. The thoughts sort of took over, as I dwelled upon what the person and I had gone through, and how the eventual end of our days together sort of hurt us both. This morning, I found myself still thinking about the person, but just a few minutes ago … Continue reading Mind Control