Always Dead. Always.

I wonder what it is that convinces one to hang on to pain, even though he or she knows that it isn’t helping matters? It was always different than it is now, before I began to live in the present. How unaware I was—even though I reflected on a pain from the past, I was doing it in the present moment, which is truly the … Continue reading Always Dead. Always.

I Am – A Poem/Meditation by Rupert Spira

I amI have no words to express Myself but all words express only MeI have no meaning but impart meaning to all that is perceivedI am without beginning and end but all things begin and end in MeI have no name but am called by all namesI have no form but all form indicates MeI have no origin but am the origin of all thingsI … Continue reading I Am – A Poem/Meditation by Rupert Spira

In A Time

The Vince Guaraldi Trio version of Christmas Time Is Here once made me shed tears of sorrow when hearing it. I lost my grandfather in December of 2000. He was the man who I looked at as my true father. It was tough watching him slowly wither during that winter. While being sad because of grandmother’s recent passing, as well as watching grandpa suffer from … Continue reading In A Time

Hammer and Nail

Maybe it is safe to say that I’m analytical because of the past? There was always a deep desire to do as daddy instructed: use my own two hands to figure it out. My father was barely engaged in my passions to create things. I believe my friends and I wanted a skateboard ramp when he said, “You have two hands, figure it out.” That … Continue reading Hammer and Nail

Rubbish

Rubbish. That is what the post was last night. The Christian man pissed me off again last night. He is the one who I have been sort of obsessed with. He and I have had our differences over the years, and when I had shared the same religion, we always seemed to have a way of bunting heads. We were both set in our stubborn … Continue reading Rubbish

Deny Thy Self

It is so draining to have a lot of time with myself, but it is also eye-opening. The past few days have been kind of strange. I realized how much time there is in a full day, and if I don’t have things to fill up the space within the day, my mind will go into deep thought about the situations I cannot really do … Continue reading Deny Thy Self

Eden

Nature showed me the true definition of love. I have been walking in nature for as long as I can remember. It always furnished a peace that wasn’t achievable in certain times throughout the life at home. Growing up with my grandparents, the neighborhood provided the safety for exploration. I could walk the creeks and trails of the wooded areas, climb rock faces at the … Continue reading Eden

Absence Of Embrace

A calloused heart is what I saw in him. My father-in-law and I had a conversation about the man who murdered a family not far from our homes. We live in an area that is known for being neighborly, and the atmosphere surrounding our blocks seems to be picturesque, with a type of quietness that is inviting. Until, one night not long ago, a man … Continue reading Absence Of Embrace

Thanks

I give thanks for the terrible situations. This morning is a dark and rainy one. The water is showering on the tin roof attached to the back portion of our home. I sit and write within shelter as the calming rain beats down on the metal, and it somehow reminds me of times that were devastating. Those little misunderstood triggers that bring about memories of … Continue reading Thanks

Little Me

Sometimes the thought of being me makes me cringe. How many times have the streams of thoughts been focused on the many dimensions of me? Too many, that’s the number. It is so stupid anymore. I have these days of self analysis that leave me completely worn. One of those days being today. The thoughts that I observe are constantly being criticized by me today. … Continue reading Little Me

I’m Really Powerless Without Faith?

Wondering why it is so hard for people to accept the way things are outside of what they can change, and why they selfishly want “God” to change it, the following thoughts consume me. What happened in the evolution of man? What convinced the world of needing a god with whiskers in the sky to look to for comforting? It seems to be a terrible … Continue reading I’m Really Powerless Without Faith?

Firmly Gripped

The experiences of a life gone by have surely made me who and what I am in the present moment. I made a comment on a fellow blogger’s post last night, and now I’m thinking they took it the wrong way. That is what happens in the blogging world. We type out a few words and send them on their way. Very little to study, … Continue reading Firmly Gripped

Sweet Resilience

Hidden inside the box, life was much easier.  In ’97-’98 I was living with my father, but I think I began to notice those things that struck me as odd before moving in. The visits to his dumpy duplex in the middle of a very run-down part of the city always seemed to put me in a peculiar state. Pulling up to the grey and … Continue reading Sweet Resilience

Falling Back

The progression of the setting sun really had me realize just how much truth there is to only having the present moment, and all other moments only being in the thoughts we have. Last night was a great experience here in the Ohio valley. The golden Autumn hue resided upon all of the magnificent colors that we find throughout Indiana. The reds and rusts are … Continue reading Falling Back

How The Water Reflects

People who aren’t honest with themselves sure don’t make for good acquaintances, friends or lovers. The weekend was a bit longer since it actually began this past Wednesday for me. It was nice to have the extra days off from the labors at work. My Wednesday began with a few hours at the lake. Even though I didn’t catch any fish, the simple joy of … Continue reading How The Water Reflects

Brass Tacks

The introspection has lessons to teach if we allow it to do so. I’ve been fortunate the last few days, and it is through the pain that I’ve come to a few realizations. My work schedule has been put on hold for five days. While listening to music and spending some time reflecting on the many facets of my life, I’ve concluded a few facts. … Continue reading Brass Tacks

Ashes To Ashes

The life I once lived has a way of creeping back into my life when it is addressed by others. It is probably safe to say that all people have parts of their lives that they would rather forget about. A brief conversation with someone I love touched on things from days that are no longer here. Yet, like most, it was clear that the … Continue reading Ashes To Ashes

Pulled From Within

Picking up a children’s book from the shelf this morning while dusting, I noticed the title of the book that contained the words, “Daily Devotions.” My curiosity led me to a page within it that illustrated a child looking up into the sky and apologizing to God for doing something wrong. While sitting in front of the book shelf with the thought still swimming around, … Continue reading Pulled From Within

You Were Here…

A woman who seems to be deeply scarred by men from her past had me thinking about the people from my own past this evening. I tend to read the posts from the other bloggers I follow more so on the weekends. In a late night surf through the followed sites, I ran across another one of her writings. She seems to spend a lot … Continue reading You Were Here…

Ego Of Man

If any form can emanate love, whether it be animal, human with any belief or religion he or she adheres to, or even the forms of nature we see in things such as the Lotus flower, then why is Christianity exclusive? The ego of man and his Church does not equal the message of Jesus and his Ecclesia! Continue reading Ego Of Man

All Of The Noise

The constant stream of “talking” within the head sure has a lot to say. It is truly amazing when one encounters a personal breakthrough that alters the way he or she experiences their world. That has been the case for me this year. A medication has been removed in recent months, and even though I am incredibly thankful for the blessing of having it when … Continue reading All Of The Noise

Closure

After some thought about this morning’s post, I’ve decided to keep the blog up and running. There was a great deal of fatigue earlier in the day. The evening before was a rough one for me. I didn’t sleep well last night, and the tired mind had a lot of pull on the early day’s writing. I spend so much of my time consumed with … Continue reading Closure

Rehash

I don’t like some of the truths about myself. There is a whole blog that I created here that looks back on the past; all of the conditioning that created the monster I am. All of those failures and flaws that, in my thirties, caused me to see a god of judgment. The good Lord was a just spirit, or man, or both, and he … Continue reading Rehash

Thinking Of You

“You have to take the good with the bad.” I remember a friend of mine saying this many years ago. There is no telling what the situation was at the time that served as the reason why he had said it to me, but the simplistic truth of his statement still resonates. There was a big life-altering situation that occurred last night. I sat outside … Continue reading Thinking Of You

Mr. Emotion

The sheer ridiculousness of the human mind has been the topic this evening. Of course, the choice to read through WordPress followed sites led me to the writing here tonight. By choice, I’m unloading some harbored thoughts. It helps to get things out once in a while. Since no one else is here, and since the keyboard is, I am going to share my thoughts … Continue reading Mr. Emotion

The Fallible Form We Know

The last few days have been a challenge, but isn’t that what this life is anyway? Long story very short, the build up of intolerance towards a very unnecessary habit of another led to me going off on them. I had enough of an individual making fun of every person we are both acquainted with. The habit–one exactly like my own in the past–was effecting … Continue reading The Fallible Form We Know

No Guarantee

There is a blogger who likes to conclude his posts with the words, “Something to think about.” It is a religious blog. Each week the posts are sent out into cyber space and arrive, like this one, in front of an audience to be analyzed. The recipients then have the chance to agree, reject, or remain neutral after digesting the writing. The something to think … Continue reading No Guarantee

Flat Earthers

It was interesting to see so many truths unfold just by observing others within the last few weeks. Nothing needed to be said to them, for any dispute or correction that could have been offered would have caused a defense. I’ve found that persuasion is becoming so prominent anymore, and while listening to the voices of several in recent days, the deceptive manipulation is warping … Continue reading Flat Earthers

Lights

It was another arduous work week, but the end of Friday was an enjoyable time out on the many streets within the city. I brought the bike with me and cycled for just shy of two hours. Today, it is being felt. The noticeable healing process has slowed in the current run of my decay, but yet I still find myself being in much better … Continue reading Lights

Blind To Isness

The happening of the stars The happening of the blue in the sky we do observe with our optical view The happening of the heart The happening of the mind that scurries about continuously to judge what it will find The happening of an ego The happening of its lie The one that insists one must suffer before he or she must die The happening … Continue reading Blind To Isness

Oh, God!

It occurred to me today that writing is just another form of identifying myself. At this time, even though I recognize the blog as an extension of my ego, I will keep the platform up and running. Although, it is not something that I absolutely must have like it had been at first. Just a few years ago the belief of needing a place to … Continue reading Oh, God!

Fade

A friend is being taken off of life support today. I can’t help but wonder why we cannot forgive the past—both our own mistakes and those of others. The man going away today had so many reasons why my ego wouldn’t allow him to be a little closer in the latter days. I couldn’t handle his substance abuse. Yet, I sit and think about my … Continue reading Fade

Take Me Away

When reading many of the writings of others, a common thread often appears: An escape is necessary. There has been so many roads along this personal journey. The times now behind have brought me to this very moment, and as reflection can be now be observed, I recall such disarray in my youthful ignorance. It was a bad, bad deal. I just didn’t know, as … Continue reading Take Me Away

Energy

I sat this evening with many different energies at work within their spaces, and I realized that we are of that same energy. The science doesn’t matter, but whatever creates our energy surely fills our space with a grandeur that is always in motion. It shall all be enjoyed, indeed. Continue reading Energy

Pardoned

Bitterness was always something that I was accustomed to, but thanks to other bitter people, I’m now realizing why that was. In the recent weeks exchanges with others has tested my patience on several levels. Practicing the pause: a moment of consciously comprehending what is involved within an exchange and not reacting / responding while emotion is welling, has not been easy. However, the constant … Continue reading Pardoned

Your Calm Beneath

In hindsight, the quest for understanding God had really screwed me up. My mother and I had a treacherous conversation the other day. It sometimes ends up being a disaster, and it’s usually my fault. It is difficult for me to listen to a miserable and repetitive cycle of thought patterns that are conveyed in the same series of words nearly every time I meet … Continue reading Your Calm Beneath